Je Suis un Puppy
I almost feel guilty for my Live Journal neglect. And by neglect, I mean "oh my God, I haven't written in my Live Journal for at least two, possibly three days! I am a stupid evil bitch!" So maybe I will just write a ridiculously long post, in list form, of course, instead of going outside and reading O Magazine. Or maybe I will do both. Because I am unemployed.
1. Topic 1: Shopping Slut
I think that everyone who reads this Live Journal (Roommate, Evan, Aldo, Malory, SDog, etc) is a shopping slut like me. I say that because I don't think I could be friends with someone who wasn't. On Saturday I drove, with my fellow award-winning shopping sluts Roommate and Sam, for three hours in the sunshine, so that we could shop at a mall that is bigger than the malls in Calgary but has essentially the same stores. Except Forever 21. My day involved all of my favorite things except for cocaine and self-mutilation: diet Coke, brocolli, cauliflower, tofu dogs, shitty music, driving, Roommate, Sam when she is in Shopping-Mode as opposed to Superiority-Complex mode, an appreciation of sunshine from a sun-free standpoint, malls, clothing, cropped pants reminiscent of 19th-century schoolboys and that could very easily morph into a "skirt-shirt non-wear situation", Booster Juice, Extreme Pita, magazines, looking sexy, getting ass. Props to me for spending $500 in less than three hours.
2. Topic 2: Relationships
I never thought that I would say this, but I have become romantically involved with another human being to the extent that I don't get a nervous stomach ache when I am sitting next to them, and I don't squeal when they call my cellphone. I think some people refer to such situations as "relationships"...I prefer to call my present circumstance a "domesticated love-a-thon"...aka DThon. I am officially initiating the word "DThon" to be used by commitment-phobes when describing relationships. As in "we aren't in a relationship, more of a DThon." Totally. I am in a DThon that involves watching Braveheart with my fellow Dthon-ator, then driving home (AH, "home", together, as a unit. Breathe. Breathe.), eating peanut butter sandwiches, and going to bed. And by "going to bed", I don't mean "having sex". I actually mean going to sleep and then waking up nine hours later with a cat named Jack asleep at my feet.
Thank GOD I am leaving in three weeks and don't have to think about the future, when my Dthon could transmutate into a relationship. Fuck, who wants one of those?
3. Topic 3: Movementationalism
This topic refers to two concepts. One, the concept of actually getting off my ass right now and doing something productive. Like taking the tomato slices I didn't eat and putting them in the garbage. Or maybe I should start off smaller, and just get up to pee. I'll think about it, and get back to you.
I would also like to point out that I am movementilizing myself to Kingston in a permanent manner on August 16th. And I don't know when I will be back in Calgary. If at all. That = fucking weird, man.
4. Topic 4: Cigarettes
I like them. They like me. My fellow Dthon-ator really likes them. Fuck.
Okay, I said earlier that I would get back to you about going pee. I've decided to do it. On the count of three. Three...two...one...(Katie Drummond lifts herself from her chair and walks towards the bathroom, towards her mission, towards bladder liberation. She is a total weirdo).
1. Topic 1: Shopping Slut
I think that everyone who reads this Live Journal (Roommate, Evan, Aldo, Malory, SDog, etc) is a shopping slut like me. I say that because I don't think I could be friends with someone who wasn't. On Saturday I drove, with my fellow award-winning shopping sluts Roommate and Sam, for three hours in the sunshine, so that we could shop at a mall that is bigger than the malls in Calgary but has essentially the same stores. Except Forever 21. My day involved all of my favorite things except for cocaine and self-mutilation: diet Coke, brocolli, cauliflower, tofu dogs, shitty music, driving, Roommate, Sam when she is in Shopping-Mode as opposed to Superiority-Complex mode, an appreciation of sunshine from a sun-free standpoint, malls, clothing, cropped pants reminiscent of 19th-century schoolboys and that could very easily morph into a "skirt-shirt non-wear situation", Booster Juice, Extreme Pita, magazines, looking sexy, getting ass. Props to me for spending $500 in less than three hours.
2. Topic 2: Relationships
I never thought that I would say this, but I have become romantically involved with another human being to the extent that I don't get a nervous stomach ache when I am sitting next to them, and I don't squeal when they call my cellphone. I think some people refer to such situations as "relationships"...I prefer to call my present circumstance a "domesticated love-a-thon"...aka DThon. I am officially initiating the word "DThon" to be used by commitment-phobes when describing relationships. As in "we aren't in a relationship, more of a DThon." Totally. I am in a DThon that involves watching Braveheart with my fellow Dthon-ator, then driving home (AH, "home", together, as a unit. Breathe. Breathe.), eating peanut butter sandwiches, and going to bed. And by "going to bed", I don't mean "having sex". I actually mean going to sleep and then waking up nine hours later with a cat named Jack asleep at my feet.
Thank GOD I am leaving in three weeks and don't have to think about the future, when my Dthon could transmutate into a relationship. Fuck, who wants one of those?
3. Topic 3: Movementationalism
This topic refers to two concepts. One, the concept of actually getting off my ass right now and doing something productive. Like taking the tomato slices I didn't eat and putting them in the garbage. Or maybe I should start off smaller, and just get up to pee. I'll think about it, and get back to you.
I would also like to point out that I am movementilizing myself to Kingston in a permanent manner on August 16th. And I don't know when I will be back in Calgary. If at all. That = fucking weird, man.
4. Topic 4: Cigarettes
I like them. They like me. My fellow Dthon-ator really likes them. Fuck.
Okay, I said earlier that I would get back to you about going pee. I've decided to do it. On the count of three. Three...two...one...(Katie Drummond lifts herself from her chair and walks towards the bathroom, towards her mission, towards bladder liberation. She is a total weirdo).