(no subject)
Shutting my mouth and opening my heart.
...at least around my coworkers. I'm trying to listen to them more, trying to be a better friend instead of just some sort of entertainment tool for them. I received some "I miss you" and "wish you were here" messages from them while I was gone. Thank you guys.
As a whole, though, I need to open my mouth AND my heart, at the same time. Sounds so lame, but no one will love you if you don't love back. I'm talking "dudes", friends, family, etc. Sometimes I wonder if people realize how much of a sham I am, putting on the show. enough. I am tired of being anxious in crowds and assuming that no one wants to talk to me. I met tons of people in Chicago, many of them telling me that I'm perfectly nice and funny and adorable just the way I am. I made a buddy in Chicago, and I was telling him about my anxiety and he told me that its all in my head and I have to deal with it, and that I did perfectly fine socialising around his friends. I need to keep this spirit up. My confidence has improves somewhat.
I saw Courtney today, and I am ready to touch base with KT when she gets back from folk fest. There was a few weeks there where I just couldn't bear to be around my non-work friends.
As for work, I don't wanna talk about it. I had nightmares all night about the new Kitchen manager. Apparently he is a prick. We will see. I feel unnecessary at work, like this foul mouthed useless oaf that they pay too much, but I can't quit or move on until I know about school, as it will be difficult to find a GOOD part time job if I start school full time in Sept.
that is my update! I don't want to talk about Chicago right now. If you've read me long enough, you know that I always say I'm going to talk about my trips but I don't. Who knows. I had a great time and I hope to go back again. Their record stores are amazing.
...at least around my coworkers. I'm trying to listen to them more, trying to be a better friend instead of just some sort of entertainment tool for them. I received some "I miss you" and "wish you were here" messages from them while I was gone. Thank you guys.
As a whole, though, I need to open my mouth AND my heart, at the same time. Sounds so lame, but no one will love you if you don't love back. I'm talking "dudes", friends, family, etc. Sometimes I wonder if people realize how much of a sham I am, putting on the show. enough. I am tired of being anxious in crowds and assuming that no one wants to talk to me. I met tons of people in Chicago, many of them telling me that I'm perfectly nice and funny and adorable just the way I am. I made a buddy in Chicago, and I was telling him about my anxiety and he told me that its all in my head and I have to deal with it, and that I did perfectly fine socialising around his friends. I need to keep this spirit up. My confidence has improves somewhat.
I saw Courtney today, and I am ready to touch base with KT when she gets back from folk fest. There was a few weeks there where I just couldn't bear to be around my non-work friends.
As for work, I don't wanna talk about it. I had nightmares all night about the new Kitchen manager. Apparently he is a prick. We will see. I feel unnecessary at work, like this foul mouthed useless oaf that they pay too much, but I can't quit or move on until I know about school, as it will be difficult to find a GOOD part time job if I start school full time in Sept.
that is my update! I don't want to talk about Chicago right now. If you've read me long enough, you know that I always say I'm going to talk about my trips but I don't. Who knows. I had a great time and I hope to go back again. Their record stores are amazing.