Fic: The Fourteencth Journal (1/?)
TITLE: The Fourteenth Journal
AUTHOR: MadDoctorMaddie
RATING: T/PG-13
GENRE: Humor/Comedy/Parody/Satire(ish)
WORD COUNT: 1665 (minus author notes)
CHARACTERS: Organization 13, OC
SUMMARY: Xieve has just joined the Organization, making it Organization XIV! But she immediately got in trouble, thanks to her rather thoughtless remarks on her colleagues. So The Superior has commanded her to write a journal. (Xieve isn't related to the real number XIV Xion, I didn't know enough of her to write about when I started to make this... But on with the story!) This is slightly AU, as it clashes with quite a few points canon has made after/during the writing of this fic. Set after KH2, sorta.
AN: I wrote the first chapter nearly two years ago, and I'm finally subjecting people to the horrors. This isn't a very serious project, as I've only written it when I've been excruciatingly bored, so while constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated (like always), it's not the most important thing in my mind when I post this, I'm just trying to provide a couple laughs for you. So keep that in mind before you start posting essays giving advice/critique.
Also, this will be up-dated extremely irregularly, if ever.
WARNING: Contains quite a bit of bad language, very mild suggestive themes, and mentions of yaoi/slash in speculative/joking fashion (maybe, I might have edited that out). Oh, and character bashing, also done in a joking fashion, as I actually have started to love practically all of the guys and gals here xD.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I think Xieve is the only thing that's mine. I don't even own this computer I'm writing on!
IN STORY DISCLAIMER: Opinions expressed by the author of the journal don't necessarily express the ones of the publisher, and the opinions are based on first, very shallow impressions.
Entry 1 -The One Where Things Get Started
Okay, I don't really know how to start this thing, 'Dear Diary' seems kinda... overused. Maybe I'll just begin by telling why the hell I'm writing this stupid thing. I personally see no point in this, I'm probably gonna forget this in two days. No, make that a day and a half.
Well, apparently some of the Organization members were offended by some of the truthful things I had said about them. I mean, what the fuck, we can't feel anything! And Vexen is the kinda geek that would get pushed in to lockers daily if this were high-school (actually, he still gets pushed in to the lockers, but that's another story). Larxene probably is on speed. Xaldin's sideburns make him seem unintelligent.
Ooops, sorry, I kinda go off topic easily... Anyways, the Superior commanded me to write this... journal I 'spose, since he thinks that this way I can express my 'feelings' after putting some thought to it, in stead of just blurting things out... And he somehow got the picture that I would like writing, since I spend some time in the library. Bullshit. I only like writing when I do it for fun, not when I have to write something because someone, a teacher, or a Superior commanded me to. YOU SEE THIS SIR? I'M NOT ENJOYING MY 'SPECIAL COOLING DOWN BY EXPRESSING MYSELF'-TIME AT ALL!!! Yes, he's reading this over my shoulder as I write, he didn't trust me enough to do this on my own... It's kinda offensive, you know?
Maybe I could tell my first impressions of my beloved colleagues for starters...
Number I - Xemnas, The Superior
What can I say... Our strong, mighty leader is loved by all of the Organization. His incredible intelligence, graceful, yet deadly fighting, that masculine voice of his, his unearthly good looks... I can't praise him enough... YES, he's gone!!! I can finally write freely! Okay, first of all, the Superior is an arrogant, self-centered d*ck, who only cares about world domination. His leisure time activities include pissing everyone off, bossing us around, sending us to crazy suicide missions, speaking annoyingly slowly...
I'm having a hard time trusting a guy whose name is an anagram of 'Mansex' (oh yeah, I pulled out the Mansex-card >xD) or 'Sexman'. Have you seen the way he keeps staring at the younger male-members? It's just creepy, and he couldn't say a line quickly even to save his damned non-life! Ah, damn, I'm starting to use Nobody-related grammar again, it's such a pain, so I'll try to minimize it. Plus, by using normal grammar, I can sorta make myself believe I still have a heart... But enough about me and my tragic tale!
So, in summary about the Superior: I have no trouble understanding why XI wants to take over. I don't know whether he would make a better leader, though... Oops, I should save that for his description:
XI - Marluxia, The Graceful Assassin
Honestly, the first time I saw him, I thought he was a chick. Then he spoke... Shit, he's got like the lowest voice I've heard ever, it's really nerve-wrecking for some reason. He is very, very vain, he probably spends more time in the bathroom than I do. And I can spend a hellish amount of time in there! Like I said previously, he wanted to take over the Organization, but apparently some twerp called Sora bashed his plans...
'Marly' likes flowers. Pink roses, to be exact. He spends a lot of his time taking care of his garden. Oh, he's always seen with his pal, Larxene! I'll introduce her next.
XII - Larxene, The Savage Nymph
There are two simple words to describe my only female colleague: Sadistic Bitch. Seriously, I saw her carrying a book by Marquis du Sade the other day, nearly pissed my pants. I'm not sure was it because of amusement or fear... Maybe both! I'm a bit too scared of her to write more, if somebody (=Nobody) can find this, it's her!
VIII - Axel, The Flurry of Dancing Flames
PYROMANIAC! I've been here like, less than a week, and he's already burned two of my dinners, my reports, my freaking bed, my coffee...
He's got the most gravity defying hair I've ever seen, and the do is red, of course.
He's kind of a pervert, and he can make a simple phrase like "Grandma's chicken salad!" sound sexual. And he does his little innuendo's to everyone, no matter what the persons sex...
I kinda see a love triangle between him, Larxene and Marluxia... Oh, scratch that, the way Axel's so possessive of XIII makes it a square! Maybe I should join them, just for the hell of it, I mean, it's not everyday you see a love pentagon.
Nah, I'll think I'll pass this time.
III - Xaldin, The Whirlwind Lancer
I don't really know about him too much, I'm kinda scared of him... He doesn't seem too nice if you ask me!
XIII - Roxas, The Key of Destiny
Hmmm, what can I say, this dude has got EMO written all over him. He's never far from Axel, the two of them are inseparable. He's kinda sweet, have to admit... When he opens his mouth, that is. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him, with all the hassle going on, unfortunately...
VI - Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer
Unlike Roxy, he is SO NOT EMO!!! Sure, his hair is a bit angsty, but that's just to cover his true intentions. Plus it's got this 'dark and mysterious' thing going on, which I've always found appealing.
Zexion is one of the few males you would describe with the word 'beautiful', rather than 'handsome' or 'good looking'. He's a bit too pretty for his own good, if you ask me. But then again, the guy is a close to a genius, he can talk himself out of most situations. Oh, he's got one of the coolest weapons too, a giant book, only IX's is better in my opinion!
IX - Demyx, The Melodious Nocturne
He is like... so adorable! I can't help but to think about puppies every time I see him! He's the only one who's been nice to me, without it having anything to do with sex... And out of everyone, he's most like me, just a bit more cheerful...
He promised to give me guitar lessons too, so cool!!! He looks a little weak, though, but seeing that that is like his only flaw, apart from being maybe a bit too laid back at times, I think it can be forgiven. Like I said before, he's been really nice to me, and out of the Organization, he is closest to me. And he's just soooo cute, I can't get over it! He's got this weird talent of making me lapse into Valley Speak for some reason... Like, puzzling.
IV - Vexen, The Chilly Academic
Uhh, creep alert! He's got the scariest laugh I've ever heard, he talks incoherently... He's a good scientist, have to admit, just as long as he STAYS THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!
II - Xigbar, The Freeshooter
He's even more perverted than Axel. And a drunk. And he needs to stop groping me. And he seriously needs a reality check. Just because I don't beat the living shit out of him every time I see him doesn't mean that I wanna sleep with him. And 'just' because I don't wanna sleep with that old, deformed, ugly... guy, doesn't mean that I'm PMS'ing. Maybe I should follow Larxene's advise and either stay away from him, or make him wish that he was never born, then turned into a Heartless, thus creating a Nobody. I like the sound of that.
X - Luxord, The Gambler of Fate
I don't understand this guy. Literally. His vocabulary is like... larger than life! Like his title suggests, he's a gambler, and he carries a pack of cards everywhere he goes. Axel said that they were his weapons, but I know he's trying to fool me! I mean, cards? Puh-lease!
VII - Saïx, The Luna Diviner
Oh my, were to start... He's a rather controversial guy... Maybe I'll start with the negative thoughts:
Scary as hell, doesn't talk at all, goes completely psycho when fighting. He's got elf ears, and I think he's got fangs. His whole being screams "WEREWOLF!" If you decide to call him a werewolf, you're bound to lose some body-parts (rumor has it that that's how Xiggy lost his eye and got those scars... >XD!) He's a ass-kisser. Saïx is the real number two of the Organization.
Now the positive points!
He's a goddamned good fighter. Especially when he's 'Berserk'. He's doesn't talk a lot (like I said in the cons) which is cool sometimes, but can get very frustrating when you're trying to have a conversation with him. He's so... sad in some ways, so desperate to get his heart back. He's got that 'wounded animal' thing going on, which makes my feminine instincts kick in, I just wanna nurse him, make him smile at least once, because of happiness, not because he's been allowed to kill someone...
But I'll be damned before I'd admit this infront of anyone.
Okay now, after loving and hating members, I think I've written enough about my colleagues... Wait a sec, I'm remembering something... OH SHIT!!! I forgot Lexaeus! Uhh, here you go:
V - Lexaeus, The Silent Hero
Umm, he doesn't talk at all. He's usually around Zexion. He's freakishly big and strong. He's got a pet rock called 'Quistis' for some reason, which is painted orange...
Hmmm, this was actually pretty fun... Maybe I'll actually put some effort in this the next time! Okay, that's more than enough, I think! G'night, I need to sleep now. FUCK. It's four, freaking, thirty in the morning. I have to wake up in two hours. I'm not gonna live through tomorrow. Good bye!
AN: Gawd, I really hated a few members back then, and had some serious issues... >.< Thanks for anyone who made it this far, I appreciate it. Please feel free to comment, be it praise (yeah right), constructive criticism (don't put too much effort, and remember what I said in the AN), or a flame (that will be extinguished with the flamer's own piss.
AUTHOR: MadDoctorMaddie
RATING: T/PG-13
GENRE: Humor/Comedy/Parody/Satire(ish)
WORD COUNT: 1665 (minus author notes)
CHARACTERS: Organization 13, OC
SUMMARY: Xieve has just joined the Organization, making it Organization XIV! But she immediately got in trouble, thanks to her rather thoughtless remarks on her colleagues. So The Superior has commanded her to write a journal. (Xieve isn't related to the real number XIV Xion, I didn't know enough of her to write about when I started to make this... But on with the story!) This is slightly AU, as it clashes with quite a few points canon has made after/during the writing of this fic. Set after KH2, sorta.
AN: I wrote the first chapter nearly two years ago, and I'm finally subjecting people to the horrors. This isn't a very serious project, as I've only written it when I've been excruciatingly bored, so while constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated (like always), it's not the most important thing in my mind when I post this, I'm just trying to provide a couple laughs for you. So keep that in mind before you start posting essays giving advice/critique.
Also, this will be up-dated extremely irregularly, if ever.
WARNING: Contains quite a bit of bad language, very mild suggestive themes, and mentions of yaoi/slash in speculative/joking fashion (maybe, I might have edited that out). Oh, and character bashing, also done in a joking fashion, as I actually have started to love practically all of the guys and gals here xD.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I think Xieve is the only thing that's mine. I don't even own this computer I'm writing on!
IN STORY DISCLAIMER: Opinions expressed by the author of the journal don't necessarily express the ones of the publisher, and the opinions are based on first, very shallow impressions.
Entry 1 -The One Where Things Get Started
Okay, I don't really know how to start this thing, 'Dear Diary' seems kinda... overused. Maybe I'll just begin by telling why the hell I'm writing this stupid thing. I personally see no point in this, I'm probably gonna forget this in two days. No, make that a day and a half.
Well, apparently some of the Organization members were offended by some of the truthful things I had said about them. I mean, what the fuck, we can't feel anything! And Vexen is the kinda geek that would get pushed in to lockers daily if this were high-school (actually, he still gets pushed in to the lockers, but that's another story). Larxene probably is on speed. Xaldin's sideburns make him seem unintelligent.
Ooops, sorry, I kinda go off topic easily... Anyways, the Superior commanded me to write this... journal I 'spose, since he thinks that this way I can express my 'feelings' after putting some thought to it, in stead of just blurting things out... And he somehow got the picture that I would like writing, since I spend some time in the library. Bullshit. I only like writing when I do it for fun, not when I have to write something because someone, a teacher, or a Superior commanded me to. YOU SEE THIS SIR? I'M NOT ENJOYING MY 'SPECIAL COOLING DOWN BY EXPRESSING MYSELF'-TIME AT ALL!!! Yes, he's reading this over my shoulder as I write, he didn't trust me enough to do this on my own... It's kinda offensive, you know?
Maybe I could tell my first impressions of my beloved colleagues for starters...
Number I - Xemnas, The Superior
What can I say... Our strong, mighty leader is loved by all of the Organization. His incredible intelligence, graceful, yet deadly fighting, that masculine voice of his, his unearthly good looks... I can't praise him enough... YES, he's gone!!! I can finally write freely! Okay, first of all, the Superior is an arrogant, self-centered d*ck, who only cares about world domination. His leisure time activities include pissing everyone off, bossing us around, sending us to crazy suicide missions, speaking annoyingly slowly...
I'm having a hard time trusting a guy whose name is an anagram of 'Mansex' (oh yeah, I pulled out the Mansex-card >xD) or 'Sexman'. Have you seen the way he keeps staring at the younger male-members? It's just creepy, and he couldn't say a line quickly even to save his damned non-life! Ah, damn, I'm starting to use Nobody-related grammar again, it's such a pain, so I'll try to minimize it. Plus, by using normal grammar, I can sorta make myself believe I still have a heart... But enough about me and my tragic tale!
So, in summary about the Superior: I have no trouble understanding why XI wants to take over. I don't know whether he would make a better leader, though... Oops, I should save that for his description:
XI - Marluxia, The Graceful Assassin
Honestly, the first time I saw him, I thought he was a chick. Then he spoke... Shit, he's got like the lowest voice I've heard ever, it's really nerve-wrecking for some reason. He is very, very vain, he probably spends more time in the bathroom than I do. And I can spend a hellish amount of time in there! Like I said previously, he wanted to take over the Organization, but apparently some twerp called Sora bashed his plans...
'Marly' likes flowers. Pink roses, to be exact. He spends a lot of his time taking care of his garden. Oh, he's always seen with his pal, Larxene! I'll introduce her next.
XII - Larxene, The Savage Nymph
There are two simple words to describe my only female colleague: Sadistic Bitch. Seriously, I saw her carrying a book by Marquis du Sade the other day, nearly pissed my pants. I'm not sure was it because of amusement or fear... Maybe both! I'm a bit too scared of her to write more, if somebody (=Nobody) can find this, it's her!
VIII - Axel, The Flurry of Dancing Flames
PYROMANIAC! I've been here like, less than a week, and he's already burned two of my dinners, my reports, my freaking bed, my coffee...
He's got the most gravity defying hair I've ever seen, and the do is red, of course.
He's kind of a pervert, and he can make a simple phrase like "Grandma's chicken salad!" sound sexual. And he does his little innuendo's to everyone, no matter what the persons sex...
I kinda see a love triangle between him, Larxene and Marluxia... Oh, scratch that, the way Axel's so possessive of XIII makes it a square! Maybe I should join them, just for the hell of it, I mean, it's not everyday you see a love pentagon.
Nah, I'll think I'll pass this time.
III - Xaldin, The Whirlwind Lancer
I don't really know about him too much, I'm kinda scared of him... He doesn't seem too nice if you ask me!
XIII - Roxas, The Key of Destiny
Hmmm, what can I say, this dude has got EMO written all over him. He's never far from Axel, the two of them are inseparable. He's kinda sweet, have to admit... When he opens his mouth, that is. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him, with all the hassle going on, unfortunately...
VI - Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer
Unlike Roxy, he is SO NOT EMO!!! Sure, his hair is a bit angsty, but that's just to cover his true intentions. Plus it's got this 'dark and mysterious' thing going on, which I've always found appealing.
Zexion is one of the few males you would describe with the word 'beautiful', rather than 'handsome' or 'good looking'. He's a bit too pretty for his own good, if you ask me. But then again, the guy is a close to a genius, he can talk himself out of most situations. Oh, he's got one of the coolest weapons too, a giant book, only IX's is better in my opinion!
IX - Demyx, The Melodious Nocturne
He is like... so adorable! I can't help but to think about puppies every time I see him! He's the only one who's been nice to me, without it having anything to do with sex... And out of everyone, he's most like me, just a bit more cheerful...
He promised to give me guitar lessons too, so cool!!! He looks a little weak, though, but seeing that that is like his only flaw, apart from being maybe a bit too laid back at times, I think it can be forgiven. Like I said before, he's been really nice to me, and out of the Organization, he is closest to me. And he's just soooo cute, I can't get over it! He's got this weird talent of making me lapse into Valley Speak for some reason... Like, puzzling.
IV - Vexen, The Chilly Academic
Uhh, creep alert! He's got the scariest laugh I've ever heard, he talks incoherently... He's a good scientist, have to admit, just as long as he STAYS THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!
II - Xigbar, The Freeshooter
He's even more perverted than Axel. And a drunk. And he needs to stop groping me. And he seriously needs a reality check. Just because I don't beat the living shit out of him every time I see him doesn't mean that I wanna sleep with him. And 'just' because I don't wanna sleep with that old, deformed, ugly... guy, doesn't mean that I'm PMS'ing. Maybe I should follow Larxene's advise and either stay away from him, or make him wish that he was never born, then turned into a Heartless, thus creating a Nobody. I like the sound of that.
X - Luxord, The Gambler of Fate
I don't understand this guy. Literally. His vocabulary is like... larger than life! Like his title suggests, he's a gambler, and he carries a pack of cards everywhere he goes. Axel said that they were his weapons, but I know he's trying to fool me! I mean, cards? Puh-lease!
VII - Saïx, The Luna Diviner
Oh my, were to start... He's a rather controversial guy... Maybe I'll start with the negative thoughts:
Scary as hell, doesn't talk at all, goes completely psycho when fighting. He's got elf ears, and I think he's got fangs. His whole being screams "WEREWOLF!" If you decide to call him a werewolf, you're bound to lose some body-parts (rumor has it that that's how Xiggy lost his eye and got those scars... >XD!) He's a ass-kisser. Saïx is the real number two of the Organization.
Now the positive points!
He's a goddamned good fighter. Especially when he's 'Berserk'. He's doesn't talk a lot (like I said in the cons) which is cool sometimes, but can get very frustrating when you're trying to have a conversation with him. He's so... sad in some ways, so desperate to get his heart back. He's got that 'wounded animal' thing going on, which makes my feminine instincts kick in, I just wanna nurse him, make him smile at least once, because of happiness, not because he's been allowed to kill someone...
But I'll be damned before I'd admit this infront of anyone.
Okay now, after loving and hating members, I think I've written enough about my colleagues... Wait a sec, I'm remembering something... OH SHIT!!! I forgot Lexaeus! Uhh, here you go:
V - Lexaeus, The Silent Hero
Umm, he doesn't talk at all. He's usually around Zexion. He's freakishly big and strong. He's got a pet rock called 'Quistis' for some reason, which is painted orange...
Hmmm, this was actually pretty fun... Maybe I'll actually put some effort in this the next time! Okay, that's more than enough, I think! G'night, I need to sleep now. FUCK. It's four, freaking, thirty in the morning. I have to wake up in two hours. I'm not gonna live through tomorrow. Good bye!
AN: Gawd, I really hated a few members back then, and had some serious issues... >.< Thanks for anyone who made it this far, I appreciate it. Please feel free to comment, be it praise (yeah right), constructive criticism (don't put too much effort, and remember what I said in the AN), or a flame (that will be extinguished with the flamer's own piss.