errrgh.
i've been doing this thing lately where i sign off of conversations right in the middle of them and just...don't come back? yeah, don't come back. i'm awesome. except not.
things are kinda really sucky right now. i think i'm moving back in with my parents soon. and i'll use the term parents meaning my mom and my stepdad, because my dad...god not to be a melodramatist, but i don't even want to acknowledge him as my father, because that would mean that his blood is part of me. all the lies and drugs and mistakes and stupidity and denial and obliviousness of it. all of that is part of me. it's disgusting, really. i love that i'm more like my mom.
he's trying to displace the causes of our financial problems on MATT. of all people. yeah, matt. the same one who makes sure i do my homework and that i get enough sleep and that i pay my bills and that i get everywhere i need to go on time. fuck, he even drives me.
oh yeah, matt's really causing a lot of problems. good detective work there, dad.
he claims that matt "lives with us" and "doesn't contribute". one, matt has a home, and it's not in westpoint manor trailor park. two, how did our house get painted? how did the carpet get ripped up and the kitchen clean? where'd the lighting come from?
wait wait....could it be....matt? the two of us did ALLLLL the work before my dad was even there. and he just discredits it all because he can't admit to himself or anyone else that the reason we have problems is HIM and ONLY HIM. i did not go into this looking to take care of my dad. but it's looking like i'm going to go out of it not even speaking to him.
i've never been this mad at someone in my family before. not even my brother. and the saddest part is...i have somewhere to go. i don't have to worry about my financial situation. i have a home to go to. but once i leave? my dad can either take care of himself or become a fucking homeless bum. and that's all there is to it. i'm not going to be the one who takes the blame and cleans up after his mistakes.
all i know is, i should have listened to my mom in the first place. i mean, there had to be SOME reason she divorced him. and this incredible obgligational immaturity and avoidance of problems would certainly constitute it.
and one last thing. how come i had no idea that sweetest day was coming up? hallmark holidays are so stupid, and at the same time...roses would be nice. sigh matt...when are you going to learn that flowers solve everything? or, at the very least, they're so pleasing to the senses that the mask the bad.
i could really go for those roses right about now. and ice cream. and maybe a shopping spree. also, the ball on my eyebrow ring fell out. i'd like one of those, while you're at it, whoever you are.
things are kinda really sucky right now. i think i'm moving back in with my parents soon. and i'll use the term parents meaning my mom and my stepdad, because my dad...god not to be a melodramatist, but i don't even want to acknowledge him as my father, because that would mean that his blood is part of me. all the lies and drugs and mistakes and stupidity and denial and obliviousness of it. all of that is part of me. it's disgusting, really. i love that i'm more like my mom.
he's trying to displace the causes of our financial problems on MATT. of all people. yeah, matt. the same one who makes sure i do my homework and that i get enough sleep and that i pay my bills and that i get everywhere i need to go on time. fuck, he even drives me.
oh yeah, matt's really causing a lot of problems. good detective work there, dad.
he claims that matt "lives with us" and "doesn't contribute". one, matt has a home, and it's not in westpoint manor trailor park. two, how did our house get painted? how did the carpet get ripped up and the kitchen clean? where'd the lighting come from?
wait wait....could it be....matt? the two of us did ALLLLL the work before my dad was even there. and he just discredits it all because he can't admit to himself or anyone else that the reason we have problems is HIM and ONLY HIM. i did not go into this looking to take care of my dad. but it's looking like i'm going to go out of it not even speaking to him.
i've never been this mad at someone in my family before. not even my brother. and the saddest part is...i have somewhere to go. i don't have to worry about my financial situation. i have a home to go to. but once i leave? my dad can either take care of himself or become a fucking homeless bum. and that's all there is to it. i'm not going to be the one who takes the blame and cleans up after his mistakes.
all i know is, i should have listened to my mom in the first place. i mean, there had to be SOME reason she divorced him. and this incredible obgligational immaturity and avoidance of problems would certainly constitute it.
and one last thing. how come i had no idea that sweetest day was coming up? hallmark holidays are so stupid, and at the same time...roses would be nice. sigh matt...when are you going to learn that flowers solve everything? or, at the very least, they're so pleasing to the senses that the mask the bad.
i could really go for those roses right about now. and ice cream. and maybe a shopping spree. also, the ball on my eyebrow ring fell out. i'd like one of those, while you're at it, whoever you are.