(no subject)
my new roommate gave me a desktop computer. i haven't had a computer since my macbook was stolen from a party at my house over a year ago (i know, wah wah). i decided to take some time and upload photos from my cf card that i had just been too lazy to do at any other point. i inserted it into the card reader and nothing fucking came up. i took it out and put it back in my camera to try to plug the whole camera into the usb. suddenly. i have no photos. why oh why? that cf card is huge. and there are (were) literally photos on it from the past year or more that i never bothered to edit. i always thought they'd just be there. of certain interest to me were fairly recent photographs of my mother cutting my dad's hair. gone. there were also some stupid pictures of the bike i just finished, but those can easily be retaken. i don't know that my mom will ever cut my dad's hair again. if she does, it won't be the same. he has this really beautiful turkish puzzle ring that he wears as a wedding band and he had this old dirty towel around his shoulders. all the liver spots on his hands were visible because the kitchen was flooded with that stupid wintery setting sunlight of 3pm.
if only it had been on film. i know i could have fucked up film just as easily. i could have scratched it or processed it poorly but at least there would be something there. you can always pull something out of that shitty darkness of crappy film, even if it's just a whisper of what you remember. that shit is tangible. even if i had lost it, it would still be, you know, existing...somewhere. and that would be enough. perhaps one might say to me: "those digital files could still technically exist somewhere else. the fourth or fifth dimension". well then, dear Jivanmuktas of the universe, send them baaaack.
if only it had been on film. i know i could have fucked up film just as easily. i could have scratched it or processed it poorly but at least there would be something there. you can always pull something out of that shitty darkness of crappy film, even if it's just a whisper of what you remember. that shit is tangible. even if i had lost it, it would still be, you know, existing...somewhere. and that would be enough. perhaps one might say to me: "those digital files could still technically exist somewhere else. the fourth or fifth dimension". well then, dear Jivanmuktas of the universe, send them baaaack.