I feel whats she done to me and its scares the shit out of me
Here I sit after filling out Karen's Mothers Day card (20 bucks an Happy Mothers Day inside the card)and the only thing I want to do is rip it to pieces or write the truth on the card and watch her face as she reads it.Of course I won't no I'll play the game for the sake of my sanity but that not what brings me here or the fact I have to give karen a card and I can't give my mom one an the rage that it fills me with.No what brings me here is what Karen created inside me the angry,manipulative ,untrusting,zero coincidence person.What scares me is how much I see it now or maybe its just coming out more especially with my girlfriend.It makes me realize that no matter how far I get from her she already won I'm like her or at least parts of me are.I cant win I'm fighting myself I mean I try and I think for the most part I'm able to hold those parts at bay but I slip an I hurt people.Not as bad as her but I have to catch myself to make sure I dont say the really bad stuff .I JUST FUCKING HATE THAT I CAN NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN IF I WANT AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO HER INFLUENCE WILL STILL BE THERE.The worst is I see how easy it would be to become deattach like her.I don't think I will the me,dad,sis,friends etc... parts of me are stronger not saying all the things I learned from them are good just better then Karen's traits.I know my answer try my best to stop an dont be like her which as worked.Just with my girlfriend after time passes you start to trust each other and I have a problem with that. Its been burn into not too its always screws you over.I want to say I trust someone but I don't.How are suppose trust someone when even before you where 6 people where coming at you for existing.Yeah I know there not those people but some things can't be unlearned . I try and I guess that a start it just sucks and I hate this fucking charade.