and i hope you choke on those words that kiss that bottle...
so this past week i guess you can say, i've been really stupid. and no matter how many people tell me numeroussss 1,000's of times that "i'm doing this to myself" im going to keep doing it just because i need to learn for myself, i just need guidence from my friends. but its like my friends dont even know me because if you knew me you wouldnt tell me im stupid for doing what im doing. i was talking to maria last night while i was watching (well not so much watching..) bobby's hockey game and i sat in the lobby of the ice vault and was on the phone for 2 1/2 hours wondering what the hell i should do. i really dont know. theres not much i can do? i guess either stop all together....which i know is going to be hard as fuck....or just keep doing what im doing.
at work yesterday i was telling tym and ben what was going on and tym was basically like..dude fuck it..cuz the worst thing you can do is get attached and i just looked at him and i was like are you joking if i wasnt attached i wouldnt be talking about this right now..and hes like yea but if hes an asshole about everything he doesnt deserve you..hes like "no matter how hot a girl is..if shes a fucking bitch id be like fuck that.." aw i love tym and ben. and talking to bobby is U S E L E S S for the fact that fuckin...he reminds me every 5 seconds of what i do.
i feel like shit all the time, i havent eaten in days, and i dont know why. i was telling maria last night...i feel like a robot. wake up, go to work, come home, shower, go out. thats what i do 5 days a week. and the other 2 are my days off and i just think about how im such a screwup all day until my friends get out of work so we can go out once again. i've just become so routine. and i dont know why. what i should be doing is stop worrying about if im going to have a good time that night, and fucking go take my placement test, go find a BETTER job because some bitch hates me, and just..stop worrying about the stupid shit because thats all i do. even this guy at work was like "god damn girl you worry about EVERYTHING dont you?" im like uuuuum.yeahh.
i cant even explain how i feel. i mean..life isnt THAT bad..but its all the little things that are tearing me apart. boys are fucking rediclious. and honestly- any girl that reads this and hooks up with a guy routinely, and swears that she wont get attached....how the fuck do you do it. jesus christ.\
oh and all of you who you think you know which guy this is-
no its not that one. just making that clear:)
i havent seen cassy all weekend, and i know its because katie was home..but i miss her a lot. we havent really talked for more then 3 minutes all weekend.
im listening to pretty girl. and anyone that knows me knows that is my alltime favorite song out of any song..ever. because the lyrics are my life. and right now more then anything. it's so sad that my life describes a depressing song. hahaha.
at least i can laugh at myself. because honestly, if i was reading this about someone i would be like "dude shes fucking retarded" .. and dude, i really am. haha i wish i could have more control.
on thanksgiving, well teh night before thanksgiving keith pulled up next to me and .. and i saw someone in the passenger seat, and when they put the window down i got SO happy! it was rocco! (who i havent seen since SEPTEMBER) and hes like..yeah i moved. i was like haha no shit. god i miss that kid. even though i had a crush on him A L L S U M M E R and everyone knew, including him. hahaha. over the summer i did so much stupid shit i cant even count.
at work yesterday i was telling tym and ben what was going on and tym was basically like..dude fuck it..cuz the worst thing you can do is get attached and i just looked at him and i was like are you joking if i wasnt attached i wouldnt be talking about this right now..and hes like yea but if hes an asshole about everything he doesnt deserve you..hes like "no matter how hot a girl is..if shes a fucking bitch id be like fuck that.." aw i love tym and ben. and talking to bobby is U S E L E S S for the fact that fuckin...he reminds me every 5 seconds of what i do.
i feel like shit all the time, i havent eaten in days, and i dont know why. i was telling maria last night...i feel like a robot. wake up, go to work, come home, shower, go out. thats what i do 5 days a week. and the other 2 are my days off and i just think about how im such a screwup all day until my friends get out of work so we can go out once again. i've just become so routine. and i dont know why. what i should be doing is stop worrying about if im going to have a good time that night, and fucking go take my placement test, go find a BETTER job because some bitch hates me, and just..stop worrying about the stupid shit because thats all i do. even this guy at work was like "god damn girl you worry about EVERYTHING dont you?" im like uuuuum.yeahh.
i cant even explain how i feel. i mean..life isnt THAT bad..but its all the little things that are tearing me apart. boys are fucking rediclious. and honestly- any girl that reads this and hooks up with a guy routinely, and swears that she wont get attached....how the fuck do you do it. jesus christ.\
oh and all of you who you think you know which guy this is-
no its not that one. just making that clear:)
i havent seen cassy all weekend, and i know its because katie was home..but i miss her a lot. we havent really talked for more then 3 minutes all weekend.
im listening to pretty girl. and anyone that knows me knows that is my alltime favorite song out of any song..ever. because the lyrics are my life. and right now more then anything. it's so sad that my life describes a depressing song. hahaha.
at least i can laugh at myself. because honestly, if i was reading this about someone i would be like "dude shes fucking retarded" .. and dude, i really am. haha i wish i could have more control.
on thanksgiving, well teh night before thanksgiving keith pulled up next to me and .. and i saw someone in the passenger seat, and when they put the window down i got SO happy! it was rocco! (who i havent seen since SEPTEMBER) and hes like..yeah i moved. i was like haha no shit. god i miss that kid. even though i had a crush on him A L L S U M M E R and everyone knew, including him. hahaha. over the summer i did so much stupid shit i cant even count.