arty processes, continued
so also in the second week, i started painting. i was putting the panels up onto the easel and then down on the floor again. it was tiresome. i didn't have enough space and wasn't sure how things were going to work out this way. we had our group critique, and i showed the two uppermost panels 'cause they had the most paint on them. no one said much, because there wasn't anything to comment on, but several of my studio mates did offer to give me more space. yay! so then i had about a 1/4 of the total studio space to myself! my advsior told me i needed to hang the pieces to work on them properly. so i did that, though it was frustrating running all around town AGAIN to the hardware stores.
in the third week, i was freaking out about how much color there was to deal with in the painting. i've always been a little afraid of color and mostly painting in monochromatic kindsa ways/just three colors. the freaking out was definitely holding me back, and advisor said, "just get the paint on there! later you can do glazes to tweak the colors you think aren't working!" she's always telling us to HAVE FUN! which i love. she said i had a good eye and that i just needed to get cracking. so i did. i was putting the paint up in kind of harsh contour lines that i didn't like at all, and hated looking at the painting 'cause it was ugly. i was still really happy with the idea, but i didn't like how it was turning out. i also realized that i needed A LOT more paint and larger implements (advisor said brushes, which i bought, but i like palette knives better, gah). i spent a bazillion dollars getting bigger stuff and more paint about everyday since i started this project. my mastercard co. loves me know.
fourth week- same anxieties, same dissatisfaction with how the painting was looking, same application techniques. during group crit i got applause for my ballsy-ness. over and over during the course of this project i am reminded of my tattoo artist saying to me admiringly, "you're a bad-ass bitch". this is a BIG departure from my comfort zone/what i have done before, and it feels good to just take the leap. also i start thinking a lot about what this painting is saying. during my weekly conference with advisor, she tells me that a studiomate of mine (who is really super annoying but always says exactly what he is thinking with no filters) said that the painting made him feel impotent. i don't know in what way he was meaning that, but i sort of liked it, being that he is a straight white guy and i am a queer femme white lady. what with all the male representation of nudes as being all passive and pretty and the height of perfection. blah. i started to think about how this painting was meant to be a discussion about body stuff, and how it actually addresses that/what it says to the viewer/how it will be percieved. advisor gives me some wax medium to plump up the paint and stretch out the amount of pigment. i love it and order some.
fifth week- i notice that others say things about the painting that i cannot see in it. (it's amazing, it's good, love the paint application (really thick like frosting). etc. i think it's really interesting seeing as how people are often telling me things about myself--my body in particular--that i cannot see, do not understand or believe. this is not a common thing to my artwork. i can generally see it for what it is. this painting represents my body and also reflects how i see my body-distorted. i was having trouble mixing a color, and a studiomate of mine said something about how she loves paintings where there are lots of colors that don't actually match but are just the same intensity/etc. after she said that, advisors words whispered in my head 'HAVE FUN'. so i just started plopping paint on the painting, mushing the contour lines that had been bothering me since i started working on the painting. i just mixed up a little paint at a time (i know, this is not the best strategy. with future works, i will mix huge batches and put them in airtight containers) and put in on the panels, effectively creating the modeling that i wanted, and eliminating the contour lines that were too harsh and ugly. yay! slow going, but very satisfying results. (thanks sofi)