Should I be happy or sad. Am I alone out there?
Everyone is entitled to their rants so here is mine. Why is that when i try and do something good and help someone, i get kicked in the ass. Does Murphey follow me around everyone. Demon be gone. I recently lent a friend some finacial help in hopes that they would pay me back. I know she will in time but i also am trying to get her a better job so she won't have to worry about where her next rent check is coming from. A friend of mine works at a resturant and could possibly get her a job that was not on commission and she could pay me back a bit sooner. Mind you, I don't really have the funds to be helping anyone right now but i'd rather help a friend then have food in my fridge. So last night we were supposed to go and see about getting her a stable job and she ditched on me. I know many of you will say that I shouldn't have helped her out and that she should have to fend for herself but that is not how i am. She has always been there for me when i need her so i know i need to do the same. But the night didn't end there, no that would have been to easy for the drama that is my life. I called a family member because, I really wanted to go out to eat, didn't really feel like cooking and all and she said that she was too tired to go anywhere except to bring me my dog and then go back home to sleep. Tired from what? Does she work on Mondays, ummm NO! I understand that she was hurting and believe me, i am the first one there for her when she is not feeling well. She not only is my sister but my best friend and I would do anything for her. I accepted the fact that she didn't want to go out to eat but then i asked her to bring me something on the way and she said " no that's out of the way". How the hell is that out of the way, my house is down the street. Whatever! So she dropped my dog off and just left. So I had my do but no food... So after finding the last can of Ravioli in the pantry, I decided to "numb out" with some happy pills and then all was right with the world again.
The point of this rant is that every time i let the wall down to help someone, i get fucked, so why bother. For those that remember me from the past, maybe i should go back to being a creul hartless bitch and say "fuck it" to everyone and everything. One problem, that's not me anymore and i don't know if i can retreat that far back into my past to dig up the old me. When i was younger, i really cared about what others thought about me but now...but now, not so much.
Should i say fuck it to the world and revert back into my shell or should i roll with the punches, so to speak...I'm really tired of getting hurt when i think i can trust others. It still hurts the same everytime....
Oh well!!
Stayed tuned, more ranting to come....
The point of this rant is that every time i let the wall down to help someone, i get fucked, so why bother. For those that remember me from the past, maybe i should go back to being a creul hartless bitch and say "fuck it" to everyone and everything. One problem, that's not me anymore and i don't know if i can retreat that far back into my past to dig up the old me. When i was younger, i really cared about what others thought about me but now...but now, not so much.
Should i say fuck it to the world and revert back into my shell or should i roll with the punches, so to speak...I'm really tired of getting hurt when i think i can trust others. It still hurts the same everytime....
Oh well!!
Stayed tuned, more ranting to come....