and then it hit me...
If I'm nice to people, my journal is my bitching area
It's all dawning on me...and what dawns on me the most is that I just don't care anymore. If G is happy, then I'm happy for them.
This season is making me bitter this year. I won't be in Hamilton with all the fun people that were invited, don't get me wrong...I was invited...not a situation i would put myself in. If new years eve is a fun time for party and friends, then my presence I'm pretty sure would make it more than a little awkward...especially with the "new man" who was in the whole picture within a couple days.
what the fuck ever...I'm one of the nicest people I know...so why do I always end up hurt? I'll bend over backwards if I care about you. I'll drop what I'm doing simply because you want me to be there...I'm not talking just specifics. I'm talking in general. I'll treat you better than anyone, and most often better than you deserve, but then again I'm comfortable in my belief that if you're with someone you SHOULD treat them well. They deserve any attention and affection you can give them.
So here's my question: WHY am I continually getting shit on? WHY! If you know how well I'm going to treat you, and what a sweetheart I am, WHY hurt me? I guess it's a fun game for people.
Wow, I'm actually going off an a rant...a rant I deserve to go off on....but everyone knows I wouldn't actually say this to someone's face. Why? Because I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings. Especially the feelings of someone I care about. The majority of those that know me are aware of this simple fact.
I'm so frustrated. You know how you'll have all these things to say to someone, but you can never say them to them? Even if they're nice things. After it's over you almost have this boycott of any emotional conversation, afterall...wouldn't want to say how you feel...that could be awkward *note the sarcasm*
The thing is that I still have things I want to say to Alex, I'm not sure of how I'd word it...but there are things I want to say. I still care about her a great deal, and obviously still have feelings, but those are fading daily, and thank fuck for that!! I'm sick of being on msn and opening up her box only to shut it moments after without messaging her. I'm also sick of when I do message her the conversation sucking. Maybe everything will go back to normal in january... I hope so. It has to...I can't see it being fucking stupid much longer.
Bottom line is I want her to be happy, even if it's with that ugly fuck (sorry, i HAVE to hate him right now...it's rule! which sucks because he's actually a really nice guy) she's dating...but whatever...if she's happy, then I'll be happy. Kyle, well done my man. You have apparently captured the heart of one of the most amazing girls at Brescia. Congratulations. (and yes that was all sincerity)
in other news:
Cara, I miss you.
The Reason, January 20th
Brescia Ball, January 21st
It's all dawning on me...and what dawns on me the most is that I just don't care anymore. If G is happy, then I'm happy for them.
This season is making me bitter this year. I won't be in Hamilton with all the fun people that were invited, don't get me wrong...I was invited...not a situation i would put myself in. If new years eve is a fun time for party and friends, then my presence I'm pretty sure would make it more than a little awkward...especially with the "new man" who was in the whole picture within a couple days.
what the fuck ever...I'm one of the nicest people I know...so why do I always end up hurt? I'll bend over backwards if I care about you. I'll drop what I'm doing simply because you want me to be there...I'm not talking just specifics. I'm talking in general. I'll treat you better than anyone, and most often better than you deserve, but then again I'm comfortable in my belief that if you're with someone you SHOULD treat them well. They deserve any attention and affection you can give them.
So here's my question: WHY am I continually getting shit on? WHY! If you know how well I'm going to treat you, and what a sweetheart I am, WHY hurt me? I guess it's a fun game for people.
Wow, I'm actually going off an a rant...a rant I deserve to go off on....but everyone knows I wouldn't actually say this to someone's face. Why? Because I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings. Especially the feelings of someone I care about. The majority of those that know me are aware of this simple fact.
I'm so frustrated. You know how you'll have all these things to say to someone, but you can never say them to them? Even if they're nice things. After it's over you almost have this boycott of any emotional conversation, afterall...wouldn't want to say how you feel...that could be awkward *note the sarcasm*
The thing is that I still have things I want to say to Alex, I'm not sure of how I'd word it...but there are things I want to say. I still care about her a great deal, and obviously still have feelings, but those are fading daily, and thank fuck for that!! I'm sick of being on msn and opening up her box only to shut it moments after without messaging her. I'm also sick of when I do message her the conversation sucking. Maybe everything will go back to normal in january... I hope so. It has to...I can't see it being fucking stupid much longer.
Bottom line is I want her to be happy, even if it's with that ugly fuck (sorry, i HAVE to hate him right now...it's rule! which sucks because he's actually a really nice guy) she's dating...but whatever...if she's happy, then I'll be happy. Kyle, well done my man. You have apparently captured the heart of one of the most amazing girls at Brescia. Congratulations. (and yes that was all sincerity)
in other news:
Cara, I miss you.
The Reason, January 20th
Brescia Ball, January 21st