City Miles
I feel a lot of things, and think a lot of things, that I don't vocalize or express to people. People who I want to know about the things I think, the things I feel. You'd think getting older would make me more mature, more confident, more well and out spoken. Instead I have closed tighter the older I have gotten. I used to spill my guts every evening to my friends, now I clam up. I'm afraid of being overbearing, of being too emotional, of being weak. Truth be told, I'm terrified of the people I love up and leaving me. Like she did, like he did, I've lost people in my life with no warning. No signs. One day we're close as ever, completely fine. The next they disappear, no explanation, no goodbye. I don't know if I've been hiding this fact from myself, or if I just never saw it.
But I'm absolutely terrified of being left.
It's a scar that's been cut, healed, cut, healed, and cut again. Unfortunately I'm not very strong, so it hurts. There are people I love more than anything in this world, my older brother and sister, my band mates, and friends I've met through both of them and on my own. They keep me going. I can't lose them, and for some reason making a decision, moving on with my life, making changes, it terrifies me. Because it adds more to the equation, it feels like it increases the chances of me losing any of those people who mean the world to me.
I know I am in control of my life, the people I love, the people I spend my time with. But there are variables I cannot control. I just hope I can hold the people I love close to me as we all age. Because after all the lazy days enjoying nothing but each other's company, the long nights drinking and playing games, the petty arguments, the long drawn out disagreements, the unfortunate mistakes and drama, after all we together have endured I absolutely refuse to lose them. Even if I become famous and have to travel all the time, even if I end up moving away or they end up moving away, no matter what happens they are what's important to me and they will remain in my life.
I love you, guys.
But I'm absolutely terrified of being left.
It's a scar that's been cut, healed, cut, healed, and cut again. Unfortunately I'm not very strong, so it hurts. There are people I love more than anything in this world, my older brother and sister, my band mates, and friends I've met through both of them and on my own. They keep me going. I can't lose them, and for some reason making a decision, moving on with my life, making changes, it terrifies me. Because it adds more to the equation, it feels like it increases the chances of me losing any of those people who mean the world to me.
I know I am in control of my life, the people I love, the people I spend my time with. But there are variables I cannot control. I just hope I can hold the people I love close to me as we all age. Because after all the lazy days enjoying nothing but each other's company, the long nights drinking and playing games, the petty arguments, the long drawn out disagreements, the unfortunate mistakes and drama, after all we together have endured I absolutely refuse to lose them. Even if I become famous and have to travel all the time, even if I end up moving away or they end up moving away, no matter what happens they are what's important to me and they will remain in my life.
I love you, guys.