so i'm in english class...
...so clearly I'm going to have to go all around the internets and find stuff that annoys me so I can concentrate on that and not my technology-happy English teacher (who is doing his... masters? in... medieval literature? damn, I should have paid attention, because I think that might have been cool). So I went to cleolinda's LJ, as her linkspam always does something to ruffle my feathers one way or another, and I came across something really highly entertaining: Stephenie Meyer is RLY RLY UPSET YOU GUYS.
So the first twelve chapters of her panty-creaming masterpiece version of Twilight from Edward's perspective got leaked onto the internet like about a million years a few weeks ago, and she is pissed. But her way of defending it? "THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE! THAT'S... THAT'S JUST A FIRST DRAFT! IT TOTALLY SUCKS!" Taken straight from her website, StephenieMeyer.com:
"I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes."
I bet you anything that was close to the final draft. She's just covering her ass if people hate it. Also, she gets unbelievably righteous about it:
"I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga..."
I'm not editing any of this. She says this shit. Probably with a straight face, too. Keep in mind this is not just a regular violation, everybody. It is a HUGE violation, and of her rights as a HUMAN BEING, WOOOOE. (How exactly is that a violation of her rights as a human being? Why, it's that well-known sixth portion of the First Amendment---the pretension clause, of course!)
If you didn't make your goddamn flunkies sign contracts saying "I will not distribute this manuscript that I have in my hands right now which, no matter how shitty it is, will MOST DEFINITELY make me a whole lot of money if and when I post it on the internet!, definitely not ever," then you should be bitchslapping your own damn face right now. ("But hitting myself would be a violation of my rights as a human being!")
And then she proceeds to... post the first twelve chapters on her blog anyway. Wow. Way to fight fire with... well, paper. Dumb bitch.
But oh, my lovelies, it only gets funnier. Off her earlier entry regarding Midnight Sun's birth:
"Chapter two started to write itself in my head, while I kept telling myself that I didn't have time to write a book for fun when I had real books to write. (My mother seconded that opinion-she thinks I work too hard)."
I like how, number one, that period should go INSIDE THE FUCKING PARENTHESES, READ SOME FUCKING STRUNK AND WHITE, YOU DUMB TALENTLESS HACK.
Number two, writing should be fun; I don't know about people who write because they have to, but even when you're writing something for a deadline, and that's your priority and all, why not chill, take a break and write for fun? It's like when I'm playing, like, fucking Barber Summer Music, and I'm like shitting myself it's so hard, and I just have to be like "FUCK YOU AND YOUR SEASONAL QUINTET" and go play some Telemann to make myself feel better, because I love playing Telemann, and if I have to go another second fucking up that one passage in the Barber I'm going to throw my bassoon into a bonfire. It's mental health work. I know I sound great playing the Telemann (I'm not bragging, I first played it in the seventh grade, it is not as such a hard piece) so I play it for fun, to chill out when I'm getting frustrated.
But I massively digress.
Number three, "work[s] too hard"? I'd like to see Smeyer work hard a day in her life. In fact, she's a mom, and I'd say she works a damn sight harder taking care of her kids than writing a book so poorly written it makes my teeth ache.
And my absolute favorite part... a fine print disclaimer after the link to the first (released by Smeyer herself) chapter of Midnight Sun:
***Please remember this is an unedited rough draft. It is full of typos and all the other flaws that unedited manuscripts have. Enjoy it for what it is, but know that the final copy will be infinitely superior.
There are several things wildly wrong with this. First of all, I'm not even a writer and I know that you can't send a manuscript to a publisher with a trillion typos and flaws. Flaws, possibly, yes---that is what editors are for, after all, to fix the flaws in your work---but you look like a fucking lazy asshole if you don't even correct your own goddamn typos. (Like those people on websites who are like "AND THEN I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS COOL sorry i forgot i presed capslock so anyway" OH MY GOD KILL YOURSELF, IT'S CALLED "BACKSPACE," YOU DUMB CUNT.) A few are acceptable---in a five- or six-hundred-page unedited work, there are going to be a couple of things you're going to miss no matter how many times you go over it.
There are like thirty typos in this shit. In one chapter. That she thought was good enough to post on the internet.
Not like "oh that's misspelled," "oh that's missing a ton of punctuation," it's like... little things that she would have caught immediately---that she would not even have written in the first place---if she had ever picked up a fucking Elements of Style. Strunk and White are coming back to kill you, Smeyer, and if they can't make it out of their graves themselves, I will resurrect their asses.
Number two falls mostly under my extreme doubt that the edited Midnight Sun will be "infinitely superior." I want to kick her in the vag just for saying that.
Get over yourself and fucking self-edit if you're going to release your horseshit before an editor can go "WAIT WAIT THAT'S FUCKING STUPID" on your ass. Not that I think much of Stephenie Meyer's editor---her books are full of plot holes that gape like puckering wounds, self-contradictory characters, completely useless information, and total bullshit (even taking into context that she "created" this "universe").
Also? Edward is nearly as whiny as Bella. I did not think that was possible.
(And may I just say: Smeyer is a fucking comma splicer. I hate that bitch.)
So the first twelve chapters of her panty-creaming masterpiece version of Twilight from Edward's perspective got leaked onto the internet like about a million years a few weeks ago, and she is pissed. But her way of defending it? "THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE! THAT'S... THAT'S JUST A FIRST DRAFT! IT TOTALLY SUCKS!" Taken straight from her website, StephenieMeyer.com:
"I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes."
I bet you anything that was close to the final draft. She's just covering her ass if people hate it. Also, she gets unbelievably righteous about it:
"I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga..."
I'm not editing any of this. She says this shit. Probably with a straight face, too. Keep in mind this is not just a regular violation, everybody. It is a HUGE violation, and of her rights as a HUMAN BEING, WOOOOE. (How exactly is that a violation of her rights as a human being? Why, it's that well-known sixth portion of the First Amendment---the pretension clause, of course!)
If you didn't make your goddamn flunkies sign contracts saying "I will not distribute this manuscript that I have in my hands right now which, no matter how shitty it is, will MOST DEFINITELY make me a whole lot of money if and when I post it on the internet!, definitely not ever," then you should be bitchslapping your own damn face right now. ("But hitting myself would be a violation of my rights as a human being!")
And then she proceeds to... post the first twelve chapters on her blog anyway. Wow. Way to fight fire with... well, paper. Dumb bitch.
But oh, my lovelies, it only gets funnier. Off her earlier entry regarding Midnight Sun's birth:
"Chapter two started to write itself in my head, while I kept telling myself that I didn't have time to write a book for fun when I had real books to write. (My mother seconded that opinion-she thinks I work too hard)."
I like how, number one, that period should go INSIDE THE FUCKING PARENTHESES, READ SOME FUCKING STRUNK AND WHITE, YOU DUMB TALENTLESS HACK.
Number two, writing should be fun; I don't know about people who write because they have to, but even when you're writing something for a deadline, and that's your priority and all, why not chill, take a break and write for fun? It's like when I'm playing, like, fucking Barber Summer Music, and I'm like shitting myself it's so hard, and I just have to be like "FUCK YOU AND YOUR SEASONAL QUINTET" and go play some Telemann to make myself feel better, because I love playing Telemann, and if I have to go another second fucking up that one passage in the Barber I'm going to throw my bassoon into a bonfire. It's mental health work. I know I sound great playing the Telemann (I'm not bragging, I first played it in the seventh grade, it is not as such a hard piece) so I play it for fun, to chill out when I'm getting frustrated.
But I massively digress.
Number three, "work[s] too hard"? I'd like to see Smeyer work hard a day in her life. In fact, she's a mom, and I'd say she works a damn sight harder taking care of her kids than writing a book so poorly written it makes my teeth ache.
And my absolute favorite part... a fine print disclaimer after the link to the first (released by Smeyer herself) chapter of Midnight Sun:
***Please remember this is an unedited rough draft. It is full of typos and all the other flaws that unedited manuscripts have. Enjoy it for what it is, but know that the final copy will be infinitely superior.
There are several things wildly wrong with this. First of all, I'm not even a writer and I know that you can't send a manuscript to a publisher with a trillion typos and flaws. Flaws, possibly, yes---that is what editors are for, after all, to fix the flaws in your work---but you look like a fucking lazy asshole if you don't even correct your own goddamn typos. (Like those people on websites who are like "AND THEN I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS COOL sorry i forgot i presed capslock so anyway" OH MY GOD KILL YOURSELF, IT'S CALLED "BACKSPACE," YOU DUMB CUNT.) A few are acceptable---in a five- or six-hundred-page unedited work, there are going to be a couple of things you're going to miss no matter how many times you go over it.
There are like thirty typos in this shit. In one chapter. That she thought was good enough to post on the internet.
Not like "oh that's misspelled," "oh that's missing a ton of punctuation," it's like... little things that she would have caught immediately---that she would not even have written in the first place---if she had ever picked up a fucking Elements of Style. Strunk and White are coming back to kill you, Smeyer, and if they can't make it out of their graves themselves, I will resurrect their asses.
Number two falls mostly under my extreme doubt that the edited Midnight Sun will be "infinitely superior." I want to kick her in the vag just for saying that.
Get over yourself and fucking self-edit if you're going to release your horseshit before an editor can go "WAIT WAIT THAT'S FUCKING STUPID" on your ass. Not that I think much of Stephenie Meyer's editor---her books are full of plot holes that gape like puckering wounds, self-contradictory characters, completely useless information, and total bullshit (even taking into context that she "created" this "universe").
Also? Edward is nearly as whiny as Bella. I did not think that was possible.
(And may I just say: Smeyer is a fucking comma splicer. I hate that bitch.)