Thanks and update
The good stuff first.
A huge thank you to odogoddess and chazpure for my postcard, which made me giggle, and for the package that arrived today. I haven't used the bath soak yet - - I'll do that this weekend when I can *really* relax - - but I have had some chocolate. It really does help. *g* And your sweet note made me smile. It was a welcome surprise after the awful weekend here. Love you both.
I also got a lovely London postcard from chris_baby. Thank you, sweetie!
And when J got home from checking our Rhine PO box Saturday, I had a beautiful Canadian scenes calendar from betagoddess. Thank you so much, it's so pretty!
You guys have no ideas how these things, and your sweet comments and hugs and good thoughts help. I was telling Sheila about all of my wonderful online friends the other day, and she said it sounds like I have a great support system, and it's true. You guys are the best.
Now, the not so good.
Mom is getting crazier by the day. That's mean, I guess, but she is so confused. Saturday was a bad day. Mom was very confused. I sat with her nearly all day. J had to work, then went by our house, and picked up our mail, and went by his mom and dad's. So, we sat and watched the westerns on TV Land, and I made Christmas ornaments. But she was in a very antagonistic mood - - if I went along with what she said, she got mad, and if I didn't and tried to correct her, she still got mad. She's getting weaker. I managed to get her into her chair, but when she got ready for bed, I had trouble getting her back in bed - - if she would just hold onto me, I could do it, she doesn't weigh all that much now, but she kept working against me, trying to sit back down because she couldn't stand up. So, she ended up scratching her arm badly - - her skin is like tissue - - and was still in her chair. And she was pissed. She told me one of us was going to have to leave, because she would not be bossed around in her own house(that is funny, or ironic, considering what she said Friday night). I told her that I was going to be here taking care of her, so we might as well try and get along, and that I wasn't trying to boss her around, but if she would let me, I could get into bed. She finally agreed. I gave her her night meds, and thought, finally, she'll go to sleep and I can relax. Not two minutes after I sat down in here, she called me. She had stuff she wanted to ask. She wanted to know who the man was who moved in here after Ben died. I told her no one has moved in here except me and J. Then she asked about that - - she didn't like that we moved in here without asking her. I didn't quite know what to say to that, so I asked her did she not want us here? She said no, but we should've discussed it with her. Her meds kicked in, thank God, and she went to sleep.
Yesterday was more of the same. When she woke up, I asked her what she'd like to eat so she could take her morning meds. She claimed she'd already eaten, and taken them, twice. I told her she hadn't, and asked what she'd eaten. When she couldn't tell me, she agreed to eat and take them. And it was just more of the same all day. Then in the afternoon, she started crying, begging for a cigarette. I made a deal with her, that she could only smoke when someone is with her, and she actually suggested I let her have 5 cigarettes a day. She remembered that today, but who knows about tomorrow. And the first one I gave her, she dropped.
And this afternoon, Terry and Regina were over here this afternoon, and when I went through to go to the bathroom, she said we all needed to have a meeting. Why? Because, "I don't even know where I'm living." Again. I told her, *again*, she's lived her for over 5 years. I asked if she would believe Terry. She said yes, but I know she doesn't, and I have had it. How do people taking care of Alzheimer's patients deal with this?
Sheila is going to tell her Wednesday that they want her to go int he hospital for a few days. God only knows how she'll take that. I'm afraid she'll either think I'm trying to get rid of her, or refuse to go. But I have to have a break. The only thing keeping me from coming apart right now is that she *will* be going to the hospital for a few days.
I'm miserable, I'm not sleeping well, but then again, I don't want to get up in the morning, knowing what I'll be facing. I'm having headaches, and my back, neck and shoulders hurt all the time again. I keep thinking, one day, possibly soon, this will all be over, and I look forward to it. Then I feel overwhelming guilt, knowing what that will mean.
A huge thank you to odogoddess and chazpure for my postcard, which made me giggle, and for the package that arrived today. I haven't used the bath soak yet - - I'll do that this weekend when I can *really* relax - - but I have had some chocolate. It really does help. *g* And your sweet note made me smile. It was a welcome surprise after the awful weekend here. Love you both.
I also got a lovely London postcard from chris_baby. Thank you, sweetie!
And when J got home from checking our Rhine PO box Saturday, I had a beautiful Canadian scenes calendar from betagoddess. Thank you so much, it's so pretty!
You guys have no ideas how these things, and your sweet comments and hugs and good thoughts help. I was telling Sheila about all of my wonderful online friends the other day, and she said it sounds like I have a great support system, and it's true. You guys are the best.
Now, the not so good.
Mom is getting crazier by the day. That's mean, I guess, but she is so confused. Saturday was a bad day. Mom was very confused. I sat with her nearly all day. J had to work, then went by our house, and picked up our mail, and went by his mom and dad's. So, we sat and watched the westerns on TV Land, and I made Christmas ornaments. But she was in a very antagonistic mood - - if I went along with what she said, she got mad, and if I didn't and tried to correct her, she still got mad. She's getting weaker. I managed to get her into her chair, but when she got ready for bed, I had trouble getting her back in bed - - if she would just hold onto me, I could do it, she doesn't weigh all that much now, but she kept working against me, trying to sit back down because she couldn't stand up. So, she ended up scratching her arm badly - - her skin is like tissue - - and was still in her chair. And she was pissed. She told me one of us was going to have to leave, because she would not be bossed around in her own house(that is funny, or ironic, considering what she said Friday night). I told her that I was going to be here taking care of her, so we might as well try and get along, and that I wasn't trying to boss her around, but if she would let me, I could get into bed. She finally agreed. I gave her her night meds, and thought, finally, she'll go to sleep and I can relax. Not two minutes after I sat down in here, she called me. She had stuff she wanted to ask. She wanted to know who the man was who moved in here after Ben died. I told her no one has moved in here except me and J. Then she asked about that - - she didn't like that we moved in here without asking her. I didn't quite know what to say to that, so I asked her did she not want us here? She said no, but we should've discussed it with her. Her meds kicked in, thank God, and she went to sleep.
Yesterday was more of the same. When she woke up, I asked her what she'd like to eat so she could take her morning meds. She claimed she'd already eaten, and taken them, twice. I told her she hadn't, and asked what she'd eaten. When she couldn't tell me, she agreed to eat and take them. And it was just more of the same all day. Then in the afternoon, she started crying, begging for a cigarette. I made a deal with her, that she could only smoke when someone is with her, and she actually suggested I let her have 5 cigarettes a day. She remembered that today, but who knows about tomorrow. And the first one I gave her, she dropped.
And this afternoon, Terry and Regina were over here this afternoon, and when I went through to go to the bathroom, she said we all needed to have a meeting. Why? Because, "I don't even know where I'm living." Again. I told her, *again*, she's lived her for over 5 years. I asked if she would believe Terry. She said yes, but I know she doesn't, and I have had it. How do people taking care of Alzheimer's patients deal with this?
Sheila is going to tell her Wednesday that they want her to go int he hospital for a few days. God only knows how she'll take that. I'm afraid she'll either think I'm trying to get rid of her, or refuse to go. But I have to have a break. The only thing keeping me from coming apart right now is that she *will* be going to the hospital for a few days.
I'm miserable, I'm not sleeping well, but then again, I don't want to get up in the morning, knowing what I'll be facing. I'm having headaches, and my back, neck and shoulders hurt all the time again. I keep thinking, one day, possibly soon, this will all be over, and I look forward to it. Then I feel overwhelming guilt, knowing what that will mean.