Someone's gonna kick me for this....>_>
Well, the summer plods on. For me anyway. It must be me, but July seems to be going on forever...? Life is busy. The home life anyway. Chores, cleaning, tossing, sorting, the list goes on. Mrrh. I find myself so submerged in it, that I can't help but feel like I'm neglecting my social life. Wait...I am. I've been late for two birthdays, I haven't really called anyone, even though I think about doing so and want to.
Ironically, I find myself thinking about things while I'm working. A lot. It bugs me sometimes. Thinking, for me, is both good and bad. I'm able to sort things out, but also twist things around, worry too much, psych myself out, blah blah blah. This story is old to some, I know. Usually, I'm more direct about this stuff, but for some bizarre reason, what I want to talk about and settle won't ID itself. I can't pinpoint anything. Nothing at all. I'm not sure what is bugging me, what's making me fret so much. Ugh.
Even so, I also think a lot when I'm stressed. And so far, this summer has been anything but relaxed. Not to say that I get downtime, cause I do. The atmosphere is tense, so I tense, and stress. And think. I swear I'm my own worst enemy.
I think, but not convinced, that what it all comes down to is I'm stressed out and I hate long distance relationships of any kind. Friendships are hard enough. Anything more is just wrong. The worst part is I knew it was coming, and I thought it wouldn't be that bad. Ha.
Which comes down to this crap...stressing, worrying and thinking. I'm second-guessing everything. I feel guilty about not calling enough, or talking openly enough. I'm not holding back anything or keeping secrets. It's just not much is going on, so I'm not the world's greatest conversationalist lately, and I feel bad about it. I can't help but think that he thinks I'm not interested in talking, or don't want to talk, or don't care....ugh. Then there's more guilt about not calling enough. Guilt in general I guess. I can't help worrying that he's putting more into it than I am. He calls more than I do, but much of the time he beats me to it. I do call, but he's @ work, and the schedule times vary as to when he'll be around. It's hit or miss.
So yeah, I'm buggin. I hate it. It's very distracting, and leaves me in a funk. But those that know me, know well enough that I can't keep things bottled up. I have to vent, one way or another. So thanks for putting up with it. Sorry for the babble. I'm open to advice, etc.
Ironically, I find myself thinking about things while I'm working. A lot. It bugs me sometimes. Thinking, for me, is both good and bad. I'm able to sort things out, but also twist things around, worry too much, psych myself out, blah blah blah. This story is old to some, I know. Usually, I'm more direct about this stuff, but for some bizarre reason, what I want to talk about and settle won't ID itself. I can't pinpoint anything. Nothing at all. I'm not sure what is bugging me, what's making me fret so much. Ugh.
Even so, I also think a lot when I'm stressed. And so far, this summer has been anything but relaxed. Not to say that I get downtime, cause I do. The atmosphere is tense, so I tense, and stress. And think. I swear I'm my own worst enemy.
I think, but not convinced, that what it all comes down to is I'm stressed out and I hate long distance relationships of any kind. Friendships are hard enough. Anything more is just wrong. The worst part is I knew it was coming, and I thought it wouldn't be that bad. Ha.
Which comes down to this crap...stressing, worrying and thinking. I'm second-guessing everything. I feel guilty about not calling enough, or talking openly enough. I'm not holding back anything or keeping secrets. It's just not much is going on, so I'm not the world's greatest conversationalist lately, and I feel bad about it. I can't help but think that he thinks I'm not interested in talking, or don't want to talk, or don't care....ugh. Then there's more guilt about not calling enough. Guilt in general I guess. I can't help worrying that he's putting more into it than I am. He calls more than I do, but much of the time he beats me to it. I do call, but he's @ work, and the schedule times vary as to when he'll be around. It's hit or miss.
So yeah, I'm buggin. I hate it. It's very distracting, and leaves me in a funk. But those that know me, know well enough that I can't keep things bottled up. I have to vent, one way or another. So thanks for putting up with it. Sorry for the babble. I'm open to advice, etc.