Gayle-isms
"I was born into the most remarkable and eccentric family I could possibly have hoped for."
- Maureen O'Hara
I had an unexpected visit with my mom today. It was nice. She called me after a meeting she had in BR and wanted to meet up, so we just went to have lunch at La Madeleine's. But she was cracking me up because of her irrational inability to follow directions.
She called me not quite sure how to get where she wanted to be and no ability to explain to me where she was. But she had her all-powerful GPS that she can't leave the house to go to the supermarket without (that's stretching the truth a little, but she does insist on setting it even if the person in the car driving knows exactly where they are going). So because, for some reason, she couldn't figure out how to work the mapping on the GPS without setting an address, she punched in my address and decided to follow that until I could tell her where she was.
Finally she said, "I'm on Essen, and I have to turn left... somewhere way down the road." I told her I knew where she was and that she needed to take a left on Perkins Road and then a left on Bluebonnet. I told her Perkins Rowe would be on the corner of Perkins and Bluebonnet and she couldn't miss it. "How far once I turn onto.. which street?" Bluebonnet. It will be right on the corner. You can't miss it. Once you turn left, immediately get in the right. You will see it. "Ok"
Then she proceeds to call my sister because everything was a little too clear at that point. She calls me back a minute later. My sister has confused her because she couldn't tell her where she was, and now my sister is giving her the exact opposite directions. My mom says, "Ok, I see an Orvis restaurant (it's not a restaurant) and a Zoe's.. and... a Barnes & Noble (because when you're trying to give someone your location you want to use the most obsure landmarks before the most obvious ones)." I said Mom, why didn't you just say you were at the Starbucks between the CVS and Barnes & Noble? "Because there are CVS' and Barnes & Nobles everywhere" But not on the corner of Perkins and Bluebonnet. I said, You've made it. I'm on my way. Be there soon. Don't move.
This whole scenario is pretty much a ritual everytime she leaves St. Tammany Parish. Call me. Call my sister. Call my dad. Fiddle with the GPS. Get flustered. Get lost. She's a little more comfortable in New Orleans, but on the whole, her panic can be a bit overwhelming and amusing.