What's shakin' bacon?
I pretty much abandoned this thing a while ago when I started up my own MySpace account, but try as I might to tear myself away from this thing, I can't account for the sheer amount of boredom that kicks me so brutally in the teeth and drags me back to doing those very things that I had once tossed aside like a crumpled piece of tin foil.
Since embarking on my little soul-searching venture through the veritable maze of twisting caverns and spiky pits of death and marshmallows that is the realm of the MySpace, one would think that I would have grown out of my tireless stream of dick and fart jokes that made the Mad Musician everything I knew and loved about him. But the people who think that are a bunch of faggoty hippiedicks. So it is with great pleasure on my behalf to present you with another one of them goddamn lists... this time, in loving memory to all the great scatological humor that has come before me.
Get ready to shoot the shit about the shit, compadres, because after two weeks of painful constapation, the MadMan just gave birth. Haven't taken the time to name any of them yet, because I want to take them home and play with them a little to see what their personalities are like. But in the meantime, I've been fishing my nose around the baby books and yanking out a few of my favorites.
1. Baby number one was the biggest (literal) pain in the ass. Being holed up for well over a week, he showed no signs of wanting to come out any time soon, but after a little chemical coaxing, he was more than ready to come out and spend some family time with Mommy MadMan. So after a half hour of false alarms and pee-a-boo poos, I had him out and swimming laps around the bowl. He'll definitely grow up to be a sports star, if not one very powerful-looking homosexual, so I've already pretty much narrowed it down to either Rocky or Fabio, pending on his sexuality.
2. Baby number two came out and I was immediately struck my the amazing resemblance he has to his father. I honestly thought I'd left an ear of corn up my ass. Possible names include Cornelius and Kernel Sanders. Either way, I can tell right off the bat that he will be the brains of the bunch.
3. Baby number three was born with a peanut lodged in its brain, so I pretty much just threw it in the dumpster behind the hospital. Handicapped kids are just too much of a burden for first-time parents like myself and the ear of corn. Besides, how would I ever exlpain the peanut without making myself look like a whore? The less he knows about the peanut child, the easier my life will be.
4. Baby number three was born with some complications. She came out green, and the ear of corn and I fear that she may be stricken with salmonella. We don't personally think she'll make it through the week, but stranger miracles have happened before. Her name should be something uplifting, like Hope or Destiny, or some other bullshit name that gives the impression that I value her crippled ass more than all my other healthier kids combined.
5. Another came out just at the end and I thought it was a stillborn, but upon further inspection I actually realized it was part of my intestine, so I shoved it back up and waved good-bye to all the others as they left for the nursery.
It was certainly an eventful day, and as soon as I get some batteries I'll post some pictures, so... oh, no. Oh, GOD!!! My doctor just told the ear of corn about the peanut baby and now he's threatenin to... NOOOO!!!!!!
That bastard! That yellow fucking bastard! He just jumped into the toilet and flushed himself in a suicidal rage, taking my precious babies with him! AAaaaaahhahhhahaaa!!!!! WHY?!?!
>SNIFF!<
Farewell my darling children. When you look down on my from that golden bowl in the sky, just remember that Mommy MadMan loves you.
Mommy MadMan loves you all.
The Mad Musician
Since embarking on my little soul-searching venture through the veritable maze of twisting caverns and spiky pits of death and marshmallows that is the realm of the MySpace, one would think that I would have grown out of my tireless stream of dick and fart jokes that made the Mad Musician everything I knew and loved about him. But the people who think that are a bunch of faggoty hippiedicks. So it is with great pleasure on my behalf to present you with another one of them goddamn lists... this time, in loving memory to all the great scatological humor that has come before me.
Get ready to shoot the shit about the shit, compadres, because after two weeks of painful constapation, the MadMan just gave birth. Haven't taken the time to name any of them yet, because I want to take them home and play with them a little to see what their personalities are like. But in the meantime, I've been fishing my nose around the baby books and yanking out a few of my favorites.
1. Baby number one was the biggest (literal) pain in the ass. Being holed up for well over a week, he showed no signs of wanting to come out any time soon, but after a little chemical coaxing, he was more than ready to come out and spend some family time with Mommy MadMan. So after a half hour of false alarms and pee-a-boo poos, I had him out and swimming laps around the bowl. He'll definitely grow up to be a sports star, if not one very powerful-looking homosexual, so I've already pretty much narrowed it down to either Rocky or Fabio, pending on his sexuality.
2. Baby number two came out and I was immediately struck my the amazing resemblance he has to his father. I honestly thought I'd left an ear of corn up my ass. Possible names include Cornelius and Kernel Sanders. Either way, I can tell right off the bat that he will be the brains of the bunch.
3. Baby number three was born with a peanut lodged in its brain, so I pretty much just threw it in the dumpster behind the hospital. Handicapped kids are just too much of a burden for first-time parents like myself and the ear of corn. Besides, how would I ever exlpain the peanut without making myself look like a whore? The less he knows about the peanut child, the easier my life will be.
4. Baby number three was born with some complications. She came out green, and the ear of corn and I fear that she may be stricken with salmonella. We don't personally think she'll make it through the week, but stranger miracles have happened before. Her name should be something uplifting, like Hope or Destiny, or some other bullshit name that gives the impression that I value her crippled ass more than all my other healthier kids combined.
5. Another came out just at the end and I thought it was a stillborn, but upon further inspection I actually realized it was part of my intestine, so I shoved it back up and waved good-bye to all the others as they left for the nursery.
It was certainly an eventful day, and as soon as I get some batteries I'll post some pictures, so... oh, no. Oh, GOD!!! My doctor just told the ear of corn about the peanut baby and now he's threatenin to... NOOOO!!!!!!
That bastard! That yellow fucking bastard! He just jumped into the toilet and flushed himself in a suicidal rage, taking my precious babies with him! AAaaaaahhahhhahaaa!!!!! WHY?!?!
>SNIFF!<
Farewell my darling children. When you look down on my from that golden bowl in the sky, just remember that Mommy MadMan loves you.
Mommy MadMan loves you all.
The Mad Musician