[✐fanfic] yugioh: festival
Okay, moment of truth about this AU and whether it's accessible or not, since it's the part with the most of my own devising....
Here's a sample of Diabound's speaking style and narration from Papyrus's AU (the she-TK). I'd like feedback on whether it can be understood, and whether it helps to create Diabound as a character or whether it just feels gimmicky.
Diabound's human form is a sheRyou, everyone remember. She has a sheRyou appetite matched only by the fact that when you show snakes food and they're hungry, they apparently can't not eat.
Festival
Party tip: break in late. No one wants crazy drunken party, but happens. Usually plenty of food left, too.
Nobody noticed where gold was going - little here, little there, Bakura was having good time getting to know nice people, had dancer on her lap and men were laughing. Dancer wore nothing but beads. Bakura liked.
Was tucking gold in own dress too, staying off to side. Was disguised just like Bakura, but am paler, stand out more even with wig (nice wig, from tomb). Got so hungry watching, though. So went to table.
So much food! New meat, uncommon meat. Cow actually prepared - have eaten cow, but always in other form, always whole and struggling. Usually don't chew, but was in disguise, only swallowing whole when not watched. And so much food -
Couldn't stop.
Beaded girl found Bakura lots of drinks; would have been worried, but - so much food. Knew just had to eat, and eat - didn't matter, cow or pig or bird or fish, enjoyed them all. Cluster of men, bobbing and laughing, came to watch, laughed some more, said were impressed. Servants brought more food, men nudged, encouraged. Kept eating.
Men placed bets on when would get full. Kept eating.
Bakura had many cups of wine. Kept drinking.
Started feeling really happy, really glad to have nice men feeding. Hiccuped, kept eating.
Saw mouse out of corner of eye - can see so little, this form, but there was mouse. Guess it had smelled food, since place was messy.
Was in mood to feed, even if other food was better. Pounced.
Swallowed mouse whole; mouse wriggled so nice going down, so had a drink to help. Could see why Bakura likes wine.
Music started. Everyone was staring, so wanted to dance. Stood up, swallowed fish from table whole. Men gasped - almost louder than when ate mouse. Danced back and forth, spun bobbed weaved. Dancing was fun, so laughed, tasted air -- air tasted like wine and sourness and --
Tasted air?
Had usual tongue, forked tongue. With audience.
Kept dancing, bumped into someone: was Bakura, holding tight, flushed and scowling and chuckling all at once. Bakura's fist, subtle, hit stomach; bent over, could smell sourness rising in self. People laughed. Bakura said, would escort out. Staggered away, almost dropping gold. But Bakura's arm was strong, so clung fast.
Accused: got drunk. Bakura rolled eyes, pitched over, was sick. Both drunk. Both sick.
Both running, next day, from angry guests. Necklaces gone! they cried. Rings gone! Bracelets gone, ornaments gone! Bakura only left beads from servant girl. How she got them, didn't ask. Head hurt too much, and besides, already knew.
Still, was nice to be with people. Was nice, to celebrate and eat and dance, pretending to belong. Was nice to be more than just two.
Was wonderful party.
Here's a sample of Diabound's speaking style and narration from Papyrus's AU (the she-TK). I'd like feedback on whether it can be understood, and whether it helps to create Diabound as a character or whether it just feels gimmicky.
Diabound's human form is a sheRyou, everyone remember. She has a sheRyou appetite matched only by the fact that when you show snakes food and they're hungry, they apparently can't not eat.
Festival
Party tip: break in late. No one wants crazy drunken party, but happens. Usually plenty of food left, too.
Nobody noticed where gold was going - little here, little there, Bakura was having good time getting to know nice people, had dancer on her lap and men were laughing. Dancer wore nothing but beads. Bakura liked.
Was tucking gold in own dress too, staying off to side. Was disguised just like Bakura, but am paler, stand out more even with wig (nice wig, from tomb). Got so hungry watching, though. So went to table.
So much food! New meat, uncommon meat. Cow actually prepared - have eaten cow, but always in other form, always whole and struggling. Usually don't chew, but was in disguise, only swallowing whole when not watched. And so much food -
Couldn't stop.
Beaded girl found Bakura lots of drinks; would have been worried, but - so much food. Knew just had to eat, and eat - didn't matter, cow or pig or bird or fish, enjoyed them all. Cluster of men, bobbing and laughing, came to watch, laughed some more, said were impressed. Servants brought more food, men nudged, encouraged. Kept eating.
Men placed bets on when would get full. Kept eating.
Bakura had many cups of wine. Kept drinking.
Started feeling really happy, really glad to have nice men feeding. Hiccuped, kept eating.
Saw mouse out of corner of eye - can see so little, this form, but there was mouse. Guess it had smelled food, since place was messy.
Was in mood to feed, even if other food was better. Pounced.
Swallowed mouse whole; mouse wriggled so nice going down, so had a drink to help. Could see why Bakura likes wine.
Music started. Everyone was staring, so wanted to dance. Stood up, swallowed fish from table whole. Men gasped - almost louder than when ate mouse. Danced back and forth, spun bobbed weaved. Dancing was fun, so laughed, tasted air -- air tasted like wine and sourness and --
Tasted air?
Had usual tongue, forked tongue. With audience.
Kept dancing, bumped into someone: was Bakura, holding tight, flushed and scowling and chuckling all at once. Bakura's fist, subtle, hit stomach; bent over, could smell sourness rising in self. People laughed. Bakura said, would escort out. Staggered away, almost dropping gold. But Bakura's arm was strong, so clung fast.
Accused: got drunk. Bakura rolled eyes, pitched over, was sick. Both drunk. Both sick.
Both running, next day, from angry guests. Necklaces gone! they cried. Rings gone! Bracelets gone, ornaments gone! Bakura only left beads from servant girl. How she got them, didn't ask. Head hurt too much, and besides, already knew.
Still, was nice to be with people. Was nice, to celebrate and eat and dance, pretending to belong. Was nice to be more than just two.
Was wonderful party.