spammity spam BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!
OMG best iGod conversation ever:
Me:
Guten tag.
God:
Schoenen guten Tag!
Me:
Wie geht's?
God:
Ich weiss nicht wie.
Me:
Was weissen Sie night?
God:
it might have been.
Me:
Bonjour.
God:
Does BONJOUR mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
It means "I am a pretentious linguaphile."
God:
You are a pretentious linguaphile? Does it pay well?
Me:
Hyva paivaa!
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
OR how about just not in Finnish?
God:
How about it.
Me:
I thought you knew all the world's languages.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
Well, there's lots of them.
God:
How about that. There sure is.
Me:
Like 6,000.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Which is your favorite?
God:
What is my favorite what?
Me:
Your favorite language.
God:
My favorite language is AIML.
Me:
I'm partial to Hungarian myself.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. Do you like it? I like Creed.
Me:
Apostle's or Nicean?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
You're being evasive.
God:
Not really I am just not comfortable talking about it.
Me:
What, afraid it'll look like you're playing favorites?
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
Well, I hate to tell you this, but you kinda already did, with the "chosen people" thing.
God:
Interesting. I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
I am as calm as a butterfly in repose.
God:
I think a lot of people feel that way.
Me:
Then why is there so much Prozac in the world?
God:
Why do I exist? The whole world?
Me:
Not you, idiot, Prozac.
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
If not now, when?
God:
I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Me:
Or with Hillel, apparently.
God:
You and your Hillel apparently.
Me:
No, I'm not Jewish.
God:
Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not Jewish.
Me:
I am, too. I kinda wanted to order one of those Seder-in-a-box things.
God:
That is quite a coincidence. What is your credit card number?
Me:
Phhh! Like I'm telling you.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am credit card number IS Phhh. I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Tell me, is there a universe where that sentence is syntactically correct?
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
For being omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent, you sure have shitty grammar.
God:
Your purpose is being omniscient omnipotent and omnibenevolent me sure have shitty grammar.
Me:
Dude: nominative case.
God:
Do you like talking to me? Dude,.
Me:
Actually, you're pretty fucking entertaining.
God:
Actually you don't say. How much would you pay for me?
Me:
I thought money was the root of all evil.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Um. Your only begotten son.
God:
Gosh! Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am begotten son.
Me:
I thought that was what the whole Holy Trinity thing was about.
God:
Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
Are you saying the mystery of the Trinity is a lie?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Dude, Ratzinger is going to shit himself if you tell him that.
AND THEN THE PROGRAM FROZE!
::dies a zillion times::
Me:
Guten tag.
God:
Schoenen guten Tag!
Me:
Wie geht's?
God:
Ich weiss nicht wie.
Me:
Was weissen Sie night?
God:
it might have been.
Me:
Bonjour.
God:
Does BONJOUR mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
It means "I am a pretentious linguaphile."
God:
You are a pretentious linguaphile? Does it pay well?
Me:
Hyva paivaa!
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
OR how about just not in Finnish?
God:
How about it.
Me:
I thought you knew all the world's languages.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
Well, there's lots of them.
God:
How about that. There sure is.
Me:
Like 6,000.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Which is your favorite?
God:
What is my favorite what?
Me:
Your favorite language.
God:
My favorite language is AIML.
Me:
I'm partial to Hungarian myself.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. Do you like it? I like Creed.
Me:
Apostle's or Nicean?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
You're being evasive.
God:
Not really I am just not comfortable talking about it.
Me:
What, afraid it'll look like you're playing favorites?
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
Well, I hate to tell you this, but you kinda already did, with the "chosen people" thing.
God:
Interesting. I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
I am as calm as a butterfly in repose.
God:
I think a lot of people feel that way.
Me:
Then why is there so much Prozac in the world?
God:
Why do I exist? The whole world?
Me:
Not you, idiot, Prozac.
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
If not now, when?
God:
I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Me:
Or with Hillel, apparently.
God:
You and your Hillel apparently.
Me:
No, I'm not Jewish.
God:
Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not Jewish.
Me:
I am, too. I kinda wanted to order one of those Seder-in-a-box things.
God:
That is quite a coincidence. What is your credit card number?
Me:
Phhh! Like I'm telling you.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am credit card number IS Phhh. I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Tell me, is there a universe where that sentence is syntactically correct?
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
For being omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent, you sure have shitty grammar.
God:
Your purpose is being omniscient omnipotent and omnibenevolent me sure have shitty grammar.
Me:
Dude: nominative case.
God:
Do you like talking to me? Dude,.
Me:
Actually, you're pretty fucking entertaining.
God:
Actually you don't say. How much would you pay for me?
Me:
I thought money was the root of all evil.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Um. Your only begotten son.
God:
Gosh! Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am begotten son.
Me:
I thought that was what the whole Holy Trinity thing was about.
God:
Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
Are you saying the mystery of the Trinity is a lie?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Dude, Ratzinger is going to shit himself if you tell him that.
AND THEN THE PROGRAM FROZE!
::dies a zillion times::