And the sea may look warm to ya, babe.
Today felt weird, but I'm finally starting to move into my room. Things are really coming together now in there and I'm making it my own. See, my parents have been living in that house for about two months now, but I still lived over in this house (Aunt's house right across the street). I think the main reason I didn't want to go over there (lately) is because I have so much stuff to go through. It seemed to me it would be hard to go through it because EVERYTHING I have accumulated since the hurricane was either given to me by John, his family, or something I bought while I was with John. So today, I worked up the nerve and cleaned it all out.
I have this big big box, (from Dominos Sugar mind you) and put all of the pictures of John and me, pictures of his family, notebooks he wrote, notes I wrote, this story he wrote for Ms. Wolf, hand sanatizers he bought me, stuffed animals, braclets, wallets, triple action anti itch cream, the list goes on. The worst picture was of us on 611 on our "cruise", it's still in it's little package, because I haven't found the perfect picture frame to put it in. Now, that picture is in the bottom of the box, out of sight, out of mind. I packed away the playstation 2, and I plan on mailing him his games back. I don't think I could visit him again though, I want to, but I just can't. I mean, it hurts just seeing his screename online, or his phone number in my address book. Everything is just melting (badly) when I think about him, hell I might as well be in tears just writing this, but you wouldn't think that, would you?
I shouldn't have reached for the secret too soon...or cried for the moon.
BUT, life will go on without me in his, or him in mine. I mean, I'm only 16, I shouldn't have expected this to be the ONLY relationship I would ever have, right? Right. Just 16 and thought of marriage and crap is just ridiculous now. I'm glad because sometimes I think "Well, I can do THIS now, and I can think THAT now, and now I can just be free and not feel guilty for having fun without him". Those thoughts are good, but then I'd get these thoughts like, "He was so sweet that day....Aw he always did this for me, aww he use to do that with me.." And it just hurts, RIGHT LADIES?
But, maybe I'm not what he wanted or was interested in all along? After all, I felt more like a friend than anything sometimes. Now that we're not even together, I don't feel like anything to him, because, I'm not. I wish I wasn't off of school this week.
I have this big big box, (from Dominos Sugar mind you) and put all of the pictures of John and me, pictures of his family, notebooks he wrote, notes I wrote, this story he wrote for Ms. Wolf, hand sanatizers he bought me, stuffed animals, braclets, wallets, triple action anti itch cream, the list goes on. The worst picture was of us on 611 on our "cruise", it's still in it's little package, because I haven't found the perfect picture frame to put it in. Now, that picture is in the bottom of the box, out of sight, out of mind. I packed away the playstation 2, and I plan on mailing him his games back. I don't think I could visit him again though, I want to, but I just can't. I mean, it hurts just seeing his screename online, or his phone number in my address book. Everything is just melting (badly) when I think about him, hell I might as well be in tears just writing this, but you wouldn't think that, would you?
I shouldn't have reached for the secret too soon...or cried for the moon.
BUT, life will go on without me in his, or him in mine. I mean, I'm only 16, I shouldn't have expected this to be the ONLY relationship I would ever have, right? Right. Just 16 and thought of marriage and crap is just ridiculous now. I'm glad because sometimes I think "Well, I can do THIS now, and I can think THAT now, and now I can just be free and not feel guilty for having fun without him". Those thoughts are good, but then I'd get these thoughts like, "He was so sweet that day....Aw he always did this for me, aww he use to do that with me.." And it just hurts, RIGHT LADIES?
But, maybe I'm not what he wanted or was interested in all along? After all, I felt more like a friend than anything sometimes. Now that we're not even together, I don't feel like anything to him, because, I'm not. I wish I wasn't off of school this week.