you've evidently misinterpreted what i said. i respect your opinions, but i think you should understand where i was coming from. i don't necessarily think this is the "way the world works" either. this excerpt is about MY realizing that being controlling is self-destructive. maybe you don't agree with that, but you are also claiming that we have quite different experiences... maybe you don't understand that i'm not applying this to life and the world in general, but to the way that i have dealt with things in the past. i can't even begin to explain to you the peace that i have come to after realizing that everything happens for a reason (which you may not believe, but i do), and that being controlling of many (not all) things/people is the wrong path. when i posted this piece of writing i didn't do so with the idea that working hard and making the right choices and efforts to get ahead, into college, or get a decent paying job gets you nowhere. that's not at all the statement being made. i agree that good things don't always "just happen," but sometimes in the midst of the frustration of trying to control or make something happen, we tend to miss or overlook things that are going well, and therefore take these things for granted. we're obviously looking at this from two different perspectives. my aim was not to down-play hard work and taking control of your life so that you can get out of a disadvantaged situation. it was more about dealing with relationships and people.
i'm glad that going to college and meeting someone made you feel like you could be openly gay, but i think that's a choice that can be made regardless of whether you go to college or meet someone. and i don't understand your correlation between that and doing the same things that your friends from high school are doing. i also found that statement a little offensive - i don't believe that everyone who doesn't go to college is living off of welfare, working shitty minimum wage jobs, or living in horrible neighborhoods. i have quite a few friends including my girlfriend who haven't gone to or finished college and are not living in any of those conditions. and that's not just because of where i'm from. some of these friends that are doing just fine without college came from disadvantaged areas. the point of your response was that not everyone can just sit back and let things happen, correct? "but if someone from a more disadvantaged background (an inner city kid like me) decided to just 'let things happen' then they would never better their condition." right after that statement you went on to generalize people who don't go to college. well, not everyone has the means to go to college, right?
i agree with your statement about entering the world with no safety nets. yes, you have to work hard and steer your life in the right path to support yourself or be successful. like i said, this wasn't meant as a "world view" guideline. and if i'm reading this sentence right, "a person in love doesn't have to be lonely just because staying with the person they care about would take effort and drive and control," then i don't know if i agree. if you are in love with someone, care about them very much and love to be with them, then where does control come into the picture? if you're referring to being gay and having to deal with societal or family response to that, it's something that comes with the package. if people don't respect you or love you for who you are, AFTER A CERTAIN POINT, no matter how much effort, drive or control you use, they've made their decision about you and there's nothing you can do to change that. those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
i guess we're just looking at this piece of writing differently. like i said this was empowering to ME, and i thought i would share it with others. it has greatly helped me and my relationship with people.
and i do claim to care about myself and those around me because i do, very much. i make a conscious effort to be a kind, caring and respectful person. i try my best to "do my part in relaxed, peaceful harmony" like the passage says, and i'm a very happy person because of it.
i'm glad that going to college and meeting someone made you feel like you could be openly gay, but i think that's a choice that can be made regardless of whether you go to college or meet someone. and i don't understand your correlation between that and doing the same things that your friends from high school are doing. i also found that statement a little offensive - i don't believe that everyone who doesn't go to college is living off of welfare, working shitty minimum wage jobs, or living in horrible neighborhoods. i have quite a few friends including my girlfriend who haven't gone to or finished college and are not living in any of those conditions. and that's not just because of where i'm from. some of these friends that are doing just fine without college came from disadvantaged areas. the point of your response was that not everyone can just sit back and let things happen, correct? "but if someone from a more disadvantaged background (an inner city kid like me) decided to just 'let things happen' then they would never better their condition." right after that statement you went on to generalize people who don't go to college. well, not everyone has the means to go to college, right?
i agree with your statement about entering the world with no safety nets. yes, you have to work hard and steer your life in the right path to support yourself or be successful. like i said, this wasn't meant as a "world view" guideline. and if i'm reading this sentence right, "a person in love doesn't have to be lonely just because staying with the person they care about would take effort and drive and control," then i don't know if i agree. if you are in love with someone, care about them very much and love to be with them, then where does control come into the picture? if you're referring to being gay and having to deal with societal or family response to that, it's something that comes with the package. if people don't respect you or love you for who you are, AFTER A CERTAIN POINT, no matter how much effort, drive or control you use, they've made their decision about you and there's nothing you can do to change that. those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
i guess we're just looking at this piece of writing differently. like i said this was empowering to ME, and i thought i would share it with others. it has greatly helped me and my relationship with people.
and i do claim to care about myself and those around me because i do, very much. i make a conscious effort to be a kind, caring and respectful person. i try my best to "do my part in relaxed, peaceful harmony" like the passage says, and i'm a very happy person because of it.
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