Stick a Fork in Me...
...I think I'm done.
I can't take all this drama surrounding faire. I'm not trying to be a huge drama queen, whining about me me me, asking for sympathy. I just need to vent. I see nothing but people working their asses off even harder than in years past, and just getting screwed more and more, almost by the minute. I'm sorry, but my backside is so raw from getting the sandpaper dildo from REC et al, I'm at my wit's end. And I feel trapped. I'm commited to this run, and I'm not one to back out of a commitment- especially when it will impact others that I care for. But I'm so afraid that this will just be bad for me. I have nothing to look forward to, as of today's announcement. It is easy enough to see my friends in other venues. But if I have nothing here but to sit and look pretty... that's not me. I'm not clever enough to be a great performer; I'm OK, but better as back-up. I have no money to go shopping. For that matter, I have no money to spend on $5 beer (and since they won't have anything I want to drink, meh.) The thought of getting arrested for drinking my own booze doesn't tempt me. I have so many eyes on me as a Head of Household- I don't know how to make us any more PC without completely losing the gig or losing my mind.
Fuck it.
Now, if I have to dress up, be politically correct, and not drink, I might as well be a character at work, but deny myself pay. It's unfair(e) that all these demands are being thrown upon us. I have gone through hell to get my weekends off. I have been through more than enough shit with work and injury this year. I don't need to add mental to the list. I don't believe in doing things half-assed... this isn't going to cut it.
Busting my ass at site. Killing myself at work. Attempting to make everyone's issues work together. Trying to get all the sewing done. Rewards? No camping; less time with my friends; no drinking. What's next? Please,take away my lunch, you big bully.
I'm just not happy. And I don't like being unhappy, so that makes things worse...
How do I fix this?
I don't think I can.