What am I saying?
I swear I could look at his picture the whole day. Is this what so many people call obsession?? It's scary because somehow, I lose my will in doing real life things when I think about him. I can only think about him. I can only dream about him. It's like he's my ultimate goal in life. Goal. No no, I should change the word. Just that--I want him.
I perfectly understand that he is not someone I can just reach. He's like the sun--his beauty and brilliance is not just for me. When I see him, it doesn't mean I'm the only one who sees him. And he doesn't see me. For him, I would always be part of the group he might call as his 'admirers'. In general. Never specific. Because unlike him, I'm not born for everyone. Unlike him, I can only shine in a few areas of this big world. I may not shine at all. I can't do anything about it, and it is painful. I can only be with him in my dreams.
And yet I'm happy. I'm happy because he exists in this world. I'm happy because I found him. I'm happy because even though he doesn't know my existence, I know that somewhere in this wide world, he's doing something. He might be smiling, he might be crying, he might be studying. I don't know. Just that I'm happy because he exists.
And maybe this is only where I can get. Another unrequited love. In fact, it's almost completely an unrequited love. If there's hope, it would be near to zero. And yet I cling to it. And I might cling to it forever. Because that small ray of hope is the only thing that I can consider love right now. And in the future, if I'm no longer in love with him, I will still remember him. I will always know that he's one of the most beautiful things I found in this rather deteriorating world. And maybe I will never stop loving him. We can never really know until the end comes.
Another drama of mine, as all of us can see. I'm sorry. I just thought of it because I'm being pressured by my exam tomorrow. Wish me high grades, by the way. :)) Once again, I apologize for the drama.
I perfectly understand that he is not someone I can just reach. He's like the sun--his beauty and brilliance is not just for me. When I see him, it doesn't mean I'm the only one who sees him. And he doesn't see me. For him, I would always be part of the group he might call as his 'admirers'. In general. Never specific. Because unlike him, I'm not born for everyone. Unlike him, I can only shine in a few areas of this big world. I may not shine at all. I can't do anything about it, and it is painful. I can only be with him in my dreams.
And yet I'm happy. I'm happy because he exists in this world. I'm happy because I found him. I'm happy because even though he doesn't know my existence, I know that somewhere in this wide world, he's doing something. He might be smiling, he might be crying, he might be studying. I don't know. Just that I'm happy because he exists.
And maybe this is only where I can get. Another unrequited love. In fact, it's almost completely an unrequited love. If there's hope, it would be near to zero. And yet I cling to it. And I might cling to it forever. Because that small ray of hope is the only thing that I can consider love right now. And in the future, if I'm no longer in love with him, I will still remember him. I will always know that he's one of the most beautiful things I found in this rather deteriorating world. And maybe I will never stop loving him. We can never really know until the end comes.
Another drama of mine, as all of us can see. I'm sorry. I just thought of it because I'm being pressured by my exam tomorrow. Wish me high grades, by the way. :)) Once again, I apologize for the drama.