temptations
its the craziest thing to be tempted as a believer. because while being tempted i have the knowledge of the truth that at His right hand there are pleasures forever. i should be over this but there is this one temptation that i cant get over. so im going to analyze it to death.
it is true no temptation has overtaken me that is not common to man. i am aware that my temptations although seemingly powerful and corrupt are really no more severe than what every man must endure while embodying this weak flesh. and i know that God enables me to escape its hold because i am in Christ and His promise is that He will always provide a way out. but its strange you know. how i catch myself in wandering thought about the enticement and pleasure found in sin, and i almost for an instance am consumed by its allure. i wish i could describe it more clearly.
it feels honestly like it isnt me, like it truly isnt me. i desire God, i love God but for a moment i could get carried away by its seduction. sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. but its a real issue in my life that i want to explore because as strong as my desires are for sin, even for a moment, i want the grace of God to come in power so that i will believe that God really does taste better than the most alluring sin.
i was even thinking today, in the moment that i was getting carried away by the thought of this sin, this scripture. "This is the love of God that you obey HIs commandments and His commandments are not burdensome." and i questioned myself. and this is how i knew this was a serious temptation, i thought His commandments were burndensome.
fear imidiately took over. how good is God to not give me over to the desires of my flesh? because look how evil my hearts intentions are, even though i do love God, i fall short of His glory. even though He freed me from the bondage of sin, i desire the taste of enslavement. its so gross. i could puke, im really ashamed, im filthy i know. but it was truly my hearts desire, sin rather than Gods good and perfect way.
its like halim, this minister at my church said. the isrealites grumbled in the desert as they wandered only to eat manna and drink water. forgetting that God had just delivered them, they grumbled and complained to Moses asking if he had lead them out of egypt only to starve in the desert. they talked of the food that they had at home, probably pots of meat. they craved stupid pots of meat when God delivered them and was leading them to the Promised land with milk and honey and the presence of God and the abundant life and bliss. im just as foolish to desire sin, i forget that i was enslaved while indulging in these filthy pleasures. and even that these filthy pleasures are fleeting pleasures leading to death and will only continue to store up wrath for myself. i forget that i was ransomed, and how great the mercy of God is in loving me and delivering me.
im so foolish to love what enslaved me. and every so often it comsumes me, while the grace of God continually provides a way out. i just want to believe that God is better, i want to taste His goodness and desire the sweet taste of walking with God and knowing the pleasures found at His right hand. God tempt me to know you. make Yourself alluring to my wicked heart.
it is true no temptation has overtaken me that is not common to man. i am aware that my temptations although seemingly powerful and corrupt are really no more severe than what every man must endure while embodying this weak flesh. and i know that God enables me to escape its hold because i am in Christ and His promise is that He will always provide a way out. but its strange you know. how i catch myself in wandering thought about the enticement and pleasure found in sin, and i almost for an instance am consumed by its allure. i wish i could describe it more clearly.
it feels honestly like it isnt me, like it truly isnt me. i desire God, i love God but for a moment i could get carried away by its seduction. sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. but its a real issue in my life that i want to explore because as strong as my desires are for sin, even for a moment, i want the grace of God to come in power so that i will believe that God really does taste better than the most alluring sin.
i was even thinking today, in the moment that i was getting carried away by the thought of this sin, this scripture. "This is the love of God that you obey HIs commandments and His commandments are not burdensome." and i questioned myself. and this is how i knew this was a serious temptation, i thought His commandments were burndensome.
fear imidiately took over. how good is God to not give me over to the desires of my flesh? because look how evil my hearts intentions are, even though i do love God, i fall short of His glory. even though He freed me from the bondage of sin, i desire the taste of enslavement. its so gross. i could puke, im really ashamed, im filthy i know. but it was truly my hearts desire, sin rather than Gods good and perfect way.
its like halim, this minister at my church said. the isrealites grumbled in the desert as they wandered only to eat manna and drink water. forgetting that God had just delivered them, they grumbled and complained to Moses asking if he had lead them out of egypt only to starve in the desert. they talked of the food that they had at home, probably pots of meat. they craved stupid pots of meat when God delivered them and was leading them to the Promised land with milk and honey and the presence of God and the abundant life and bliss. im just as foolish to desire sin, i forget that i was enslaved while indulging in these filthy pleasures. and even that these filthy pleasures are fleeting pleasures leading to death and will only continue to store up wrath for myself. i forget that i was ransomed, and how great the mercy of God is in loving me and delivering me.
im so foolish to love what enslaved me. and every so often it comsumes me, while the grace of God continually provides a way out. i just want to believe that God is better, i want to taste His goodness and desire the sweet taste of walking with God and knowing the pleasures found at His right hand. God tempt me to know you. make Yourself alluring to my wicked heart.