!fanfic! BtVS Giles/Xander fic: Everything's Made To Be Broken
Is it just me, or have I not written G/X in AGES?
Title: Everything's Made To Be Broken
Genre: Romace/Angst
Pairing: Giles/Ethan, Xander/Anya, Giles/Xander
Rating: R-ish
Setting: Various seasons, pre-series and post-'Chosen'
Wordcount: 1,043
Inspired By: The song 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Everything's Made To Be Broken
Ethan falls out of bed sometimes, which is always inconvenient in a boarding school. He keeps getting bruises, which bothers Rupert more than it should. So one night he offers - just offers, friend to friend - to share a bed and stop him falling.
And though Ethan is sceptical of the idea, he allows it for his own sake. It turns out well. It happens often.
Rupert climbs into bed, leaning over Ethan to put out the light. As he does so he happens to look down, finds Ethan looking up. Up at him. Watching him with a sly, amused smile that only he can exhibit. And Rupert doesn’t put out the light, but just stays where he is. Allows himself to be watched.
Ethan’s smile widens, because he knows what Rupert’s thinking. He knows what just happened between them. He knows that any second now Rupert will lower his head, all nerves and adolescence, and what Ethan’s often thought about will be made real. And Ethan, in all honesty, has no problem with that scenario.
By the time they leave school, ready for university, Rupert is Ripper. Ethan still falls out of bed, but now he does it on purpose. He drags Ripper with him, naked and tangled in the sweat-soaked sheets. And if Ripper dislikes the bruises, he doesn’t show it, because he knows Ethan’s there to kiss them better.
And in his mind at the time, Ethan was always going to be there for him.
After they dance at the Prom, Xander takes her out to the trees. He tells her about the picnics that they’ve had on the grass, and she muses on the number of ants they must have crushed in doing so. He laughs in spite of himself - when Anya’s not talking about vengeance she’s actually… well… great.
He supposes that they’ll talk about nothing for a good long while, but she takes him by surprise. Sidling up against him in the moonlight, there’s a great big flashing neon sign of ‘Kiss Me’ in her eyes. He does, of course, and it turns out to be better than expected.
Out there in the moonlight, Anya sees something in Xander’s eyes, an uncommon glimmer for just a second. She doesn’t know what it is, nor does she care, all she knows is it’s there and she wants it to stay. Come hell or high water, she wants to have him look at her that way forever.
And amid the trees at the time, he swore he always would.
It’s not like they’ve never been in the stacks alone together before. Not like Xander hasn’t turned and found Giles right behind him, looking over him at the shelves he’s stacking. Not like Giles has never smiled down at him, all politeness and apologies. Not like they haven’t stayed facing each other, way too close for student-teacher, for just a bit too long.
But this time they’re about to be eaten by the Mayor, this time they’re both scared whether they choose to admit it or not. This time something happens to them, and they stay for more than ‘just a bit too long’.
This time a whole world of possibility lies before them, as far as the eye can see. Something could happen if they act. But neither does, and they part ways awkwardly. The moment between them is lost.
That moment, at the time, seemed like a huge mistake.
“I can’t do this. I can’t just forget about Randall.”
“You think I have?”
“I think you’d like to think you have.”
“You’re not making any sense, Ripper.”
“Then let me spell it out for you. There’s a position with the Council. It’s starter-level really, the sort of thing I missed out on, but it’s got potential.”
“The Council? The Council that you hate with a fiery passion?”
“The very same.”
Ethan stares at him, aghast. The most-revered Ripper Giles, his Ripper, wants to join the tweed army. He can’t be serious, he just can’t.
“Am I missing some crucial detail about the Council, Ripper, or is it still the place neither of us ever wanted to be ever? What’s suddenly so good about it?”
When Ripper speaks his voice is broken.
“It’s better than this.”
“Better than us?”
He just looks away, and suddenly Ripper is Rupert again.
He leaves the next morning, four words and half a kiss passing between them. And Rupert swears to himself that he’ll never make the same mistake again.
Xander tells her he’s sorry, but she barely hears him. Of all the days to pick to break up with her. Anya sighs between sobs. And the dress was so wonderfully expensive, too. He talks like it was never meant to be, but they both know that’s a lie. At some point in the past, there was nothing in Anya’s future but Xander in all his Xander-ness.
He’s not proud of having to run away, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. He can’t give her what she wants, can’t make her happy. Those visions, phoney or not, have opened his eyes. Xander’s set himself up for disaster from Day One, and now he sees the error of his oh-so-oafish ways.
He won’t repeat the disaster; he’ll never cause himself that pain again.
They hold a memorial for Anya, and it seems weirdly apt to Xander that he and Giles sleep together that night. And maybe it’s still the same mistake it was all those years ago. Maybe they can’t quite see those same possibilities any more. Maybe those options don’t even exist now. But Xander still lets it happen, despite all the promises he’s made about ‘never again’ and ‘fool me once’. He wants it and he takes it while he can.
Rupert knows he’s setting himself up for another heartbreak, falling into another doomed relationship. But he does it anyway because he wants to, and to hell with the consequences. He knows by now that it will end badly - that Xander will be another Ethan - and he doesn’t spare it a second thought.
Everything’s made to be broken. Every relationship has an end.
Giles makes a point of delaying that end for as long as possible.
Xander does the same.
Title: Everything's Made To Be Broken
Genre: Romace/Angst
Pairing: Giles/Ethan, Xander/Anya, Giles/Xander
Rating: R-ish
Setting: Various seasons, pre-series and post-'Chosen'
Wordcount: 1,043
Inspired By: The song 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Everything's Made To Be Broken
Ethan falls out of bed sometimes, which is always inconvenient in a boarding school. He keeps getting bruises, which bothers Rupert more than it should. So one night he offers - just offers, friend to friend - to share a bed and stop him falling.
And though Ethan is sceptical of the idea, he allows it for his own sake. It turns out well. It happens often.
Rupert climbs into bed, leaning over Ethan to put out the light. As he does so he happens to look down, finds Ethan looking up. Up at him. Watching him with a sly, amused smile that only he can exhibit. And Rupert doesn’t put out the light, but just stays where he is. Allows himself to be watched.
Ethan’s smile widens, because he knows what Rupert’s thinking. He knows what just happened between them. He knows that any second now Rupert will lower his head, all nerves and adolescence, and what Ethan’s often thought about will be made real. And Ethan, in all honesty, has no problem with that scenario.
By the time they leave school, ready for university, Rupert is Ripper. Ethan still falls out of bed, but now he does it on purpose. He drags Ripper with him, naked and tangled in the sweat-soaked sheets. And if Ripper dislikes the bruises, he doesn’t show it, because he knows Ethan’s there to kiss them better.
And in his mind at the time, Ethan was always going to be there for him.
After they dance at the Prom, Xander takes her out to the trees. He tells her about the picnics that they’ve had on the grass, and she muses on the number of ants they must have crushed in doing so. He laughs in spite of himself - when Anya’s not talking about vengeance she’s actually… well… great.
He supposes that they’ll talk about nothing for a good long while, but she takes him by surprise. Sidling up against him in the moonlight, there’s a great big flashing neon sign of ‘Kiss Me’ in her eyes. He does, of course, and it turns out to be better than expected.
Out there in the moonlight, Anya sees something in Xander’s eyes, an uncommon glimmer for just a second. She doesn’t know what it is, nor does she care, all she knows is it’s there and she wants it to stay. Come hell or high water, she wants to have him look at her that way forever.
And amid the trees at the time, he swore he always would.
It’s not like they’ve never been in the stacks alone together before. Not like Xander hasn’t turned and found Giles right behind him, looking over him at the shelves he’s stacking. Not like Giles has never smiled down at him, all politeness and apologies. Not like they haven’t stayed facing each other, way too close for student-teacher, for just a bit too long.
But this time they’re about to be eaten by the Mayor, this time they’re both scared whether they choose to admit it or not. This time something happens to them, and they stay for more than ‘just a bit too long’.
This time a whole world of possibility lies before them, as far as the eye can see. Something could happen if they act. But neither does, and they part ways awkwardly. The moment between them is lost.
That moment, at the time, seemed like a huge mistake.
“I can’t do this. I can’t just forget about Randall.”
“You think I have?”
“I think you’d like to think you have.”
“You’re not making any sense, Ripper.”
“Then let me spell it out for you. There’s a position with the Council. It’s starter-level really, the sort of thing I missed out on, but it’s got potential.”
“The Council? The Council that you hate with a fiery passion?”
“The very same.”
Ethan stares at him, aghast. The most-revered Ripper Giles, his Ripper, wants to join the tweed army. He can’t be serious, he just can’t.
“Am I missing some crucial detail about the Council, Ripper, or is it still the place neither of us ever wanted to be ever? What’s suddenly so good about it?”
When Ripper speaks his voice is broken.
“It’s better than this.”
“Better than us?”
He just looks away, and suddenly Ripper is Rupert again.
He leaves the next morning, four words and half a kiss passing between them. And Rupert swears to himself that he’ll never make the same mistake again.
Xander tells her he’s sorry, but she barely hears him. Of all the days to pick to break up with her. Anya sighs between sobs. And the dress was so wonderfully expensive, too. He talks like it was never meant to be, but they both know that’s a lie. At some point in the past, there was nothing in Anya’s future but Xander in all his Xander-ness.
He’s not proud of having to run away, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. He can’t give her what she wants, can’t make her happy. Those visions, phoney or not, have opened his eyes. Xander’s set himself up for disaster from Day One, and now he sees the error of his oh-so-oafish ways.
He won’t repeat the disaster; he’ll never cause himself that pain again.
They hold a memorial for Anya, and it seems weirdly apt to Xander that he and Giles sleep together that night. And maybe it’s still the same mistake it was all those years ago. Maybe they can’t quite see those same possibilities any more. Maybe those options don’t even exist now. But Xander still lets it happen, despite all the promises he’s made about ‘never again’ and ‘fool me once’. He wants it and he takes it while he can.
Rupert knows he’s setting himself up for another heartbreak, falling into another doomed relationship. But he does it anyway because he wants to, and to hell with the consequences. He knows by now that it will end badly - that Xander will be another Ethan - and he doesn’t spare it a second thought.
Everything’s made to be broken. Every relationship has an end.
Giles makes a point of delaying that end for as long as possible.
Xander does the same.