Today
Today would have been my Ma's 84th birthday.
Until a few years ago we were very, very close, but we seemed to lose that bond after Dave died and we never regained it. Mum got older and more picky and snarky. I got older and less tolerant of her "foibles" and fear of modern technology (as in "Oh, I can't possibly use the CD player on my machine, because I might break it switching over from the cassette".)
When she came to stay a couple of months after Dave died, and I was still bursting into tears at odd moments, she would just watch me. No hug, no hand on my hand, no tissues proffered, Just watch. I fell out of love with my Mum after that. She who should have "been there" for me (it's in the contract!) was just an observer.
We still went on trips out, we still had fits of giggles over silly stuff and fan-girly squee over the latest Harry Potter, but something important was lost and never regained.
I miss the closeness, but I am almost destroyed by the fact that i don't entirely feel that I miss my Mum. Today has been hard.
This will probably get cross-posted to Facebook, so aplolologies to any poor soul who sees it twice.
Until a few years ago we were very, very close, but we seemed to lose that bond after Dave died and we never regained it. Mum got older and more picky and snarky. I got older and less tolerant of her "foibles" and fear of modern technology (as in "Oh, I can't possibly use the CD player on my machine, because I might break it switching over from the cassette".)
When she came to stay a couple of months after Dave died, and I was still bursting into tears at odd moments, she would just watch me. No hug, no hand on my hand, no tissues proffered, Just watch. I fell out of love with my Mum after that. She who should have "been there" for me (it's in the contract!) was just an observer.
We still went on trips out, we still had fits of giggles over silly stuff and fan-girly squee over the latest Harry Potter, but something important was lost and never regained.
I miss the closeness, but I am almost destroyed by the fact that i don't entirely feel that I miss my Mum. Today has been hard.
This will probably get cross-posted to Facebook, so aplolologies to any poor soul who sees it twice.