XP
Ugh... So yeah, it's been a while since I posted. I felt the need to tonight, though. First off, there are only two days of school left. That is depressing as hell! I have never enjoyed life so much as I have enjoyed my senior year. Yeah, I'm tired of school, but I can't pretend that I'm happy to go. Especially not with most of my close friends going way far away. I know I'll meet new people, but damn... I'm going to miss them sooo much!
Second, it seems like everyone's been misunderstanding me today. Yeah, I did a dumb thing, but I did consider the person's feelings after, didn't go through with it, and these people were being really terrible to my friend! I sympathized with her, and I knew she wouldn't do it anyway. I know I'm not a perfect person. I know I make mistakes, but I'd like to think that they're relatively few and far between. I don't consider myself particularly insensitive, or thoughtless, though I know I come off that way at times. But yeah... I won't get into that. I feel bad enough as it is, especially with the proportions this whole scenario was driven to.
Then my other friend misunderstood me when she unloaded some baggage on me and I told her "I can't deal with all this teenage drama, you know?" I meant it like, "geeze this stuff is rough" and more like, that I hated to see friend's argue and people who've known each other forever to not get along. That's not how she took it though, and even when I tried to explain myself, she still seemed upset, like I was being an insensitive jerk. I know that's kind of how it sounded, but it was not what I was going for. I was actually being highly sympathetic. I guess I was already stressed from friend A being upset with me. I don't want her to be thinking badly of me, not when we've been getting along so well, and not when the year's almost done. I just hope she still realizes, she's one of my greatest friends, and one of the most important people in my life. Oh, and then there was my Dad's phone call. The only good news is that he is falling apart over my parents' divorce.
The bad news? A chopper from his company went down yesterday, killing the pilot. Cause of the crash? The same sort of system for picking up water that he uses on his chopper. My dad's a firefighter. Except, instead of using a hose, he puts out the massive forest fires you see on TV by flying over the smoke and flames and dumping water on them. And it's dangerous work.... I know there's nothing my Father wouldn't sacrifice for this family, but I get so worried sometimes... And now, he doesn't even really have a family to work for. And yet, he's still working his tail off to support me, and my Mom (who doesn't understand the concept that we have no money, nor does she want to help out with doing any bills when dad comes home for 4 days a month). I love him so much. He's such a wonderful person, and a wonderful mentor. If anything ever happened to my dad, I would be miserable for so long...
The other bad news, Mom called a realtor, meaning our house is on the market now. I could sit here and rant about my mother and how foolish she is, and how she doesn't understand finances, and how she's leading my Father on, but I won't. I'm going to miss the house though. My dad worked so hard for so many years so that we could have a nice place to live. He's worked us up to crappy, cockroach-filled apartments in Florida and Mass, to the beautiful home we have today. The house is really, or was really, the only thing we had going for us. My family is not wealthy. We don't have a lot of income to kick around. We get by, and just barely, but there as always a place to call home. After years of renting, we had a place that was ours and ours alone. Not for long.
But, such is life, and I know it could be worse. I'm going to get up tomorrow, go to school, and hopefully be my normal cheery self. That's just the way it works.