need digital crack

[mad_yeti]

shitty shitty internet. shooting mental projectiles of exploding firey death at Comcast, which would be real if only, ONLY I knew where I could be directing them. I HATE. I wish for a volcano to erupt under their headquarters so I would at least be saved from the endless piddling of weak signals, lost connections and pictures that take five, nay ten minutes to load. May they all be raped by porcupines and have their homes invaded by... by pigeons! Yes, enormous flocks of pidgeons that shit over everything and molt their filthy feathers while making that obnoxious cooing noise en masse.

*points a shaking, wrathful finger out the window* You've been warned, bitches!!

EeeeaAAArrrRRaggghhhassmonkeys!