I guess
i made a livejournal!
I need a place to put a lot of my writing and thoughts and things.
so here we go :)
always the sea 11-11-07
another time
i have to remember to breathe
and i forget so often
that i revert to deep deep
drawing in
of everything around me
every car passing by
every person and every step
they are taking through the sidewalks
outside of my window
into theirs
into their own lives
their own love and family
i feel so stuck
like a figure in a painting
that wasnt supposed to be drawn at all
and instead of fading into the backround
stretching
straining
where is my strength
to get out of the rut
i seem to have convieniently fallen into
fallen,
like my flesh
away from the One who is always there
but i slide and slip and whisk Him out of my view
only for a few i say
but away is away
and a day is a day
and all this backtracking is taking its toll.
this air cannot fufill
these boys cannot hold
me still. or so i say
play with my own emotions
its different
its never different.
and i want to gain control.
but im breaking
shaking
alliterating, once more
.
is this happiness?
a good actress, but they will never see
her figure gliding through the curtains
only their doorways and hallways
the smiles are not fake
they are the only thing she knows
but where do the lies stop
and walls drop?
how does one truly surrender?
how far can the stretching and straining go?
are the chains fixed in stone?
they say He saves
and is brave
and can hold me when my ankles break.
i swear, i dont want to lose my hold of the sails guiding this ship
but can i let it be?
the world's fingers are squeezing tighter with every drink
every late night
every bit of hatred
quietly stroked like the fire
of a not so forgotten candle.
burning herself has gotten so
so,
commonplace?
that the pain really isnt bad.
no,
its not them.
its me, me, me.
can't you see?
it has to be my fault.
these hands
squeezing my lungs
are not yours Lord
they are mine.
can you find me?
can i let You?
You've thrown the raft
and forgotten my past before
this isnt new
but i want it to be so bad
I couldnt possibly doubt your strength
only my own.
have i really drifted this far?
I'll never admit it.
I want to let go of this
like so long ago, those balloons floated to the heavens
letting go was so easy, so free
wasn't it?
i could hold dad's hand and let it be.
Heres my pride.
Pry my fingers from the doorframe.
I need a place to put a lot of my writing and thoughts and things.
so here we go :)
always the sea 11-11-07
another time
i have to remember to breathe
and i forget so often
that i revert to deep deep
drawing in
of everything around me
every car passing by
every person and every step
they are taking through the sidewalks
outside of my window
into theirs
into their own lives
their own love and family
i feel so stuck
like a figure in a painting
that wasnt supposed to be drawn at all
and instead of fading into the backround
stretching
straining
where is my strength
to get out of the rut
i seem to have convieniently fallen into
fallen,
like my flesh
away from the One who is always there
but i slide and slip and whisk Him out of my view
only for a few i say
but away is away
and a day is a day
and all this backtracking is taking its toll.
this air cannot fufill
these boys cannot hold
me still. or so i say
play with my own emotions
its different
its never different.
and i want to gain control.
but im breaking
shaking
alliterating, once more
.
is this happiness?
a good actress, but they will never see
her figure gliding through the curtains
only their doorways and hallways
the smiles are not fake
they are the only thing she knows
but where do the lies stop
and walls drop?
how does one truly surrender?
how far can the stretching and straining go?
are the chains fixed in stone?
they say He saves
and is brave
and can hold me when my ankles break.
i swear, i dont want to lose my hold of the sails guiding this ship
but can i let it be?
the world's fingers are squeezing tighter with every drink
every late night
every bit of hatred
quietly stroked like the fire
of a not so forgotten candle.
burning herself has gotten so
so,
commonplace?
that the pain really isnt bad.
no,
its not them.
its me, me, me.
can't you see?
it has to be my fault.
these hands
squeezing my lungs
are not yours Lord
they are mine.
can you find me?
can i let You?
You've thrown the raft
and forgotten my past before
this isnt new
but i want it to be so bad
I couldnt possibly doubt your strength
only my own.
have i really drifted this far?
I'll never admit it.
I want to let go of this
like so long ago, those balloons floated to the heavens
letting go was so easy, so free
wasn't it?
i could hold dad's hand and let it be.
Heres my pride.
Pry my fingers from the doorframe.