The poseur's guide to top-five lists
I’ve been puzzling over a certain phenomenon lately, and I figure writing about it will help me sort out my thoughts. That phenomenon is the way in which we present our musical tastes to others. I conjecture people rarely present these honestly, while those who do aren’t worth your time.
While the latter observation might not be so obvious*, the first is trivially true.
Grant that an honest answer to the question, “what music are you into, maaan?” would be a representative sample of the music you’ve been listening to lately. Now take me as an example; an honest answer in my case would read something like: Jeff Mills, Zappa, Dr. Octagon, Roland Kirk and Boards of Canada (these have all been in my car’s CD changer or my stereo recently). But saying that makes me sound like a huge nerd, so of course I wouldn’t tell that to someone who asked.
But what would I say? It depends on the context. If I were talking to a pretentious indie rock guy would I give a different answer than if I were talking to a hip hop kid?
Here we can derive two interesting exercises. The first is to consider what sort of person you would give a most honest answer to, and consider what it says about yourself. I’d guess that for me it would be either a dirty hippie or a weirdo at an anime convention. Neither of these are good signs, but sometimes the truth hurts.
The second exercise has less potential for painful introspection, and is therefore more fun. Take a look at, say, the stated music interests of some myspace users. Now consider that this list probably says something about the kind of people whose approval is sought, and try to figure who that is.
For examples, if your list goes something like, “The Beta Band, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Belle and Sebastian, Guided by Voices…” you should just take out this craigslist personal: “Me: WM, thinks I’m better than everyone else even though my life is going nowhere. You: have good taste in vintage clothing. Let’s meet up for a PBR and talk about old television shows.”
If your list reads, “Journey, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Dave Mathews, Little John…” your ad should say, “I’m a douche bag; do you like keg parties?”
Some people simply write, “I like a little bit of everything, as long as it sounds good I’ll listen to it!” What they really mean is, “I’m bland and very insecure. Please don’t reject me like my father did.”
See how this works? Now that we’re all on the same page, here are some artist profiles. From each of them you might want to select a representative member to let people know the kind of person whose approval you seek. Feel free to add your own.
-The Modern Legend
e.g. Radiohead, Modest Mouse, Dandy Warhols
These bands are familiar, so their inclusion won’t signal your coolness, but this crucial selection provides a heuristic by which a reader can judge your value. Use caution though, this selection says more about your musical allegiances than you might realize.
-The Timely Sensation
e.g. LCD Soundsystem, Bloc Party, Arcade Fire
Let them know that you’re still up on new music, naturally.
-The Vestige of Wasted Youth
e.g. Minor Threat, NIN, Pantera, Weezer, Plastikman, etc.
Sure you’ve grown up, but not all the way. You still like to kick back and remember the good old days, and inform potential peers about what subcultures you identified with (or now pretend to have identified with) as a teenager.
-The Alternative Classic
e.g. Pixies, Smiths, My Bloody Valentine
It doesn’t matter what you pick because no one actually listens to these bands.
-The Tried and True
e.g. Dylan, Stones, The Who
Of course you’re not too cool to appreciate conventional classic rock, but you only like the good shit.
-The Top 40 Diamond in the Rough
e.g. Amy Winehouse, Coldplay, System of a Down
See above. You’re not too good for pop, just nearly all pop.
-The Obscure
e.g. You’ve probably never heard of them but…
Again, it doesn’t matter what you pick, it just has to be something no one knows.
-The Random Eclectic Influence
e.g. Miles Davis, De La Soul, Otis Redding
You need to let people know your tastes are broader than Rock and Roll. You’re into diverse (read: black) artists too. After all, you’re no bigot.
There are plenty more. Let’s think about how and why to select them. My goal here is to open up a dialog, in the hopes that we can some day be dishonest in a more accurate way.
*But think about it. A good way to tell if someone is being honest is if their tastes are not presented in a manner like that considered here. In general, if someone’s list is all very similar artists, especially if they're of an idiosyncratic nature, then they are a monomaniac and should be avoided. For example, someone who lists all Krautrock bands from the early 70s is probably a sexual deviant.