I am so happy
I am better now, I am happy. Cool air blows accross the hardwood floor, and my clean bare feet pick up the dirt and dust as I scamper up stairs smiling to myself- I am not tired.
Liquid floral emotions are leaking quickley from her cello, so many colors and tones, and it is made more intense by the large metal mute she was using to not wake me or Kevin.
I'm downstairs now, and I can still hear her. It is so beautiful.
Instead of napping, I read a story about a rabbi and his cat. This rabbi follows all the rules strictly, and has a lot of issue when his daughter marries a french man, and questions god, and all sorts of things happen, but on the last page the rabbi has returned home to algeria, and instead of a sermon, he tells his congregation of men that he doesn't see why they had to follow the torah if one could be quite happy without doing so. I really liked this, I can't explain why in a way to make anyone care. But the story refreshed my energy and happiness. Perhaps there was a message to not worry so much.
I've been thinking of life in terms of GO. I think of a situation in terms of making life. Visually, in the air in front of me, I see the placement of stones- two eyes. Thats all there is, two eyes. Perhaps it can expand from there, maybe not.
I can't explain why I make the connection. Perhaps it is that I am not sure there is every a purpose to anything; everything is in flux and stability seems so arbitrary.
Its about free will, perhaps. Everyone is just doing SOMETHING, because without that they'd be doing nothing. But why, and what? And then there is this need to survive that we have to take care of. We have to get a job, shelter, food. It hurts my brain- when I look at the picture it makes, it is so empty. So many peoples lives feel so empty to me. Run from job to job and raise a child, or sit on the street day after day to get some change, buy a burrito, and a 40, find a spot to lay down at night.
What bothers me is perhaps the lack of connection, like I could just leave at anytime, that anyone could.
What keeps coming up in my thoughts is a question, the age old question, what is the meaning of life. It feels so pointless. There are many things worth living for: Joy, Math, People, Investigating curiosities, the rest of the world and the people in my neighborhood. But what does that worth mean? What scale is that worth measured on?
So I keep going back to thinking of GO, in some incomprehensible way. I really don't know why.
Things I saw today, in reverse order:
A guy successfully picking up a girl, a short conversation: number first, then name, and the spelling of, and then a discussion of maybe meeting up tomorrow. Weird.
A christmas light plastic statue of a reindeer and sled sitting on a roof. The reindeer was laying on its side.
I met a bus driver who loves his job, absolutely and totally. He used to run a small buisness, and then worked for a company but was layed off when the dot com thing crashed? Apparently. The he went to work as a bus driver and absolutley loves it. We had a nice long conversation about doing the things one loves. He was hard to understand, but that was ok.
Liquid floral emotions are leaking quickley from her cello, so many colors and tones, and it is made more intense by the large metal mute she was using to not wake me or Kevin.
I'm downstairs now, and I can still hear her. It is so beautiful.
Instead of napping, I read a story about a rabbi and his cat. This rabbi follows all the rules strictly, and has a lot of issue when his daughter marries a french man, and questions god, and all sorts of things happen, but on the last page the rabbi has returned home to algeria, and instead of a sermon, he tells his congregation of men that he doesn't see why they had to follow the torah if one could be quite happy without doing so. I really liked this, I can't explain why in a way to make anyone care. But the story refreshed my energy and happiness. Perhaps there was a message to not worry so much.
I've been thinking of life in terms of GO. I think of a situation in terms of making life. Visually, in the air in front of me, I see the placement of stones- two eyes. Thats all there is, two eyes. Perhaps it can expand from there, maybe not.
I can't explain why I make the connection. Perhaps it is that I am not sure there is every a purpose to anything; everything is in flux and stability seems so arbitrary.
Its about free will, perhaps. Everyone is just doing SOMETHING, because without that they'd be doing nothing. But why, and what? And then there is this need to survive that we have to take care of. We have to get a job, shelter, food. It hurts my brain- when I look at the picture it makes, it is so empty. So many peoples lives feel so empty to me. Run from job to job and raise a child, or sit on the street day after day to get some change, buy a burrito, and a 40, find a spot to lay down at night.
What bothers me is perhaps the lack of connection, like I could just leave at anytime, that anyone could.
What keeps coming up in my thoughts is a question, the age old question, what is the meaning of life. It feels so pointless. There are many things worth living for: Joy, Math, People, Investigating curiosities, the rest of the world and the people in my neighborhood. But what does that worth mean? What scale is that worth measured on?
So I keep going back to thinking of GO, in some incomprehensible way. I really don't know why.
Things I saw today, in reverse order:
A guy successfully picking up a girl, a short conversation: number first, then name, and the spelling of, and then a discussion of maybe meeting up tomorrow. Weird.
A christmas light plastic statue of a reindeer and sled sitting on a roof. The reindeer was laying on its side.
I met a bus driver who loves his job, absolutely and totally. He used to run a small buisness, and then worked for a company but was layed off when the dot com thing crashed? Apparently. The he went to work as a bus driver and absolutley loves it. We had a nice long conversation about doing the things one loves. He was hard to understand, but that was ok.