Cause my self-esteem, it's been low. Go ahead and count. It's been lower than low.
I've got to admit that I'm starting to go a little nuts from being so isolated here. Cutting away two of my only sources of entertainment around here (Yunes and Olivia) was something that needed to be done, but it's being done at a cost. There are only a couple of people left for me to hang out with, all of them in NYC. I can't exactly get up there all the time to see them because of my night classes and the fact getting into NYC is expensive ($20 train, $6-8 parking at the train station, roughly $6 in subway fare, and then however much food/drink/entertainment costs for that night). So that leaves me pretty much on my own during the week. It's definitely leaving me depressed and starting to make me withdrawn. I really don't want to leave my house. I don't want to play tennis...do much of anything really.
It's kinda funny. Last semester was so incredible, probably the best few months of my life. I definitely appreciated it, but I was wondering when the other shoe was going to drop in the back of my mind. The first thought in my head after I got mugged in Argentina was, "Well, that's the end of the ride." It's been a pretty shitty two months since then without question. I definitely thrive on having a schedule and I usually have a pretty hectic one. It was nice to have some alone time off at first, but now I'm bored out of my fucking mind. I sometimes wonder if that's normal. I'm aware that life has ups and downs and that's just how it's going to be, but those five months earlier in the year were literally the longest stretch I've ever had where some major fuck-up or crisis didn't occur/I didn't feel completely worthless for long stretches of time. I sometimes get the feeling that it might not have panned out this way had I stayed in Ohio. Or maybe it would have. Who's to say?
Even there's really no positive to take from this particular situation, I'm trying to find them somewhere. It'll all be over in a week (going to Montreal that Friday-Sunday, my class will be done with two days after I get back, and then going to Vancouver the following night). I'm free to leave immediately upon getting back from Vancouver (to where exactly I'm not sure of yet, but the option is there and I'll probably take advantage of it). Things at Ohio Wesleyan will start back up soon enough and I'll be back with the people I love.
Finally, and most importantly, there will not be a repeat of this next summer. I'm already taking baby steps to ensure it won't. Went on internships.com and started looking up stuff. I'm thinking that I'd like to have an internship in broadcast journalism. It's probably not a coincidence that I've recently had several friends, faculty, and family tell me unsolicited that this is probably the perfect field for me. It makes sense. I'm a good writer. I love to travel. I love to interact with people and really find about them. I found about 35-40 internships all across the East Coast, Midwest, and South, and I intend on applying to every single of them. There is absolutely no way that I will get rejected from 40 internship offers, so something will come up and I'll probably be in a position where I can pick and choose somewhat. These jobs range from places like Boston, Chicago, DC, NYC, Austin, Atlanta, and Madison. I'd like to find one outside of NYC, but I'm also aware that it's Broadcast Journalism and the majority of the jobs will be in DC or NYC. Apparently my mom knows someone who works for CBS News, so that may be something I could take advantage of. We'll see. Next summer is something I know will work out.
It's kinda funny. Last semester was so incredible, probably the best few months of my life. I definitely appreciated it, but I was wondering when the other shoe was going to drop in the back of my mind. The first thought in my head after I got mugged in Argentina was, "Well, that's the end of the ride." It's been a pretty shitty two months since then without question. I definitely thrive on having a schedule and I usually have a pretty hectic one. It was nice to have some alone time off at first, but now I'm bored out of my fucking mind. I sometimes wonder if that's normal. I'm aware that life has ups and downs and that's just how it's going to be, but those five months earlier in the year were literally the longest stretch I've ever had where some major fuck-up or crisis didn't occur/I didn't feel completely worthless for long stretches of time. I sometimes get the feeling that it might not have panned out this way had I stayed in Ohio. Or maybe it would have. Who's to say?
Even there's really no positive to take from this particular situation, I'm trying to find them somewhere. It'll all be over in a week (going to Montreal that Friday-Sunday, my class will be done with two days after I get back, and then going to Vancouver the following night). I'm free to leave immediately upon getting back from Vancouver (to where exactly I'm not sure of yet, but the option is there and I'll probably take advantage of it). Things at Ohio Wesleyan will start back up soon enough and I'll be back with the people I love.
Finally, and most importantly, there will not be a repeat of this next summer. I'm already taking baby steps to ensure it won't. Went on internships.com and started looking up stuff. I'm thinking that I'd like to have an internship in broadcast journalism. It's probably not a coincidence that I've recently had several friends, faculty, and family tell me unsolicited that this is probably the perfect field for me. It makes sense. I'm a good writer. I love to travel. I love to interact with people and really find about them. I found about 35-40 internships all across the East Coast, Midwest, and South, and I intend on applying to every single of them. There is absolutely no way that I will get rejected from 40 internship offers, so something will come up and I'll probably be in a position where I can pick and choose somewhat. These jobs range from places like Boston, Chicago, DC, NYC, Austin, Atlanta, and Madison. I'd like to find one outside of NYC, but I'm also aware that it's Broadcast Journalism and the majority of the jobs will be in DC or NYC. Apparently my mom knows someone who works for CBS News, so that may be something I could take advantage of. We'll see. Next summer is something I know will work out.