Incomplete and All Alone : Pt IV
Title: Incomplete and All Alone Pt IV
Author: Dissy
Summary: I enjoy my showers hot. So hot that the water temporarily taints my skin with a red glow
Disclaimer: Not real
Dedication: To anyone who could be bothered reading it.
Previous Parts: Pt I | Pt II | Pt III
-----------------------------
So here I am, perched on the couch with Harlow and Sparrow curled in to my side as we watch a Disney movie while Nicole has whisked you away for a date night. I think the movie is Monsters Inc. I’m not paying enough attention.
Scanning the room I can’t help but notice the various family portraits. You, Nicole and Harlow are in the first one. You have her cradled in your arms, a proud grin plastered on your face as you had officially become a father.
The next one I focus on is a photo from your wedding. Still can’t believe you had a damn elephant there. It was hilarious to watch the reactions of the guests though. The Maddens had done it again. In the photo your arms are wrapped securely around your knew wife’s waist, holding her close to your chest to show the world she is yours, and you are hers.
The next photo progresses like a mini time line to when Sparrow became an addition to your family. Harlow is looking down at him with such adoration as she had become a big sister. A sparkle in your eye due to the fact you produced a son, knowing you could spend countless days in the backyard teaching him how to play a beloved sport of yours, of ours; baseball.
Sighing, I stop myself from looking at anymore pictures and instead look at the children nestled against me. Sparrow has fallen asleep; his little arm sprawled over my stomach. Gently nudging Harlow I whisper to her that I am taking Sparrow to his room and she chooses to use the armrest as a pillow, eyes never leaving the screen.
Picking up the small boy, I hold him to me as I climb the stairs and use my foot to open his door. Pulling back the sheets I lay him down and proceed to tuck him in tightly, knowing he feels secure that way and doesn’t thrash about too much in his sleep.
Snug as a bug.
Closing his door half way so light still filters through; I trot downstairs and notice the credits of the film rolling. Harlow hasn’t moved and as I walk around the couch I realise she has dozed off. After switching everything off I repeat the same actions as I had done with Sparrow, this time making sure her favourite stuffed animal is tucked in with her for those moments she becomes lonely.
Lonely…something I didn’t feel while taking care of your children. Because as much as they remind me of what we can never have, I am somehow comforted by the love they have of me. That in some way they look up to me, not just you and Nicole.
Leaving the hall light on I proceed to my room…people find it odd that I have my own room in your house. But realistically I spend enough time here that there was no point in dragging a bag of my stuff every time I visited. So a room was dubbed as mine. Bonus, it has an ensuite.
Speaking of, I think a shower and sleep is in need. I rather not be awake when you stumble home with Nicole.
-----------
I enjoy my showers hot. So hot that the water temporarily taints my skin with a red glow. It’s soothing for me. Others say it’s close to being considered ‘self-harm’. Bullshit I say.
Water is hammering down on my shoulders and back, taking away any aches that accumulated during the day’s activities. Pushing Harlow on the swing, kicking a soccer ball with Sparrow, tossing the kids around as though they were light as feathers at the time but now I feel the price I had to pay for those actions. But it made them happy so it was worth it.
I wonder if it’s how you feel every day you spend with your children? What is it that you do to relax yourself? A glass of wine? A show on TV that you made a regular viewing habit out of? Or are you like me and enjoy a shower in silence because silence is the one aspect life lacks when children are awake?
Closing my eyes, I can picture you, water trickling over your chest as you delve your head under the running water. Almost like drowning out the stresses from the day and can almost hear how the sensation of muscles relaxing would make you moan quietly in appreciation. I want to hear you moan again, for me.
My stomach muscles have grown tense and I can feel excitement surge through me as I curl my fingers around my newly formed erection. Thanks to you I tell myself. Because of you. My left hand is against the tiles supporting myself as I slowly bring my hand to the tip, squeezing ever so gently, thumb rubbing against the sensitive skin of the head.
I don’t want to think about you this way. But something tells me I need this.
If all I have is my imagination, then I NEED this.
Gently tugging at myself I give in and allow my hand to slowly stroke from head to base, picking up speed as I start to imagine that it’s your hand wrapped around me, that it’s your fingertips that move to tease my balls as the pace of your hand quickens, occasionally tightening, speeds alternating from slow stroking to fast pumping.
Your lips on my neck softly sucking, your teeth sinking in to my skin as my hips thrust forward, becoming more erratic. Tossing my head back a loud moan is all but ripped from my chest.
I can’t handle the thoughts; it’s all too much to take in at once. I feel the heat rise to my cheeks, and not because of the scorching water, and soon enough I release my load, moaning your name quietly then whimpering at the overwhelming feeling of guilt that seeps in to my veins.
I don’t want to open my eyes but when I hear someone clearing their throat my head jerks towards the door, eyes wide open in shock.
“Just…just wanted to let you know we were home” you whisper, looking at the tiles beneath your feet.
As you turn to exit I see the pink tint of your cheeks.
And more importantly the tent pitched in your pants.
Holy fuck.
---------------
The remainder of my shower was almost robotic. Washed myself clean, turned shower off, dried off, boxers on, crawled in to bed, stared in shock (still) at the ceiling.
I’m unsure how much you heard, what you saw, and definitely have no idea what crossed your mind when you were standing in the doorway.
Have I made the situation worse? I curse my thoughts because honestly how could the situation become any worse.
When I came here tonight I had everything planned out. The children would fall asleep, I would have a quick shower and throw myself in to bed to be in a coma before you and Nicole returned.
Had I have known I would still be awake I would’ve made sure I brought earphones with me, because I can hear you going at it with Nicole down the hall. She may be your wife and the act of intimacy is a given amongst married couples but it still doesn’t stop a piece of my heart breaking off.
Now I am starting to feel incomplete and all alone.
Author: Dissy
Summary: I enjoy my showers hot. So hot that the water temporarily taints my skin with a red glow
Disclaimer: Not real
Dedication: To anyone who could be bothered reading it.
Previous Parts: Pt I | Pt II | Pt III
-----------------------------
So here I am, perched on the couch with Harlow and Sparrow curled in to my side as we watch a Disney movie while Nicole has whisked you away for a date night. I think the movie is Monsters Inc. I’m not paying enough attention.
Scanning the room I can’t help but notice the various family portraits. You, Nicole and Harlow are in the first one. You have her cradled in your arms, a proud grin plastered on your face as you had officially become a father.
The next one I focus on is a photo from your wedding. Still can’t believe you had a damn elephant there. It was hilarious to watch the reactions of the guests though. The Maddens had done it again. In the photo your arms are wrapped securely around your knew wife’s waist, holding her close to your chest to show the world she is yours, and you are hers.
The next photo progresses like a mini time line to when Sparrow became an addition to your family. Harlow is looking down at him with such adoration as she had become a big sister. A sparkle in your eye due to the fact you produced a son, knowing you could spend countless days in the backyard teaching him how to play a beloved sport of yours, of ours; baseball.
Sighing, I stop myself from looking at anymore pictures and instead look at the children nestled against me. Sparrow has fallen asleep; his little arm sprawled over my stomach. Gently nudging Harlow I whisper to her that I am taking Sparrow to his room and she chooses to use the armrest as a pillow, eyes never leaving the screen.
Picking up the small boy, I hold him to me as I climb the stairs and use my foot to open his door. Pulling back the sheets I lay him down and proceed to tuck him in tightly, knowing he feels secure that way and doesn’t thrash about too much in his sleep.
Snug as a bug.
Closing his door half way so light still filters through; I trot downstairs and notice the credits of the film rolling. Harlow hasn’t moved and as I walk around the couch I realise she has dozed off. After switching everything off I repeat the same actions as I had done with Sparrow, this time making sure her favourite stuffed animal is tucked in with her for those moments she becomes lonely.
Lonely…something I didn’t feel while taking care of your children. Because as much as they remind me of what we can never have, I am somehow comforted by the love they have of me. That in some way they look up to me, not just you and Nicole.
Leaving the hall light on I proceed to my room…people find it odd that I have my own room in your house. But realistically I spend enough time here that there was no point in dragging a bag of my stuff every time I visited. So a room was dubbed as mine. Bonus, it has an ensuite.
Speaking of, I think a shower and sleep is in need. I rather not be awake when you stumble home with Nicole.
-----------
I enjoy my showers hot. So hot that the water temporarily taints my skin with a red glow. It’s soothing for me. Others say it’s close to being considered ‘self-harm’. Bullshit I say.
Water is hammering down on my shoulders and back, taking away any aches that accumulated during the day’s activities. Pushing Harlow on the swing, kicking a soccer ball with Sparrow, tossing the kids around as though they were light as feathers at the time but now I feel the price I had to pay for those actions. But it made them happy so it was worth it.
I wonder if it’s how you feel every day you spend with your children? What is it that you do to relax yourself? A glass of wine? A show on TV that you made a regular viewing habit out of? Or are you like me and enjoy a shower in silence because silence is the one aspect life lacks when children are awake?
Closing my eyes, I can picture you, water trickling over your chest as you delve your head under the running water. Almost like drowning out the stresses from the day and can almost hear how the sensation of muscles relaxing would make you moan quietly in appreciation. I want to hear you moan again, for me.
My stomach muscles have grown tense and I can feel excitement surge through me as I curl my fingers around my newly formed erection. Thanks to you I tell myself. Because of you. My left hand is against the tiles supporting myself as I slowly bring my hand to the tip, squeezing ever so gently, thumb rubbing against the sensitive skin of the head.
I don’t want to think about you this way. But something tells me I need this.
If all I have is my imagination, then I NEED this.
Gently tugging at myself I give in and allow my hand to slowly stroke from head to base, picking up speed as I start to imagine that it’s your hand wrapped around me, that it’s your fingertips that move to tease my balls as the pace of your hand quickens, occasionally tightening, speeds alternating from slow stroking to fast pumping.
Your lips on my neck softly sucking, your teeth sinking in to my skin as my hips thrust forward, becoming more erratic. Tossing my head back a loud moan is all but ripped from my chest.
I can’t handle the thoughts; it’s all too much to take in at once. I feel the heat rise to my cheeks, and not because of the scorching water, and soon enough I release my load, moaning your name quietly then whimpering at the overwhelming feeling of guilt that seeps in to my veins.
I don’t want to open my eyes but when I hear someone clearing their throat my head jerks towards the door, eyes wide open in shock.
“Just…just wanted to let you know we were home” you whisper, looking at the tiles beneath your feet.
As you turn to exit I see the pink tint of your cheeks.
And more importantly the tent pitched in your pants.
Holy fuck.
---------------
The remainder of my shower was almost robotic. Washed myself clean, turned shower off, dried off, boxers on, crawled in to bed, stared in shock (still) at the ceiling.
I’m unsure how much you heard, what you saw, and definitely have no idea what crossed your mind when you were standing in the doorway.
Have I made the situation worse? I curse my thoughts because honestly how could the situation become any worse.
When I came here tonight I had everything planned out. The children would fall asleep, I would have a quick shower and throw myself in to bed to be in a coma before you and Nicole returned.
Had I have known I would still be awake I would’ve made sure I brought earphones with me, because I can hear you going at it with Nicole down the hall. She may be your wife and the act of intimacy is a given amongst married couples but it still doesn’t stop a piece of my heart breaking off.
Now I am starting to feel incomplete and all alone.