sun in the sky, you know how i feel.
a couple of things:
one, i hate my laptop. it has been shitting out on me lately like no other.
two, i have to make a list. right now.
bands/songs that rock ass in the month of april:
maxeen/soliel
muse/time is running out
the used/poetic tragedy
the mars volta/televators
sugarcult/memory
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
three, things still aren't going very well. matt's car broke down today, but being the prideful bastard that he is, he won't use my car to make deliveries for work. but he can't make money to fix his car without a car, because he's a delivery guy, so instead he has to work an insane number of hours to make payments on a new car. and what does all of this mean? pretty much that i'm going to see less of my boyfriend, and chances are he'll be in a bad mood whenever i do see him, because he hates his job. suck fest.
also, tess has decided that i'm not worth it anymore, so i just lost my best friend. it fucking hurts. and in her journal thingy, she said that i have been replaced. she basically told me that she thinks i'm a good person, but not a good friend. also, i'm self centered, i think i know everything and she pretty much doesn't care about me anymore.
ouch. it has not been a good week.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i've been thinking a lot about things. love mostly. no, not in that sappy way. more like what is it and is it better when you know it's love from the start or if you ease into it? ok matt and i have been going out for four months and haven't said it. and it's not that i want to say it just because i think i should, but sometimes i feel like i do and other times i think that i just don't know what it is. i always thought that when i fell in love i would just know right away. like a sort of revelation.
in the past week, two friends of mine have professed their love for someone, and the thing about it is...they seem so sure of it, and the people they love are not even people they have been dating seriously. like, it made me doubt what i have with matt, which is dumb because i'm happy, and i don't want to force anything, but i sort of feel like...shouldn't i feel like that? is that how it's supposed to be, and is anything less just not worth it? or can love be different than that?
anyone, feel free to comment on this and give me your opinions on it. i know all you poetry weirdos will jump on this one, lol. we're a buncha sappy emo dorks, guys. but it's ok.
i don't know man...this tess thing is really getting to me. i think it's just that i care about her a lot, and i feel like i've lost something. she feels like she's gotten rid of something. god, that hurts. part of me wants to stick up for myself and say that i'm better off without her, but what can i say? i love tess, she knows me like no one else does or could, because she has what no one else has: history. but i don't think it was history that kept our friendship going, it was the bond that came from growing up together. but i feel like i was seeing something--that bond--that wasn't there. at least not for her.
i should go to bed. this is depressing as hell.
one, i hate my laptop. it has been shitting out on me lately like no other.
two, i have to make a list. right now.
bands/songs that rock ass in the month of april:
maxeen/soliel
muse/time is running out
the used/poetic tragedy
the mars volta/televators
sugarcult/memory
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
three, things still aren't going very well. matt's car broke down today, but being the prideful bastard that he is, he won't use my car to make deliveries for work. but he can't make money to fix his car without a car, because he's a delivery guy, so instead he has to work an insane number of hours to make payments on a new car. and what does all of this mean? pretty much that i'm going to see less of my boyfriend, and chances are he'll be in a bad mood whenever i do see him, because he hates his job. suck fest.
also, tess has decided that i'm not worth it anymore, so i just lost my best friend. it fucking hurts. and in her journal thingy, she said that i have been replaced. she basically told me that she thinks i'm a good person, but not a good friend. also, i'm self centered, i think i know everything and she pretty much doesn't care about me anymore.
ouch. it has not been a good week.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i've been thinking a lot about things. love mostly. no, not in that sappy way. more like what is it and is it better when you know it's love from the start or if you ease into it? ok matt and i have been going out for four months and haven't said it. and it's not that i want to say it just because i think i should, but sometimes i feel like i do and other times i think that i just don't know what it is. i always thought that when i fell in love i would just know right away. like a sort of revelation.
in the past week, two friends of mine have professed their love for someone, and the thing about it is...they seem so sure of it, and the people they love are not even people they have been dating seriously. like, it made me doubt what i have with matt, which is dumb because i'm happy, and i don't want to force anything, but i sort of feel like...shouldn't i feel like that? is that how it's supposed to be, and is anything less just not worth it? or can love be different than that?
anyone, feel free to comment on this and give me your opinions on it. i know all you poetry weirdos will jump on this one, lol. we're a buncha sappy emo dorks, guys. but it's ok.
i don't know man...this tess thing is really getting to me. i think it's just that i care about her a lot, and i feel like i've lost something. she feels like she's gotten rid of something. god, that hurts. part of me wants to stick up for myself and say that i'm better off without her, but what can i say? i love tess, she knows me like no one else does or could, because she has what no one else has: history. but i don't think it was history that kept our friendship going, it was the bond that came from growing up together. but i feel like i was seeing something--that bond--that wasn't there. at least not for her.
i should go to bed. this is depressing as hell.