(no subject)
Title: All In The Family- Chapter 1
Author: Me, myself, and I
Pairing: Benji/Joel
Rating: Eventually, NC-17
Summary: AU. They're cousins. Benji's 26. Joel's 16.
Disclaimer: Don't know em'... Don't own em'.
Notes: I started this story liiike five years ago and randomly got the motivation to rewrite it & finish it. Soo..
PREFACE
I wish I could say I was numb, but I can feel it in my chest. It feels heavy and reminds me that nothing is right. Nothing can be right without them here. It’s suffocating. I could go for a drink or two, maybe it would make the lump in my throat go away. Jade is standing on my right, Ace and Landon on my left. I smile down at Jade who is only staring at me- heartbroken, but not exactly sure why. A six year old shouldn’t have to worry about coping with something like this. Bullshit. This is all bullshit. They’re moving like robots, doing what we’re all programmed to do in situations such as this, without really giving a damn at all. Their mouths are moving, but I hear nothing. I stopped listening after the first few apologies. With every hug and squeeze of my hand, I want to scream. I can feel my chest tightening, my eyes are burning, and I can only see myself running. Upstairs wouldn’t be enough, I want out of this house. Full of people, yet still so empty. But I can’t. Ace, Landon, and Jade need me- they’re counting on me to be strong so I don’t move. I continue to endure the bullshit from family members I hardly know. It’s been years since I’ve seen these people, since they’ve stepped foot inside this house, and this is what finally brought them here. This is what it took, your apologies mean shit. Because after this day passes, you’ll fall back into your daily routines that don’t include us. And we’ll be left to deal with this, this fucking mess. Why did you leave us here? Please. Come back. What am I supposed to do, mum? Dad? I’m only sixteen, I wasn’t ready for this. Oh fuck, this can’t be happening. I look around me- people are crying, speaking in hushed voices, it’s raining outside, and there’s too much black; even for me. Jonah Harris, the only one I would except a hug from right now, is standing in the corner across the room. His eyes haven’t left us once, my own finally meet with his and he smiles at me with a nod. Just as I’m about to break, he’s telling me I’m okay. I don’t feel okay, Jonah.
No, nothing’s okay.
1ONE
One month. One month is how long it took for Jonah to find us a place to live, a new place to call home. Pathetic? Yah. With all the family members that showed at the funeral, all their empty promises to help with anything we needed, you would have figured this process to be a breeze. Not so much. Excuses, excuses, excuses, and we find ourselves here. Ace, Landon, Jade, and I on a two o’clock flight to Orange County, California. Three thousand miles away from New York- out with the old, in with the new. We would’ve been lost without Jonah and that’s not the first time I’ve found myself thinking exactly that. When our dad died, just months before our mum, Jonah really stepped up. Not just for my mum, but all of us. Getting all of us out of the house when mum was at her breaking points. That was always more times than not, but I would never resent her for that- she lost her best friend, the one that kept her going. Her sanity. My dad’s death is what took her. No, cancer took her, but after dad died, any fighting chance she had disappeared.
We would have continued to stay with Jonah, just as we had for the past month, but his two bedroom apartment wasn’t quite roomy enough. And he had no income to fix that anytime soon. Though if necessary, he would have made it work. Because that’s just the kind of person he is. Anyone could see why he meant so much to my parents, always looking to give, to help in any and every way he possibly can. Unlike so many others, he never expected anything in return. But he thought we would like staying with family better- he thought wrong, but I needed a change of scenery. I suppose that sounds a bit selfish on my part, seeing as it might not be what my siblings want, but they didn’t put up a fight. And I’m supposed to make the decisions now, right? It all falls back on me to make sure they’re okay and taken care of. To make only the right decisions. Apparently I felt that Benjamin Combs was the first right decision. Our twenty-six year old cousin residing in sunny California, whom we’ve never met. That I know of anyways. But he had no hesitation in taking us in so he’s okay in my book. Officially the only family member we have that is worth a fucking damn. Until maybe he murders us in the middle of the night. Like Amityville Horror, with a gun and he’ll just blame the entrance to hell in his basement. Or he could use us as his own form of sexual entertainment until that gets boring so he murders and skins us to make a nice lampshade. I don’t know.
I hate planes. And I envy my younger siblings for having the ability to sleep through this. The minute we were in the air, they were out. About thirty minutes until we land and they’re still gone. I’ll take whatever they had. There goes that urge for a drink or two again. Or just a nice big sleeping pill, something to knock me out for days because I haven’t slept for shit in what feels like forever. One month and still, nothing’s okay. I’m living in some alternate universe and every morning I wake up, nothing feels right. And I’m so over the dreams that they’re still here because it hurts too damn bad and the longing to see them again becomes too overwhelming. I wanted to find comfort in my friends, but it meant nothing and I didn’t think twice about leaving them behind. That doesn’t even sound like me, I swear. I’m not that coldhearted, but when I lost my parents, it was like I lost anything and everything that made any type of sense. I lost the ones that brought me here, my voices of reason. My structure, stability, and everything I knew and loved the most. The only ones who had the answers when I didn’t. Now it’s gone, it’s all fucking gone. And I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing.
Fucking planes. Four hours of listening to myself think, listening to my own pity party. You’re all fucking invited, it’s bound to continue. It’s never going to stop. But we’re landing, I wait until we’re on the ground and everyone is leaving their seats before I wake Jade, Ace, and Landon. No carryon bags, just us and Jade’s favorite stuffed animal. Nemo, actually. Yes, the fish from Finding Nemo- gimp fin and all. He’s cute. Personally though, I’m a fan of Squirt. We make our way to baggage claim, where we’re supposed to be meeting this helpful cousin of ours. There isn’t too many people around so it should be easy enough. I’m not sure what he looks like, but there’s supposed to be a sign. Hah, how cliché. So after I get our luggage together, I start looking around, my eyes moving from each family and loved one happily greeting each other. I wish we were on one of those kind of terms. I come to a stop when I see it- ’Maddens’. Messy blonde hair, killer blue eyes, a pair of khaki shorts, black wife beater, covered in tattoos. Benjamin?
“Are you..” He approaches us, trailing off as he glances down at his hand where it appears our names are scribbled down. Nice. I smirk. “..Joel?”
“Um, yah. This is Ace, Landon, and Jade.” I gesture to each of them and they offer him shy smiles. “And you must be Benjamin.”
“Oh. No. My fuck up. I’m Tony Lovato, the bo- err, friend.. Benjamin’s friend. Benj wanted to make sure everything was ready for when you guys got here so I was sent to fetch you.” He bows slightly. A comedian, cute. So this is Benjamin’s boyfriend. Already we seem to have something in common. I just smile at him. And apparently he has good taste because Tony is damn fucking sexy. Yah. We stand there for a moment, silent, and then Tony raises his eyebrows with a shrug toward the doors leading out of the airport.
“Shall we?” He grabs some of the luggage while Ace, Landon, and I take care of what’s left. Jade just hugs onto Nemo tightly and follows along, out of the airport and into the sunshine. I make sure to get a nice look at Tony’s ass on the way. Oh yah, damn fucking sexy.
The car ride was awkward enough. Tony was uncomfortable and had no idea what to say. After a few feeble attempts at small talk, he finally gave up. Which was fine with me. I didn’t want to talk. I spent the car ride envisioning the argument that I know went down between Benjamin and Tony before it was finally decided that Tony would be picking us up. That kept me amused until we pulled into the driveway of what we will now call home. Hello home, nice to meet you. There’s a black jeep wrangler parked in the driveway, orgasm much? Jeep wranglers are kind of my thing. And the house is nice, nothing like what I expected. I’m not sure I even expected a house, an apartment maybe. Wonder what he does to own such a nice house and car in California. I’ve heard everything is expensive as shit. Not that New York is any better. A pack of cigarettes is fucking ridiculous.
Tony is eagerly looking around for Benjamin as we step inside the house, obviously looking for an escape. Almost as if he forgot we were even there, he sighs and glances back at us.
“Oh, um. Upstairs. There’s three bedrooms. Benj sleeps downstairs in the basement, so I guess just take your pick. I’m just gonna go..” He’s mumbling as he starts walking away, again looking preoccupied and I’m assuming he’s off to find his boyfriend. Great host. I sigh- Ace, Landon, and Jade are all staring at me. I shrug.
“You guys better get upstairs and pick a room or Ima just take over all three and you can sleep outside.” I smile at them and they start racing up the stairs, giggling, and leaving all their bags behind. I shake my head a bit with a small smile, picking up what I can of their bags and my own. I start heading up the stairs, stopping to admire the Gibson, the fucking Gibson, hanging on the wall.
“What the fuck…” I mumble softly to myself, dropping the bags in my right hand to lightly run my fingers down the neck of the guitar. “Fucking Gibson..” He’s got to be fucking rich, or something, I don’t know. Guitars are also kind of my thing. I pick the bags back up, dragging myself away from the guitar. It apparently didn’t take them long to decide on rooms. Ace and Landon in one of course, Jade in the other. I tossed their bags in each room before wondering off to find my own, very nicely put at the end of the hall. As I enter I jump slightly at the unexpected visitor standing in what I’ve claimed as my room, with his back to me.
“Oh..” He turns around, his eyes meeting mine. “..I’m sorry.. I, uh, he told us.. um, who..” I trailed off, giving up. I’m getting tongue tied because I honestly want to know how I will ever be expected to keep my dick in my pants with all these amazing looking dudes around. Because I thought this Tony character was nice looking, but holy fucking shit did I speak too soon because this fucker is mouthwatering. His beautiful brown eyes look me up and down before they meet my own again, he wets his lips.
“Hey.. Joel?”
“Yah.. yes. Joel. I’m Benjamin’s cousin, one of Benjamin’s cousins. We’re staying here because well, um.. I mean. Tony told us to pick a room. I didn’t realize this one was taken, I’m sorry. I’ll just..” I stop. Needed to stop because I think I’m making myself sound like a damn moron every time I open my mouth. And I’m going to keep acting like he isn’t my cousin because that’s so not fucking fair. He laughs. No, no, don’t do that.
“I’m Benjamin. Not necessary though, just Benji is fine. Or Benj. It’s great to meet you cousin, or well.. grown up you, I should say. And this room is all yours. I was just looking for.. or well, doesn’t even matter.” He smiles. And it’s fucking gorgeous and his lips are perfect. He has a labret piercing, a small silver spike and oh damn. His hair is black and spiky, but messy with a few strands hanging in front of his eyes. His sexy brown eyes are emphasized with a thin line of black eyeliner under each one, smeared just a bit. And tattoos are the thing around here because he has a full sleeve and his other arm is just about there. I swallow hard.
“So you’re Benji.. my..” My voice sounds so weak and I don’t even want to say it. A look of almost disappointment laces his features.
“Your cousin.” He finishes for me. And I just nod because I have nothing to say to that. Absolutely fucking nothing except can we just fuck anyways? What the fuck. No. Sorry. He’s my cousin, that’s sick and he’s hot. Shut the fuck up, Joel. These thoughts stop now, though I’m pretty sure my dick is disagreeing. And we’re just staring at each other.
“Benj..?” Tony. My eyes drop, looking down at my shoes.
“Yah, baby.. in here.” Benjamin, or Benji calls out after clearing his throat and Tony is standing in the doorway seconds later.
“Hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What’re you doing in here?”
“Nothing, nothing. We’ll leave you to unpack, Joel. It’s Jade, Ace, and Landon, right? I wanna introduce myself before I go downstairs.” I look up at him and smile with a nod.
“Yah, that’s right.”
“Right on. Well don’t hide up here too long, I’m making dinner. I’m sure you guys gotta be hungry and Ima mad fucking cook.” He flashes another smile my way before walking out with Tony. Fucking sinful, man. I sigh, looking around the room. Nothing special, bigger than the other two, but with the same beige walls. Obviously for us to do what we please with them, or so I assume. Looking to avoid running into Benji again for the time being, I quickly make my way downstairs to grab the rest of our bags- again dropping off Ace, Landon, and Jade’s and taking my own back to my four walls. I left the guitar alone this time. Think he would notice if it disappeared? Hah.
I’m about halfway through unpacking when Jade makes her way into my room, hopping onto the bed.
“Your bed is better than mine, Moley.” I grin at her.
“Well you can sleep in it anytime you want.” She smiles sheepishly.
“With you? Tonight?” I laugh softly, taking a seat next to her on the bed and wrap my arm around her shoulders.
“Of course and of course.” I kiss the top of her head. “Did you finish unpacking?” She nods and I know I’ll have to check up on that later and make sure to fold all her clothes. “Does Nemo like his new room?” She rolls her eyes and speaks with a know-it-all attitude that only a six year old could pull off so well.
“He isn’t real, Moley.”
“Who says? And don’t let him hear you say that, his pride is already shot with that fin of his.”
“He doesn’t like it and I don’t either. I wanna go home.” That hurts worse than my own pain. I pull her close.
“You gotta give it a chance, baby. It’ll get better, I promise. No no, I pinky promise.” I stick out my pinky and she just stares at it for a moment before wrapping her own around mine and we shake. “Now lets go get your brothers and go downstairs. You hungry?” She nods as we head out of the bedroom, grabbing Ace and Landon on our way downstairs. We follow the sound of Benji’s voice. It’s rough and so sexy and I feel my knees get weak. Ah, dammit.