it's not all it's cracked up to be...
to all the friends i've hurt.
college has been an awfully trying time. it supposed to be a chance to grow and mature. it supposed to be where we find out who we are. it's supposed to be a lot of things.
somehow every time i've tried to do the right thing it's ended up backfiring.
freshmen year i thought only being friends with girls would somehow make a long distance relationship work. and it did...
sophomore year i thought i could handle hanging out with guys. the friends i'd thought i'd made as a freshmen changed and i didn't feel like i fit in with them as well. guy friends were a bad idea. and i spent 2 years trying to recover from that.
junior year i did rowing. rowing took up everything i had. and i had little left over for the friends i'd managed to retain. i gave it my all and got nothing in return that lasted. the people i thought i could trust it turned out i couldn't. the people i thought i could look up to it turned out i couldn't.
senior year i once again decided to only have girl friends. but my friends from rowing weren't really my friends so much. my friends from before that didn't seem terribly interested in renewing what we'd had before either. and engineering just doesn't have a solid girl base from which to choose.
i've been terrible. i've done a lot. i've hurt many people. and i've gained little from any of it. i feel like i was better off before. regardless of when "before" was.
that doesn't make anything better. but i am sorry. and i miss most of those people i've lost...almost all really. i've met some really great people.
college has been an awfully trying time. it supposed to be a chance to grow and mature. it supposed to be where we find out who we are. it's supposed to be a lot of things.
somehow every time i've tried to do the right thing it's ended up backfiring.
freshmen year i thought only being friends with girls would somehow make a long distance relationship work. and it did...
sophomore year i thought i could handle hanging out with guys. the friends i'd thought i'd made as a freshmen changed and i didn't feel like i fit in with them as well. guy friends were a bad idea. and i spent 2 years trying to recover from that.
junior year i did rowing. rowing took up everything i had. and i had little left over for the friends i'd managed to retain. i gave it my all and got nothing in return that lasted. the people i thought i could trust it turned out i couldn't. the people i thought i could look up to it turned out i couldn't.
senior year i once again decided to only have girl friends. but my friends from rowing weren't really my friends so much. my friends from before that didn't seem terribly interested in renewing what we'd had before either. and engineering just doesn't have a solid girl base from which to choose.
i've been terrible. i've done a lot. i've hurt many people. and i've gained little from any of it. i feel like i was better off before. regardless of when "before" was.
that doesn't make anything better. but i am sorry. and i miss most of those people i've lost...almost all really. i've met some really great people.