i've come home to a not-so-fathers-day
cabo is over, but it was great. SO MUCH FUN with my girlys and the bro. i wish that the day we spent just the four of us would go on and on. in cabo it was nice because i got to spend time with my love jenny, i got to know charlotte better and i like her even more! (if thats possible) and i got to hang out with nathan (not nathanal, hannah).
That one night where we had a talk was so comforting for me because i know that i can talk to you char about nathan and my family and you make observations i wouldn't have seen and solid advice. i'd love to talk to you more, and about fun stuff too.
its always hard coming back to reality, especially to what i've decided is a not-so-fathers-day. Today seems like everyother day. It feels like its always fathers day at my house. not in the give a card and spend time with your dad type of way, but in the try to make dad happy, make him dinner because he had to get up early to work, let him relax after work, let him watch the tv, make cookies because that will make him happy, don't bother him, don't make him upset kind of way. It seems that the louder and louder the the tv gets, the less and less my dad feels like my dad, and more like a stranger who i used to know. the familiar sayings and common frases that he says sound strange and ugly. his sarcasim is mean and immature. he is the same as he has always been, and thats the problem. I used to take his yelling and critizism, look down at my feet and try to become so quiet that i would dissapear. but now i don't want to dissapear, and everytime i talk back to him he looks incredulous. no one talks back to him, and he thinks i am being mean or that i am taking something out on him. well i am, i'm taking the pain he's caused me and my mom and my brother out on him. but its not very satisfying, and does not make things better.
this is a very backwards live journal...
sarah
That one night where we had a talk was so comforting for me because i know that i can talk to you char about nathan and my family and you make observations i wouldn't have seen and solid advice. i'd love to talk to you more, and about fun stuff too.
its always hard coming back to reality, especially to what i've decided is a not-so-fathers-day. Today seems like everyother day. It feels like its always fathers day at my house. not in the give a card and spend time with your dad type of way, but in the try to make dad happy, make him dinner because he had to get up early to work, let him relax after work, let him watch the tv, make cookies because that will make him happy, don't bother him, don't make him upset kind of way. It seems that the louder and louder the the tv gets, the less and less my dad feels like my dad, and more like a stranger who i used to know. the familiar sayings and common frases that he says sound strange and ugly. his sarcasim is mean and immature. he is the same as he has always been, and thats the problem. I used to take his yelling and critizism, look down at my feet and try to become so quiet that i would dissapear. but now i don't want to dissapear, and everytime i talk back to him he looks incredulous. no one talks back to him, and he thinks i am being mean or that i am taking something out on him. well i am, i'm taking the pain he's caused me and my mom and my brother out on him. but its not very satisfying, and does not make things better.
this is a very backwards live journal...
sarah