Carl's + Truck Stop Cashier = Growth permissible.
I started working at a truck stop recently. I may not have to deal with all the lecherous advances that the 50-year old lady cashiers do, but I manage to talk with the truckers anyway. What follows are snippets of the best conversations to date:
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Have you ever wondered why the beach isn't washed away by the tides? Every other second or so, a wave breaks on the beach and hauls a handful of sand off to the ocean deeps. Added together, the cumulative effect should be miles of erosion that eat away at the coastal cities. A trucker recently set my mind right. Thousands of years ago, the ocean made a deal with the land. If one human were allowed to drown every day, the ocean would take that person and leave the land in peace. So next time you go to the beach, say a prayer for the thousands dead. And mind where you swim.
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HORRIBLE JOKES
Q: McCain and Obama are sitting in a tree. Who hits the ground first?
A: McCain. Obama has a rope around his neck.
Q: What's the best way to unload a truck full of dead babies?
A: Use a pitchfork.
Q: How do you get a better view of Obama's speech?
A: Put a scope on your rifle.
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Doctors are a waste of time. One (skinny) trucker wisely advised me to seek the aid of my local veterinarian. The trucker had suffered from an antibiotic-resistant infection. (Read: Hep C gleaned from hooker.) But LO, he went to the vet and was given a small handful of white powder to drink in water. He was back on the road again the next day. His revitalized immune system fought off the infection and he's suffered no ill effects from the drug or disease. (HALLELUJIAH MY PEOPLE) He gave some of the powder to his elderly father. The next day, the old man jumped out of bed and started mowing the lawn in his bathrobe and slippers. Another infirm healed by horse medicine. (TESTIFY MY BROTHAS)
Based on reading and rereading all of James Herriot's books, I would guess that the white powder was a mild steroid of some kind. But I don't have any solid evidence to prove it.
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Truckers that buy you a soda will try to cash a bad check within 5 minutes. So it is written.
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It was 6 AM and I was waiting for a bus. A 17-year old carrying a baby and a diaper bag joined me. She sat on the bench and began pulling a cell phone out of her pocket. Having put the baby on her knees, she squirmed to gain access to her precious celly. The baby rolled off of her knees and landed on the sidewalk. (2.5 foot drop) The baby did not care for such treatment. A lady on the bus said 'the stupid girl's too young to be having babies.' I agree.
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Netfragz now offers Xbox 360's with force-feedback gaming chairs. <3 bioshock.
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One of my duties at the truck stop is to rat out whores. One locally famous lady (named Mona) came to buy a shower with her 18-year old friend. I took their money and gave them the towels. They returned twenty minutes later. Her eyes were bloodshot, she slurred her speech, and THE GODDAMN TOWELS WERE STILL FOLDED AND DRY. I was tempted to keep her deposit, but Supervisor Bill has an understanding with Mona. Read: Services rendered, services returned.
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Most truckers cannot believe a black man is running for president. Supervisor Bill believes that Obama will use the American military to return his Kenyan family to power. Truckers seem to think that Obama will be assassinated for excessive interest in civil rights. (ala Kennedy and Lincoln.) They already caught a couple of skinhead crackas that tried to talk a big game on Myspace. There are other arguments I can't remember right now, but they leave me sputtering 'hope' and 'change' in a futile attempt to win their votes.
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18-year old arrested for convincing granny to star in rap video. Greatest story evar.
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The local Colonies Drain (Read: wannabe lake) has been a big source of zoning contention lately. While the bureacrats debated, one enterprising citizen seeded the lake with largemouth bass. He and his friends would go fishing and grill up the bass for dinner. Meanwhile, the city decided to drain the lake. Upon discovering the bass, they hired a diver/fisherman to net the fish from the lake and transport them to a more suitable habitat. So the city paid for a guy to go fishing. I applaud this decision.
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More later, time permitting.
____________________________________________
Have you ever wondered why the beach isn't washed away by the tides? Every other second or so, a wave breaks on the beach and hauls a handful of sand off to the ocean deeps. Added together, the cumulative effect should be miles of erosion that eat away at the coastal cities. A trucker recently set my mind right. Thousands of years ago, the ocean made a deal with the land. If one human were allowed to drown every day, the ocean would take that person and leave the land in peace. So next time you go to the beach, say a prayer for the thousands dead. And mind where you swim.
___________________________________________
HORRIBLE JOKES
Q: McCain and Obama are sitting in a tree. Who hits the ground first?
A: McCain. Obama has a rope around his neck.
Q: What's the best way to unload a truck full of dead babies?
A: Use a pitchfork.
Q: How do you get a better view of Obama's speech?
A: Put a scope on your rifle.
___________________________________________
Doctors are a waste of time. One (skinny) trucker wisely advised me to seek the aid of my local veterinarian. The trucker had suffered from an antibiotic-resistant infection. (Read: Hep C gleaned from hooker.) But LO, he went to the vet and was given a small handful of white powder to drink in water. He was back on the road again the next day. His revitalized immune system fought off the infection and he's suffered no ill effects from the drug or disease. (HALLELUJIAH MY PEOPLE) He gave some of the powder to his elderly father. The next day, the old man jumped out of bed and started mowing the lawn in his bathrobe and slippers. Another infirm healed by horse medicine. (TESTIFY MY BROTHAS)
Based on reading and rereading all of James Herriot's books, I would guess that the white powder was a mild steroid of some kind. But I don't have any solid evidence to prove it.
___________________________________________
Truckers that buy you a soda will try to cash a bad check within 5 minutes. So it is written.
____________________________________________
It was 6 AM and I was waiting for a bus. A 17-year old carrying a baby and a diaper bag joined me. She sat on the bench and began pulling a cell phone out of her pocket. Having put the baby on her knees, she squirmed to gain access to her precious celly. The baby rolled off of her knees and landed on the sidewalk. (2.5 foot drop) The baby did not care for such treatment. A lady on the bus said 'the stupid girl's too young to be having babies.' I agree.
____________________________________________
Netfragz now offers Xbox 360's with force-feedback gaming chairs. <3 bioshock.
____________________________________________
One of my duties at the truck stop is to rat out whores. One locally famous lady (named Mona) came to buy a shower with her 18-year old friend. I took their money and gave them the towels. They returned twenty minutes later. Her eyes were bloodshot, she slurred her speech, and THE GODDAMN TOWELS WERE STILL FOLDED AND DRY. I was tempted to keep her deposit, but Supervisor Bill has an understanding with Mona. Read: Services rendered, services returned.
____________________________________________
Most truckers cannot believe a black man is running for president. Supervisor Bill believes that Obama will use the American military to return his Kenyan family to power. Truckers seem to think that Obama will be assassinated for excessive interest in civil rights. (ala Kennedy and Lincoln.) They already caught a couple of skinhead crackas that tried to talk a big game on Myspace. There are other arguments I can't remember right now, but they leave me sputtering 'hope' and 'change' in a futile attempt to win their votes.
_____________________________________________
18-year old arrested for convincing granny to star in rap video. Greatest story evar.
_____________________________________________
The local Colonies Drain (Read: wannabe lake) has been a big source of zoning contention lately. While the bureacrats debated, one enterprising citizen seeded the lake with largemouth bass. He and his friends would go fishing and grill up the bass for dinner. Meanwhile, the city decided to drain the lake. Upon discovering the bass, they hired a diver/fisherman to net the fish from the lake and transport them to a more suitable habitat. So the city paid for a guy to go fishing. I applaud this decision.
_____________________________________________
More later, time permitting.