(no subject)
I love Paul McCartney's song "No More Lonely Nights" it's so sweet and I cried when I first heard it lol. His voice is so soft and gentle just like in "Here, There and Everywhere" which is my fave Beatle song. I just love Paul singing soft love songs.
Just been thinking about past relationships and stuff. I haven't really told you guys about the people I've dated before have I? It kinda occurs to me that could be why you don't realise why I have issues wuth relationships.
First proper relationship was at 15. With Steven Wren. He was ok for the first few months. Loving and caring. Seemed perfect. Then he started to tell me to slut myself up abit like wear tigher tops, shorter ones that show off skin. I wear tight tops now but I'm older now and they aren't slutty tight. He then tried to force me to sleep with him and I was very close to giving in so I wouldn't lose him but oh wat do ya know he went elsewhere for it and dumped me cos I wouldn't give it to him. He told me he only dated me cos I have big breasts. I cried for weeks after that. He dumped me a week before Christmas but after Christmas he asked me back out. Like a fucking idiot I said yes. 2 days it lasted. He went and fucked someone else cos again I wouldn't give it to him.
Ater him was Steven Tubb. Ann Marie set me up with him. I was still 15 but this was the next year alittle before my 16th birthday. He was 21. Didn't last long. He beat me when I didn't agree with him. He tried to tell me who I could and couldn't see. He said I wasn't allowed to see my guy friends. Now Steven Penny (lol yeah I know ALOT of people called Steven and Mark)was and is my best friend. He even comes before Charlie. Me and Steve dated for a day lol we decided friends was better. Anyway NO ONE can tell me I'm not allowed to see him. Intill then I went with everything he said just so he wouldn't hit me but I stood up for myself and well he pretty much beat the hell out of me
(hit me in places where people wouldn't see the bruises.) He even cut me with a knife... I bury that and pretend someone else did it I was too scared to say it was him. I didn't ever see him again. Ann Marie dumped him for me.
Stuart was in the picture but nothing happened till I was 16. We were alone in one of the practice rooms and he was teaching me abit of drums cos the bass was hurting me fingers (well I'm a girl what do you expect lol) and as far as I can remember he took my hands and said "Do it more like this" and he was moving my hands showing me how to play it and I froze and turned my head and he looked at me and all of a sudden he kissed me. It was a proper kiss. When it ended we just looked at each other.... Actually no there was a kiss before that but that was the first proper one. From then on we just got closer and closer. I remember him singing "Let It Be" to me the first time I met him. I was memorized. He was a great boyfriend and I loved him I really did.
Mark came along when I was 17 and at college. Me and Stuart were broken up for this time. I went out with Mark for 6 months. We broke up cos he got jealous of me and Charlie and he reckoned I shoulda left college and stick to housework. Fuck that! Me and Stu got back together not long after that. We decided we missed each other. 8^)
Well then as you know Stu left. There were one or two people but they aren't worth mentioning they were losers and head fucks. And they weren't proper relationships more like I was being used till they found something better.
Then as you know there was Ed. I wish I had never met him. He was the worst of all. The others never made me believe they loved me he did! He fucked with my head and with my emotions and made me think I was in love with him. He's lied to me, cheated for the first week of our relationship and just plain fucked with me. I DID everything in that relationship he NEVER but any effort in but no I was too blind to realise this at the time. My dad pointed it out again and again to me and so did my brother in NZ. NEW ZELAND AND HE EVEN SAW IT!!! I'm fucking stupid what can I say. I even believed the bullshit that it was a break. I have heard that before! From Steven Wren before he told me the real reason! He even did this before Valentines day! Now he's changed completely and still won't answered why he cheated on the girl he supposedly "loved" so much with me. He keot me in the dark about her too. I agree with Adam my ither brother. I won;t repeat what he said it's really not very nice.
And now Stu again although I dunno about that. We've talked and for now we're friends. Also you know about Tony and how he used me and basically took my virginity by playing with my head when I was vlunerable. Me and him have talked since then but he's taken advantage of me twice. I mean we're kinda ok but eh I'm not sure. I'm too nice to people I shouldn't be nice too.
I just want someone to love. Someone who loves me and that I can love back. I want someone who's intelligent and can hold a conversation, someone who's indepent, talented, loving, caring, senstive, romantic, HONEST, LOYAL. Is that really tomuch to ask? I mean Stu is all that and more but I can't feel love.
I'm sick of getting all these losers who couldn't hold up an intelligent conversation if their lives depended on it. Their losers, no jobs, no life, no ambition, no talent, couldn't be loyal or honest in their lives. Everything is always someone elses fault never theirs oh no they can't possibly do any wrong. Fuck sad silly little boys who still live with mummy. Who have to have mummy pay for everything and will never leave ever. Stay with mummy forever cos they could never handle a real woman in their lives. FUCK THEM I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER! Or as I think I'll end up alone cos my OCD depends perfection in partners. Who knows maybe once it's controlled I won't have such high standards but I know all those guys lised above expectr for Stu are losers and everything I just said previous. Sorry I've been used, abused and fucked with to many times.
Fuck it I'm leaving it there. Those creeps will get what's coming to them one day. What goes around comes around. Karama. I just hope they end up sad and lonely and living with mummy dear for the rest of their sad pathetic lives.
lol last note. No Charlie don't pout your one of the very VERY rare nice guys.
Just been thinking about past relationships and stuff. I haven't really told you guys about the people I've dated before have I? It kinda occurs to me that could be why you don't realise why I have issues wuth relationships.
First proper relationship was at 15. With Steven Wren. He was ok for the first few months. Loving and caring. Seemed perfect. Then he started to tell me to slut myself up abit like wear tigher tops, shorter ones that show off skin. I wear tight tops now but I'm older now and they aren't slutty tight. He then tried to force me to sleep with him and I was very close to giving in so I wouldn't lose him but oh wat do ya know he went elsewhere for it and dumped me cos I wouldn't give it to him. He told me he only dated me cos I have big breasts. I cried for weeks after that. He dumped me a week before Christmas but after Christmas he asked me back out. Like a fucking idiot I said yes. 2 days it lasted. He went and fucked someone else cos again I wouldn't give it to him.
Ater him was Steven Tubb. Ann Marie set me up with him. I was still 15 but this was the next year alittle before my 16th birthday. He was 21. Didn't last long. He beat me when I didn't agree with him. He tried to tell me who I could and couldn't see. He said I wasn't allowed to see my guy friends. Now Steven Penny (lol yeah I know ALOT of people called Steven and Mark)was and is my best friend. He even comes before Charlie. Me and Steve dated for a day lol we decided friends was better. Anyway NO ONE can tell me I'm not allowed to see him. Intill then I went with everything he said just so he wouldn't hit me but I stood up for myself and well he pretty much beat the hell out of me
(hit me in places where people wouldn't see the bruises.) He even cut me with a knife... I bury that and pretend someone else did it I was too scared to say it was him. I didn't ever see him again. Ann Marie dumped him for me.
Stuart was in the picture but nothing happened till I was 16. We were alone in one of the practice rooms and he was teaching me abit of drums cos the bass was hurting me fingers (well I'm a girl what do you expect lol) and as far as I can remember he took my hands and said "Do it more like this" and he was moving my hands showing me how to play it and I froze and turned my head and he looked at me and all of a sudden he kissed me. It was a proper kiss. When it ended we just looked at each other.... Actually no there was a kiss before that but that was the first proper one. From then on we just got closer and closer. I remember him singing "Let It Be" to me the first time I met him. I was memorized. He was a great boyfriend and I loved him I really did.
Mark came along when I was 17 and at college. Me and Stuart were broken up for this time. I went out with Mark for 6 months. We broke up cos he got jealous of me and Charlie and he reckoned I shoulda left college and stick to housework. Fuck that! Me and Stu got back together not long after that. We decided we missed each other. 8^)
Well then as you know Stu left. There were one or two people but they aren't worth mentioning they were losers and head fucks. And they weren't proper relationships more like I was being used till they found something better.
Then as you know there was Ed. I wish I had never met him. He was the worst of all. The others never made me believe they loved me he did! He fucked with my head and with my emotions and made me think I was in love with him. He's lied to me, cheated for the first week of our relationship and just plain fucked with me. I DID everything in that relationship he NEVER but any effort in but no I was too blind to realise this at the time. My dad pointed it out again and again to me and so did my brother in NZ. NEW ZELAND AND HE EVEN SAW IT!!! I'm fucking stupid what can I say. I even believed the bullshit that it was a break. I have heard that before! From Steven Wren before he told me the real reason! He even did this before Valentines day! Now he's changed completely and still won't answered why he cheated on the girl he supposedly "loved" so much with me. He keot me in the dark about her too. I agree with Adam my ither brother. I won;t repeat what he said it's really not very nice.
And now Stu again although I dunno about that. We've talked and for now we're friends. Also you know about Tony and how he used me and basically took my virginity by playing with my head when I was vlunerable. Me and him have talked since then but he's taken advantage of me twice. I mean we're kinda ok but eh I'm not sure. I'm too nice to people I shouldn't be nice too.
I just want someone to love. Someone who loves me and that I can love back. I want someone who's intelligent and can hold a conversation, someone who's indepent, talented, loving, caring, senstive, romantic, HONEST, LOYAL. Is that really tomuch to ask? I mean Stu is all that and more but I can't feel love.
I'm sick of getting all these losers who couldn't hold up an intelligent conversation if their lives depended on it. Their losers, no jobs, no life, no ambition, no talent, couldn't be loyal or honest in their lives. Everything is always someone elses fault never theirs oh no they can't possibly do any wrong. Fuck sad silly little boys who still live with mummy. Who have to have mummy pay for everything and will never leave ever. Stay with mummy forever cos they could never handle a real woman in their lives. FUCK THEM I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER! Or as I think I'll end up alone cos my OCD depends perfection in partners. Who knows maybe once it's controlled I won't have such high standards but I know all those guys lised above expectr for Stu are losers and everything I just said previous. Sorry I've been used, abused and fucked with to many times.
Fuck it I'm leaving it there. Those creeps will get what's coming to them one day. What goes around comes around. Karama. I just hope they end up sad and lonely and living with mummy dear for the rest of their sad pathetic lives.
lol last note. No Charlie don't pout your one of the very VERY rare nice guys.