(no subject)
Title: Scene Change - Revelation
Rating: PG
Summary: A truce?
Dislcaimer: This didn't happen.
Note: Has been a whilllleeeeeeeee, hopefully you like it.
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 , (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1) , Stab Wound Healer - Part 2 , Trypanophobia, Reveal Your Secret, Party, The Worst Day Ever, Getting Over It
Joel's POV
Fuck.
I hate math.
No, not hate. Despise.
Honestly, will an asymptote ever be needed in my future life?
Answer: No.
But considering I need at least an 85 in this class, I must concentrate.
I have to.
But no, there he is, on my mind again.
Fucking Benji. Get out.
I don't understand why he's always stuck in my head all the time. It's unsettling and makes me pissed off.
Even if I wanted to fix things, its not gonna happen, because after my exam on Friday, i'm going out to Montreal for University.
McGill isn't gonna be lenient on me, especially since I'm in the medical program, they're most prestigious sector. And If I had Benji back, he would just distract me, being so far away. I'd be worried about him, and I'm not stopping his future, because I know he'd wanna come out with me to my Aunts', and would just get a dead end job to try and support himself when he finds out my Aunt won't let him stay.
She's very conservative, doesn't know I'm gay, and while she'd probably accept my life decision, having it thrust right in her face would make her uncomfortable. Not to mention another mouth to feed.
Who am I kidding, i'm just making excuses.
I've tried to go up to him, to get the courage to tell him what went down. But every time, I get cold feet, and there's nothing that can seem to motivate me. Chet, Erik, even André have offered to go tell him, but it's not their problem. Coming from them, it just seems half-assed.
And whenever I'm a chicken, I always question myself. If I really wanted him back, wouldn't I have gotten him by now? Wouldn't I have at least really tried.
I don't know. I just don't.
Screw this, I have to get back to algebra.
***********************************
André's POV (ooohhhh twist ;] )
He looks miserable.
He always looks miserable these days.
My poor hombre. What have I done to you?
Ever since that day, almost 3 weeks ago, I've loathed my existence. Joel's been my best friend since the first grade, and I defiled not only his relationship, but his trust.
I was just so fucking confused. I didn't know what I could do. I thought I loved him. I really and truly did, and I don't know how it came to be that I made him 'cheat' I guess, but it happened.
When I saw him with Benji, jealousy raged through me. I came to the conclusion that I had this secret desire for him, that could only have been uncovered when Joel revealed himself.
In truth, Benji's not a bad guy.
True, I really didn't think he was a good influence cause he hung with such a bad crowd, but he clearly did like Joel. I just, I dunno. Somewhere along the line between Joel coming out, seeing him be himself attracted me towards him, and Benji was like the barrier getting in the way. When I saw them in bed, it was just like - slap in the face.
I haven't come out yet, and just, it would be so perfect if we could share that cliché old-age story - best friends fall in love, live together forever.
But, who the hell am I to butt in?
Joel and I are friends, and I wouldn't give what we have up for the world.
And even though he's sitting there trying to study for Math, I know what he's really thinking about.
I promised him, maybe a bit out of guilt, that I'd do anything to help him get Benji back.
I haven't even been trying, and I promised.
I've made a huge mistake, but today I'm going to change it.
In fact, right now.
********************************
Benji's POV
I hate my life.
I really do.
Fucking Christ.
Why did my dad have to be such an asshole? Why did he insist on being a religious freak?
All I wanted was a home, a home free from fucking crack addicts, and off of the streets.
And Joel. Fucking Joel.
Why couldn't I just keep my fucking job at that renovators place. Maybe then, Joel and I would actually talk about what happened, and I'd have some money in my pocket, rather than helping Stila out, who isn't exactly bursting with finances.
I feel bad every time I sleep at her house, and every time I take something from her fridge, so I don't anymore.
I haven't eaten in 2 days, but she doesn't know that. I'm not taking her food, it's bad enough I had to take her sympathy.
I can't sleep anymore, I'm depressed.
I have nothing to fucking live for.
I promised myself I would never be that kid anymore, but I am just another dirty, homeless lowlife.
Again.
I can barely make it to school everyday, and I don't know why I bother.
No, that's a lie.
I go to school in hopes that he will talk to me. To give me some explanation. I was so happy, then thrust out of it in a span of 2 weeks. And that's difficult to deal with.
I fucking came out for him, and this is how he repays me.
But who could blame him? Who would wanna be with someone unstable like me?
I don't even know, don't even know anything - what to think. What I could possibly say if I approached him. So I haven't.
I sit here in the music room every lunch, just strumming away. It seems music is the only thing I have left.
So that's where I am now, sitting here alone. Mr. Freeman only has 3 classes a day so he leaves by lunchtime.
Suddenly, I hear the door to the classroom opening. Mr. Freeman knows I come in here, but students aren't allowed in here without teacher supervision, so if it's someone else.... i'm fucked!
I whip around, and gasp, my anxiety turning to anger.
André.
I turn back around, gathering my things, and ignore him completely.
Why is he here? Does he want to rat me out, say I have to stay away from here as well?
“Benji,” at the soft, unscathed, murmur coming from his lips, I spin in surprise.
“I need to talk with you.” He notes my stunned face, and says hesitantly,
“About Joel”
“What...?”
“ He's miserable, hombre.” Hombre?
“So? He's got you. What do you want me to do about it?” I snap. I can't help it, I'm bitter.
I clutch my case once again, and start to walk away.
“NO, Benji!” He puts his arm out. “He hasn't got me.”
What!?
“I saw you! I saw you guys making out and - and” The image poisons my mind and I shake my head.
“Benji, please. Please listen to me.”
He goes to sit at the end of the performance stage, and beckons me over, with pleading eyes.
I roll my eyes, but he clearly it troubled, so out of my mind I join him.
“Go.”
“Look Benji. Everything that happened that day, is my fault. I take responsibility for that. I was jealous, of you, to be blunt.”
“You? Jealous of me?” I reply in shock.
“Yes. Because I'm gay, if you hadn't realized it by now. And I saw how happy he was when he met you after coming out after what? 2 weeks. I've loved Joel to death for as long as I can remember hombre, as a friend. And you butting in threatened me I guess, and I mistook it as romantic love, as you taking Joel away from me. That notion that it could be us, 2 best friends together forever made it all seem so easy. Because my family is hardline Catholic, but they know how great Joel is. I guess I almost wanted to use him. I'm such an idiot. And i'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
I let this sink in. It only sinks half-way though, the rest of the info still sitting on the surface.
“I don't - I don't know if I can believe that - all of it.”
“It's hard to take hombre, I know. What I did to you is beyond measure,and I heard what happened to you - with your dad and such,” I cringe at his mention. “And it was totally inconsiderate to make you leave in the morning that day.”
I take a second to look at him, he looks genuinely sorry, and almost like hes about to cry.
“So, so what are you trying to say? Did Joel put you up to this?” I ask.
“No!” he wails. “I'm trying to apologize for being such a dick! I know I treated you like shit, but I'm extremely protective, and the fact that you chilled with Silas hung in the air when I first met you properly. And i'm trying to say Joel really likes you, I know he still does, I've known him since we were little kids, and I understand how he works. I broke his trust, and I tore you guys apart. And i'm trying to make it right. Joel can't seem to understand that all he needs to do is talk with you, and do what I'm doing now, so I'm doing it for him” He finishes with a sigh, his speech finished.
I take a moment, a huge moment of revelation, and I do something I never thought i'd do.
I get up, stand in front of André, and hug him.
And not a stupid awkward hug, a real hug.
When I release him, he's half-smiling.
“André” I say, and grip his shoulders, “Just.....thanks.”
I breathe out, and sit back down again.
“And I totally understand your Catholic situation. The reason i'm out of my house is because my dad decided to be all fucking religious on me. Fucking shit.”
I feel a hand on my back.
“You got kicked out? Damn. That sucks, hombre. I hope your situation gets better. Really.”
I have new found respect for André. It takes balls to come and do this, especially when it's somebody so messed up like me.
“This just goes to show how bad a first impression can be, and how wrong most of them are,” I say.
He chuckles.
“I guess this means......a truce?” He asks.
“I think it does.” I reply with a small grin.
“Joel was pissssssssssed, by the way. About what I did. Just thought you should know....”
“Okay..?”
“I'm just telling you because he was upset. When I explained myself, he forgave me within the hour. He's extremely sensitive, and he thinks you didn't give him a chance to explain. Which is ridiculous, but he gets riled up quite easy. But, he is such a forgiving person though, and I just hope you are too. You have to go back, please.”
“You're giving me Joel advice?”
“It's just, okay it;s a little selfish. I want this talk to not mean squat. I'm tired of feeling guilty. But I want him to be happy again. Or at least, I want you two to be on good terms. He's going to Montreal soon, and I know you or he would regret it if you never talked about this.”
A stab from an imaginary knife hits me in the chest.
He's leaving?
He must see the distress on my face,
“Go, go talk to him. Right now. He's studying in the caf, but i'm pretty sure he'll be able to concentrate way better with you making amends.”
I take one last look at André, nod at him and smile, than quickly get out of this room.
It's time.
Relief rushes through me, at the prospect that we may be able to get back together.
But as I push open the double doors to the cafeteria, and see his unsettled face browsing through his textbook, the fear clenches my stomach.
But I have to. I have to do it.
I start to walk over, but when his eyes catch mine, I want to faint.
******************
Joel's POV
Why is he here.
Is he just passing by?
No, he's - is he actually?...coming towards me?
I put my face down and try to once again focus on my math work, but I feel his presence, and then he sits across from me.
Then something that shocks me happens.
My hands are being pulled away from the paper and pencil I held, and are firmly grasped in the hands I've missed for nearly a month.
I slowly look up, and there he is.
Those sparkling hazel eyes, and...and they're full of warmth. And those lips, smiling, the little labret ball glinting.
“Benji...” I breathe.
“Joel.” He says, sighing. “I ...”
But I push my finger to his lips.
He doesn't need to say a thing, it's easy to read his face.
“No Benji, I have to say this first. I'm sorry for what I did to you, a hundred times over. And I don't know if you're here to get answers or to, to -”
“Joel.” his tender whisper shuts me up.
“I know. André told me everything. And I forgive you. I forgive you.”
“You forgive me! Really? Wait - he did what!?” I say shocked.
“He came to me and explained what had really happened, and how guilty and ass-hole-ish he felt. And well, fuck. I'm so sick of my life, but i'm so sick of being angry. I want to smile again, to have something to smile about. And that something is you.”
“Me?...”
“Yep. So will you come back to me? Will you help me smile?”
A grin forms on my face, so huge that my cheeks hurt.
“I thought you'd never ask.”
And then Benji gets his smile. It's beautiful. He leans over the table and kisses me tenderly, and I hope at this moment everything will be alright.