It doesn't matter, it's in the past!
Ugh... Anyone have any clue what's going on, because I sure as hell don't. Not with the world, and certainly not with myself. I feel even more confused than usual, but in all likeliness, it's my own fault. I mean, I have no friggin' clue what the future holds, really, what direction I want to go in life, but that's nothing new. I never really have any clue - which is frustrating as hell, because I end up doing things simply for the sake of doing them. I desperately want to avoid getting stuck, but it's hard as hell when you can't see where you're going.
And on the flip side, as usual, I seem ever-devoted to trying to sever all connections with my past. *sigh* I know why I do it... People that have gone, places that have gone, and I just can't cope, so I try to avoid acknowledging that any of it ever existed in the first place. Unfortunately, with no past and no future, I'm just here, stuck, forever in the moment, having absolutely no clue who the hell I am or where the hell I'm going.
And of course, as usual, my brain's onto me, and it won't let me be, because my brain's a bastard like that. So lately I've been having dreams about the past, of course, usually focusing on the more painful things, as well as reminding me of things that were great at the time but are painful now because they're gone.
And it all culminates with me watching "The Lion King" of all things, recently. It's kind of sad when you can relate to a Disney movie. But eh, I can't denied that I've tried to adopt the "Hakuna matata" lifestyle, and well, yeah... I just wish I knew what to do. I've never really had a compass in life, but I used to get along okay on instinct. But now even instinct's left me with no idea which way to go.
Sorry for the rant, and I know I haven't posted in a while - ironically, LJ is one of those things "in the past" for me, so I thought it'd be symbolic to post my thoughts here while I try to sort through it all.
And on the flip side, as usual, I seem ever-devoted to trying to sever all connections with my past. *sigh* I know why I do it... People that have gone, places that have gone, and I just can't cope, so I try to avoid acknowledging that any of it ever existed in the first place. Unfortunately, with no past and no future, I'm just here, stuck, forever in the moment, having absolutely no clue who the hell I am or where the hell I'm going.
And of course, as usual, my brain's onto me, and it won't let me be, because my brain's a bastard like that. So lately I've been having dreams about the past, of course, usually focusing on the more painful things, as well as reminding me of things that were great at the time but are painful now because they're gone.
And it all culminates with me watching "The Lion King" of all things, recently. It's kind of sad when you can relate to a Disney movie. But eh, I can't denied that I've tried to adopt the "Hakuna matata" lifestyle, and well, yeah... I just wish I knew what to do. I've never really had a compass in life, but I used to get along okay on instinct. But now even instinct's left me with no idea which way to go.
Sorry for the rant, and I know I haven't posted in a while - ironically, LJ is one of those things "in the past" for me, so I thought it'd be symbolic to post my thoughts here while I try to sort through it all.