Am I normal?
Suicidal. I feel like that at least once a week. It mostly happens when I'm sitting in my room.. in the dark. My mind starts racing.. the what ifs'. What if I can't make something of myself? What if I let my mother down.
There are times I look in the mirror, and I just want to break it. I see my faces and all I see are flaws. I see no beauty, nothing a man would or could be attracted too. Somedays I feel like taking a knife to my face and just cut it. " Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were.' My dreams are filled with my public humiliation because a male I loved didn't love me enough. Or I was in a horrible situation and died in front of many people. I feel that I'll never be good enough. I always seem to have to be better, be prettier. I feel... I feel as if I don't have my own identity.
I'm 23, and I feel like I'm going through a life crisis. I wanna change my hair, change my clothes, go to the gym more, and most of all.. I want to get the HELL out of this town. I want see what's out there. I just... I just want to live. I want friends who will keep their word and go out with me to hangout and do something instead of ditching me at the minute. I FEEL ABANDONED! I feel like I'm back in High school waiting for my friends to call to tell me about a party, but I'm left sitting by the phone. I want friends who will be there. At this point in my life I should want to be out and be surrounded by people; instead I loath being with people. I want to stay shut-up in my room reading and dreaming of having a different life. I feel like I'll never be anything, do anything, go anywhere. That I'll never meet that special someone who I feel that I can trust my whole heart and soul to. I love my mother, but I don't want to be her. I want that all consuming love. I want to be married and have children. I want my own business so I can make my own hours.
'm not sleeping properly. I'm not eating as I should.I have nothing to keep my attention. Even my music sounds boring to me. I'm 23 and if feel like life is passing me by and I can't grasp it. I can't see me doing anything in the future.
I just... I just want to run away and never come back.
I don't know what to do or how to feel.
Is this normal?
There are times I look in the mirror, and I just want to break it. I see my faces and all I see are flaws. I see no beauty, nothing a man would or could be attracted too. Somedays I feel like taking a knife to my face and just cut it. " Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were.' My dreams are filled with my public humiliation because a male I loved didn't love me enough. Or I was in a horrible situation and died in front of many people. I feel that I'll never be good enough. I always seem to have to be better, be prettier. I feel... I feel as if I don't have my own identity.
I'm 23, and I feel like I'm going through a life crisis. I wanna change my hair, change my clothes, go to the gym more, and most of all.. I want to get the HELL out of this town. I want see what's out there. I just... I just want to live. I want friends who will keep their word and go out with me to hangout and do something instead of ditching me at the minute. I FEEL ABANDONED! I feel like I'm back in High school waiting for my friends to call to tell me about a party, but I'm left sitting by the phone. I want friends who will be there. At this point in my life I should want to be out and be surrounded by people; instead I loath being with people. I want to stay shut-up in my room reading and dreaming of having a different life. I feel like I'll never be anything, do anything, go anywhere. That I'll never meet that special someone who I feel that I can trust my whole heart and soul to. I love my mother, but I don't want to be her. I want that all consuming love. I want to be married and have children. I want my own business so I can make my own hours.
'm not sleeping properly. I'm not eating as I should.I have nothing to keep my attention. Even my music sounds boring to me. I'm 23 and if feel like life is passing me by and I can't grasp it. I can't see me doing anything in the future.
I just... I just want to run away and never come back.
I don't know what to do or how to feel.
Is this normal?