Owning my emptiness
So I've just accepted that I'm not an autonomous person. I've had issues all my life with emotional neglect. At this point I'm just disassociated with myself with the actual awareness that I'm not a valid person. This all started in April when the neighbor trimmed trees that exposed a bunch of more light that I'd like. When I attempted to try to lobby to make my needs met I got a stand down order. At this point I have just internalized the guilt that I have from my folks & just laid down.
At this point after dealing with aborted life launches I'm just ready to not be myself or anyone. Another example today was this house I was considering. As I drove by this afternoon I saw a SOLD sign on it. I don't deserve anything. From years & decades of not being a person or having my needs met at this point I just have to accept this fact & not worry about being "normal" anymore.
Why did I even bother or wish for anything else? At this point I should be glad that the childhood emotional neglect set me up to be a great customer service rep to be overly responsible for other people’s happiness, comfort, health, success or satisfaction. I'm a back office beta the potential for anything else is running out quickly.