Fic: Lorin Industries [R]

[mach1n3]

John yawned.

Four days, seventeen hours, twenty-eight minutes…he glanced up at the chrono, eight seconds, nine, ten…

It had been nearly five days since he had closed his eyes for more than five minutes.

He couldn’t.

He had to.

Taking stims would extend his ability to stay awake.

Staying awake any longer meant he would be of no use

Comments

[deepsorskies]

You stopped there?! You evil, wonderful writer you!

:D

This was so breathtaking to read. I'm bouncing up and down in my chair!

I probably already said it, but this is one of my most favourite series at the moment!

What?!

[mach1n3]

Noooo! Don't say that. *blush*

I'm thrilled that you think that, really. No, really

Re: What?!

[deepsorskies]

It's nothing but the truth.

I have a soft spot for Reaper!Bones that is about the size of the galaxy, and I like your version - both the story and the character - very much. I can see both John Grimm and Bones in your character, and the journey you have him take is both exciting and very original.

I also love how accepting and supportive your Jim is, although he won't desist until the truth is out ... and that's exactly what John neeeds (I hope).

I'm really looking forward to the next part!

Re: What?!

[mach1n3]

I've been feeling quite the sap when writing this. I can in part envision the Reaper!Bones of my story'verse having a very 'your body is my temple' sort of reverence for Jim. The kid has had very little to really live for and John is determined to be there for him; even if it ends up hurting dearly in the end.

As far as Jim goes...The story is certainly Reaper-centric, and as much as I want to write parts for our Captain I have resisted. In my mind though I think his acceptance is due to him realizing that someone does indeed give a damn about him, and wants to do the same in return.

And really, what's better than having these two lovelies learn to heal together?

As for my next section...Ugh. I know where I want to go with it, but every time I put it down something doesn't feel right and I go about revising, rewriting, expanding on certain sections then deleting other portions. For whatever reason I can't seem to get it "right".

Re: What?!

[deepsorskies]

"Your body is my temple" - that's a good analogy. I think it really comes through in your story, too. Maybe partly because John has a different appreciation for human life, not only because he has lived so long but also because of having been Reaper, and a different understanding for pain. And Jim is both so alive and so hurting ...

I can understand how it can be difficult to convince Jim to "ride in the backseat", so to speak. But I think you're making the right writing choices. It would be weird to suddenly switch focus. This story is about Reaper and his relationship with Jim as perceived by John.

I saw that you already posted the next part, so the "not feeling right thing" got solved I guess? Anyway, I will proceed to read it instantly ...