Dreams
I don't know if I can take much more of this. I can't sleep, I get sick when I eat, and I can't stop crying. (And it's not even just about this whole situation with Max. It was a wonderful catalyst though. Just wonderful. Perfect timing.) All I want is a hug, and I'm a million miles from anyone that could do that for me. It's been six weeks since I had any sort of physical connection to anyone. And I'm not speaking in a sexual sense, but I haven't been touched by or touched another human being since my Dad gave me a hug when I left Maryland. I hate this. I have no connections to anything anymore, and I feel like I'm slowly losing myself in this huge pit of lonliness.
"Marie, you just need to distract yourself and move on."
No. I don't want to distract myself from a problem, what good would that do? I want to talk about it and I want to fix it. I want to know what's going on. I want to know what I did wrong. (And don't tell me that I didn't do anything wrong because this can't possibly be one-sided.) I want to know why I'm not worth it.
More than anything, I just want to come home. I'm so lost here. But, ironically, there's nothing at home for me anymore. Other than a few friends, no one wants me there. My own family doesn't want me there. And no one here really wants me here, so where does that leave me? It leaves me in a giant blackhole. How nice.
"Marie, you just need to distract yourself and move on."
No. I don't want to distract myself from a problem, what good would that do? I want to talk about it and I want to fix it. I want to know what's going on. I want to know what I did wrong. (And don't tell me that I didn't do anything wrong because this can't possibly be one-sided.) I want to know why I'm not worth it.
More than anything, I just want to come home. I'm so lost here. But, ironically, there's nothing at home for me anymore. Other than a few friends, no one wants me there. My own family doesn't want me there. And no one here really wants me here, so where does that leave me? It leaves me in a giant blackhole. How nice.