my room
I enter my room and close the door.
Influenced by the exterior factors of possibility and chance, I created this room.
I turn on the white light, affix a red lampshade, and manipulate its' energy on the green walls.
This is my time.
My time to undress, think, dwell on shortcomings, masturbate, read, make livejournal posts, consider my past and future, sleep, dream, create.
I spent most of the evening hitting on the new hostess at work; I needed something to scrape my ego from the floor, and giving a pretty girl a nice time did so temporarily in the self-seeking egotistical way necessary.
I know I can offer a lot, as one's potential is largely limited solely by his efforts. Yet when external forces limit, it can really make one feel inferior.
I'm not nothing, but I'm also not everything.
For whatever reason I interpret this as mediocrity, and this upsets my unavoidably greedy, control orientated, nature which demands perfection despite its paradoxical nature.
I forgot to brush my teeth.
Nothing can ever be expressed.
Controlling context would be nice, but what I really want right now I can't have.
I don't think I'll ever have it, and realising this beyond an individual instance is what really bothers me.
I hate going to bed hungry, yet it happens so often.
***
I awoke this morning ahead of my desired 8hour sleeping cycle. Though my body needs the sleep, I fundamentally didn't want to and consequently couldn't.
When I consider how many knobs are on my desk, it's demeaning how much I use the computer.
Influenced by the exterior factors of possibility and chance, I created this room.
I turn on the white light, affix a red lampshade, and manipulate its' energy on the green walls.
This is my time.
My time to undress, think, dwell on shortcomings, masturbate, read, make livejournal posts, consider my past and future, sleep, dream, create.
I spent most of the evening hitting on the new hostess at work; I needed something to scrape my ego from the floor, and giving a pretty girl a nice time did so temporarily in the self-seeking egotistical way necessary.
I know I can offer a lot, as one's potential is largely limited solely by his efforts. Yet when external forces limit, it can really make one feel inferior.
I'm not nothing, but I'm also not everything.
For whatever reason I interpret this as mediocrity, and this upsets my unavoidably greedy, control orientated, nature which demands perfection despite its paradoxical nature.
I forgot to brush my teeth.
Nothing can ever be expressed.
Controlling context would be nice, but what I really want right now I can't have.
I don't think I'll ever have it, and realising this beyond an individual instance is what really bothers me.
I hate going to bed hungry, yet it happens so often.
***
I awoke this morning ahead of my desired 8hour sleeping cycle. Though my body needs the sleep, I fundamentally didn't want to and consequently couldn't.
When I consider how many knobs are on my desk, it's demeaning how much I use the computer.