(no subject)
Well here i am at 5am sitting here trying to slowly type as the whole world sleeps but me. I feel like a kid anxiously awaiting the sun to peek out on Christmas morning so he can open all the cool shit under the tree. Except there is just gonna be a lot more work to get the presents i want. I know that the worst thing i can do right now would in fact be to stay awake right now, but as i have realized the no matter which side i roll onto i just cant fall asleep. I cant really say that is am surprised considering this isnt the first time this has happened. The same thing happened two years ago when i took my military test. I have been told all the supportive things that can be said to a person but that really has not calmed my mind down at all. It just seems like all nice things are being said about being smart and such and i should be able to do it with out a problem, but what if i dont...what does that prove? That i cant do it....that i am not a smart as i lead on? And really if i do fail again..how many times will i try things such as this before i just give up and stop trying?
But i am trying my best to think on the positive side of things....telling myself that i will pass this....telling myself that this will all work out...telling myself that i in fact have the courage to see this threw and to make something of myself.
If this works i will in fact be the first (hopefully not the last)one in my family to get the career that i want. And to also at the same time, which may not seem like a big deal to some, but make my father proud.
Which is actually kinda weird to see written on a blank page....to make my father proud....I actually dont know why i should actually care too much about his opinion. Considering my up bringing i shouldnt care at all actually. The man cares more about this drink then anything i have ever done. Of course when he isnt loaded for the whole 5 minutes of the day i guess he cares...tho i wouldnt know i dont see him in that 5 mins. So i really dont know why i should care...or for that matter why i brought that up...must be the lack of sleep. Or maybe it is that part of all of us that strive to do good and make our parents proud.
You know what....fuck it... i am doing this for me and the future..and the family i hope to have one day...thats right i will breed...oh yes oh yes....more lil mohawked sarcastic lil jackasses are needed on this planet to cause shit...just like me muahahaha
and that is all i got....i think i am gonna try that sleep again....should bottle that stuff for this kind of times.
Peace Niggas
Oh, and one more thing....i may be celebrating soon when i get these test scores back so look out for further drinkin plans
But i am trying my best to think on the positive side of things....telling myself that i will pass this....telling myself that this will all work out...telling myself that i in fact have the courage to see this threw and to make something of myself.
If this works i will in fact be the first (hopefully not the last)one in my family to get the career that i want. And to also at the same time, which may not seem like a big deal to some, but make my father proud.
Which is actually kinda weird to see written on a blank page....to make my father proud....I actually dont know why i should actually care too much about his opinion. Considering my up bringing i shouldnt care at all actually. The man cares more about this drink then anything i have ever done. Of course when he isnt loaded for the whole 5 minutes of the day i guess he cares...tho i wouldnt know i dont see him in that 5 mins. So i really dont know why i should care...or for that matter why i brought that up...must be the lack of sleep. Or maybe it is that part of all of us that strive to do good and make our parents proud.
You know what....fuck it... i am doing this for me and the future..and the family i hope to have one day...thats right i will breed...oh yes oh yes....more lil mohawked sarcastic lil jackasses are needed on this planet to cause shit...just like me muahahaha
and that is all i got....i think i am gonna try that sleep again....should bottle that stuff for this kind of times.
Peace Niggas
Oh, and one more thing....i may be celebrating soon when i get these test scores back so look out for further drinkin plans