(no subject)
I hate how every time I think of my Dad, I have to try not to get into this stupid emotional state about it.
I'm jealous that there are people who live with their fathers and talk to them about serious things. About things that they already know are going on because they're around to know them.
People are always saying things in a relationship like, "I love you so much, there are no words to express it." Sometimes that's what I feel like I could say to him. Of course not in a romantic way, but the phrase it's self. It's like this cycle in myself that repeats. I love him so much... but when I'm around him it's like a bottled emotion, and then I feel like I don't show it. I wish I knew that he knew I loved him as much as I do. I've been having this sickening feeling of limited time with him... and I can't stand it.
I would give up every visit without a fight just so that I could have a real relationship with my Dad. I'd rather get into fits if it meant that I knew how to hug him without feeling awkward.
I just feel like I've been taking my time with him for granted.
I wish that I had tried to enjoy my time with him.
I wish he had called me more often.
I wish I had a second chance with him.
*sigh*... Has it really been 5 years? I may see him again on Tuesday or Wednesday.