Two down. One and a half to go...

[maclabhrain]

Essay things, that is. I remembered, just as Ewan was drifting off to sleep last night, that I have to do a two page reflective essay about Out of the Chrysalis, and how it came about. I'm sorry I swore so loud, Ewan, I really am...

But yes. Chrysalis is in a complete first-draft form. Now to plead for everyone's feedback....

Comments

Re: Chrysalis

[ormi]

Wow it's great! I don't think you need to change it much at all; the only place it seemed to jar for me is when you are describing the sex with Mark - 'fucking, dog-like thrusting, grunting, eyes glazed and distant...' When you say 'fucking' I assume you mean the noun having sex as opposed to the adjective. I can't really pinpoint exactly why it doesn't seem to fit, but I would be tempted to cut it and stick in another adjective to describe the thrusting e.g. brutal.

Total empathy with Jen being angry over being 'outed.' The knowledge that you're gay can be very private, and having someone reveal it without your say-so is just as hurtful and embarassing as any other time someone you trust breaks a confidence that means a lot to you.

Hrm upon reflection maybe Lori's feelings are a bit over the top - she would understand the danger of coming out at the wrong time given her difficulties with her parents. So you'd think she would be more understanding (and hence not so angry with Jen). But then again, if you get the impression that your lover is ashamed of you, I guess that could make you really angry. I don't know - I don't think I'm going to be any help.

Regardless, I think it's a great story :)

Re: Chrysalis

[maclabhrain]

*blushgrin* Aww, thanks! I'm glad you can relate.

And yes, Lori's meant to be overreacting - if she hadn't been, she wouldn't've outed Jen, for starters. Plus, she's not perfect. I made sure of that.

Thanks again!