please bleed so i know that you are real....

[mackitmp06]

i am now officially 18. wow. it amazes me to look back and see how far ive come.all that has happened in my life. what really affects me is how hopeless you can feel at the moment that you are experiencing such a trial that you cant even breathe.and with time it heals you,lets you see the world from a brighter and more fulfilling angle. i have come to realize that life isnt about getting through the bad times to get to an eternal period of good times. its about living it all and learning how to grow through it. its about learning to smile when your standing in the middle of the biggest storm. its about knowing that no matter how helpless and lost you feel it will eventually be just another scar on your heart and nothing more.another scar with a story.i think life is one big mixture of good bad boring fun its everything. all the emotions possible are used throughout a lifetime.its about finding you and living at peace with what you discovered.i sometimes feel so frustrated here because i know when i get home im still going ot have to defend myself and fight for who i am but i realize that is life. we constantly fight to be who we are with pride and a sense of accomplishment. no one can take us from ourselves.why is it so hard for people to understand that you cant please the world. because if you could then wed all be the same and how boring would that be. i am proud to be me even though ive fucked up bad in the past and even though ive almost gone insane..i am proud that i am here and that i crashed to the bottom and was able to rise to the top with the support of my friends and with all the strength i owned. i love all of you who have supported me while i was down here. who have written me e-mails and listened to me bitch and moan when i called them..but who always gave me the best advice. thank you for helping me overcome a dark past and force the sun to shine towards a bright future. dont forget our plans...you know who you are. i love you.
peace and strength
macki

*i never said i´d lie and wait forever. if i did we´d be together. i cant always just forget him. but he could try. at the end of my world whats the last thing i see? you are never coming home. and all the things that you never ever told me and all the scars that are better, could you hold me? and all the wounds that are never gonna scar me and all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me....if i fall..if i fall...and all the wounds that are never gonna scar me and all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me...* my chemical romance