(no subject)
today was yet another bad bad day.
ever since i have started tracking the unusual amount of bad luck that follows me around,
weird things have started happening to me.
so i figured ill write them all down and either get them all off my shoulders
or have mirrors crack when i look in them and have black cats start falling from the sky.
1) get picked out of a stadium of cheaters as the one who cheats. when i was the only one without a cheat sheet in the entire room.
2) the devil himself stole my first digital camera (whilst others find two on the side of the road)
3) lost four cell phones in one year
4) loss of wallet (stolen)
5) loss of social security card (someone else can gladly take over my life because apparently im not doing so well)
6) loss of family respect
7) just today i typed a three paragraph (lengthy) essay, lauren sent me a link, i clicked, and all my work got erased.
8) one time at club hell, i handed emily $40 i owed her, and it slipped out of the envelope i craftily made it to go in
9) $250 overcharge fees from my debit card (once i got charged $31.00 for a bag of candy because i had no money on my card)
10) on the day of the huge blizzard, lauren, emily, and i decided to go shopping at downtown crossing. a huge suv drove on by at 65 mph right through the intersection we were standing at.. coincidentally right next to a massive puddle. the suv managed to drench me head to toe in sewer water while emily and lauren escaped bone dry after they hid behind me.
11) due to our first time trying illegal drugs, lauren and i were rushed to the emergency room. one summer later i get 14 bills in my mailbox each going up in prices that i owe the emergency staff. $625.83 was the total cost. while lauren received one bill and one bill only: a smiley face greeting card saying that she owed the hospital nothing.
12) first time caught drinking on campus - i, the sober one, have to walk down the the ra to empty out our alcohol. i say im sorry 5,500 times, cooperatewith everything she says, and she then writes the report saying i was uncooperative and that i left a trail of mikes hard lemonade down our whole hallway.
13) two nights ago when erin cashman paid for me to get into the middle east, then a tiny asian woman singles me out, starts banging her head against a box of fortune cookies and told me that i need ot pay another $3 because it was her new year and that she needed to pay her landlord with the money.
14) one time, during a class project out of class, me and my group were joking around. ha ha funny. and this one boy suddenly starts talking about his mother being on welfare. i joke back saying that yeahh i had a tough childhood, something about food stamps, yeah. and apparently he was serious. i tried to quickly change the subject.
15) [ ok seriously my chair just fell apart. the arm just broke and i almost fell onto the floor]
16) i forgot my form of id once at the middle east, three times at club hell, and once at paper
17) the single most embarassing moment of my life - my education presentation when i couldnt get words out in front of my whole class
18) jordans summer party - i walked into a bedroom, put my bag gracefully atop an antique bed, and the two posts fell to each wall and the bed collapsed. the whole corie family wants me dead.
19) when i was five years old, my grandfather gave me his precious magnifying glass to look for bugs outside. as soon as i spotted my first bug, it fell apart in my hands. i threwit back in its case and back in the drawer so he never would find out. and everytime we would visit him i got sick to my stomach.
20) on the night my bag gets stolen out of coatcheck, emilys coat i was wearing happens to be taken on accident by a papergoer.
21) once at a sports banquet, i wasnt listening and talking to everyone at my table. the speakerman gave this big speech about my old babysitter, kelly petty losing her dad but still being a team playey. he called out her name, and i proudly walked up and accepted the award. but everyone burst out laughing and i slowly pivot turned and sat back down at my table. my mom was so proud.
[use your imagination for the rest. im sure each and everyone of you can recall a handful of events]
my family has learned to accept my calls back home saying that i got into a street fight or had something else very valuable stolen. but my reassuring mom tells me things could be a lot worse.
i should really invest in a saint anothony pendant or start knocking on wood more often.
ohh life. this is my life.